Just Me Defying Gravity

The Cat's Out of the Bag

2012-02-12T10:27:00.002-05:00

Well, I've been alluding to a change in my life for several weeks now. On here and on facebook. So here it is. I am back in college. I'm going to get my History degree. If you ask me why, it is because I want to and I want to do something for myself. I'm excited, and anyone that really knows me knows that History is my "thing." :)

Ch ch ch ch CHANGES!

2012-02-05T16:54:00.002-05:00

What makes you happy? What makes me happy? NO ONE should be saying, "My wonderful boyfriend/girlfriend _______." We should never depend on anyone else to make us happy. So many people including myself (in the past) depend on outside sources to make them happy. That is SOOOOO NOT the answer. What is the answer you may ask? Well I'm going to tell you.

The answer is YOU. You have to make yourself happy. I know that many of my friends are doing things this year for themselves, and I think it is fabulous. So many of us spend our lives trying to make sure that everyone around us stay happy, and guess what? they get so used to it that they begin to not appreciate it, and they EXPECT it. So, this year, I'm going to take a little time for myself. I've got some plans underway, and I will share them as they come to fruition. I don't want to put the cart before the horse so to speak, so for now they are staying under wraps.

I would encourage anyone that is unhappy to sit back and really do some soul searching. Ask yourself WHY you are unhappy. Many people want to blame their unhappiness on their husband, children, or some other outside source. Guess what honey, you are only unhappy because of you. If you don't like something change it, or if you can't change it in the very least change the way you behave or think about it. If you want to go to school GO! There are so many different financial aid programs out there it isn't funny, and the more broke you are the more money you get! If you don't have any money get a job. It may not be the job you want, but McDonalds is hiring everyday. The main thing is that change has to come from within YOU. Don't expect anyone else to change because of you, because you will forever be disappointed and UNHAPPY!!

I Know it's Late...Get Over it!!

2012-01-28T20:58:00.002-05:00

So I'm a bit tardy with my first post of the year. I hope everyone had a mahvelous holiday season. Mine was uneventful, but I have been UBER busy since the New Year has gotten under way.

I didn't make any formal New Year's Resolutions, because I believe those are DOOMED to FAIL. I do have several things that I want to get started and several things that I want to get finished, and that is all I will admit to at this time. LOL

I have started my new job, and I really think I'm going to like it. It is definitely different than what I am used to, but different doesn't mean bad or wrong....just different. Nursing is nursing no matter what pretty much. The people have been awesome and welcoming. I couldn't have asked for it to be any better, and we actually get a lunch break. LOL That is something I'm definitely not used to from my last job. It runs pretty smoothly, and it is pretty well organized. So, I'm keeping my hopes up, up, UP!!

I have a new venture that I may be embarking upon in the VERY near future...keeping it under wraps at this time, but if you don't mind send a little prayer up for me please!

In Honor of My Mom....

2011-12-31T13:55:00.001-05:00

Fireflies of Summer, A true story written by ME!

"I don't have cancer do I?" Those were the first words out of my mother Betty's mouth as she came out from under anesthesia. The answer to that dreaded question stuck in my throat like glue. I didn't know how to respond or even if I should respond. How could I tell my mother that not only did she have cancer, it had metastasized already? My head swam and I felt as if I would be sick. Looking at the strongest woman in the world lying in that hospital bed looking as vulnerable as a baby bird was nearly more than I could handle. Apparently, I did not need to speak the words. My face had become a book of sorrow, punctuated by the silent tears rolling down my cheeks. She looked at me, shook her head, and said, "There will be none of that. We will fight this, and we will beat it."
For several months before that dreaded day, my mother had been ill. Abdominal pain and bloating had become the norm in her life. She had gone to her regular doctor, they had performed all the standard tests and had begun treating her for diverticulitis. After several months of treatment, and no improvement, she was sent to a specialist, who then sent her to another specialist and so on. During an examination, one of these specialists felt an unusual pocket of fluid and ordered a CAT scan of her abdomen. It was on this CAT scan that a large mass was seen in her abdomen and a surgeon was quickly consulted. Surgery was scheduled for the next day and the course to the longest two years of my life was set.
During her surgery I was wandering about the hall of the hospital. Having been employed there myself for several years, I could not just wait in the waiting room. I just so happened to see my mothers regular doctor in the hall, and he came over to me. I asked him if he had heard anything yet, and he promptly handed me a Polaroid picture. Not thinking anything of it really, I casually looked down at the picture and realized that it was a huge tumor. Not just ANY tumor, but the one they had just removed from my mother. It was over four pounds, and it looked as angry as I felt. I dissolved into tears, and the doctor quickly realized his error. At that point, I was not a nurse, I was a family member. He quickly gathered me into his arms and apologized profusely, but the damage was done.
So began our long journey. Just like everything else in her life my mother faced this challenge like any other. It was a speed bump to her, and she was not going to let anything slow her down for long. She began her chemotherapy with gusto. It sapped her energy physically and emotionally. She anxiously waited for her hair to fall out. Wondering when that day would come, and when it did, she called me and asked me to come over. When I got there I saw my mom sitting at her vanity with my step dad shaving her head. The site struck like a blow to the solar plexus. My breath left me, and my knees buckled, but she turned to me and said, "At least I have a pretty shaped head." I smiled at her through my tears, and she said, "This means we need to go on a wig hunt." So with that, we laid the ground work for the shopping trip of a lifetime.
The morning dawned bright and cheerfully setting the tone for the day. I met my mother along with my sister Kelly, Aunt Mary, and Aunt Myrtice at my Granny's house. We loaded into the car and went to the beauty supply store that had all of the wigs. I have never seen so much fake hair in my life. My mom quickly whipped the scarf off of her head and said, "Let's get this party started." She began going through those wigs like a whirlwind. She was trying them on left and right, and then insisted that we try them on too. I do not think I will ever forget the sight of my granny in a Dolly Parton wig. Once again, my mother had made what could have been a very sad day into one of the most cherished memories that I have.
Months went by. Chemotherapy, 2 more surgeries, and no more hope. The last CAT scan showed that the cancer had returned, and that any further efforts would be futile. My mother opted to end the chemotherapy. She apologized to all of us for giving up. We all told her that she had fought the good fight and was the bravest woman we knew. Never once did she complain, or ask "why me?" She took it day by day, and day by day I watched the cancer take her life breath by breath.
Christmas Eve 1993, I was at my mother's house. She had become so weak by this point that she was virtually bed ridden. We had acquired a hospital bed and set it up in the living room so we could all be with her, and so that she would be in the mainstream of the Holiday Festivities. We all knew that her time was short, but we wanted to make it as normal an experience for her as we could. After lunch that day, I was sitting by her bed and she said, "I don't want to live like this." I told her that I knew she didn't, and that we would miss her but would be ok. She then turned to me and said, "Geri, I know I'm dying. I want to die before the first of the year." I quickly asked her why in the world she would say something like that and she replied quickly, "I don't want to pay that damned insurance deductible again." I could not help but laugh, and she and I laughed and cried together.
New Years Eve 1993, I had been at my mother's home since Christmas Eve. She had been comatose for several days now. Nothing but an occasional moan from the pain she was in. Morphine was dripping into her veins to help alleviate some of her discomfort, and we were all sitting around feeling helpless and hopeless. My granny had gone home to see to my grandfather for a bit, and we were chatting quietly. We heard my mother stirring in the bed, and we all jumped up and went to the bedside. She turned her head and looked at us all for the first time in several days and said, "I love y'all," and with that being said, she breathed no more.
My mother was only fifty years old when she died, but she lives on in the hearts of many people. I see my mother in the fireflies of the summer. Here only for a short time, but the pleasure and happiness I derive from seeing them will last a lifetime.

Au Revoir 2011

2011-12-29T21:57:00.002-05:00

A lot of things have happened since I last posted. I seemed to have pulled myself out of the doldrums I was fast sinking into, and I am feeling more positive about things. Every day we are doing different things to the house to make it more OUR HOME, and I am feeling more like it actually belongs to US.

So, 2011 is drawing to a close, and for that I am thankful. My husband was gone for most of the year, but he made it home from the Middle East safely. We are updating our home, and we are enjoying our time together.

Kendra is a senior this year and has been accepted to the University of Georgia. She will be starting there in the Fall. I am so excited for her I can hardly contain myself!

Zac has settled into his new school very well, and he has made loads of friends.

On the sadder side, my sweet Lia got out of the house, and I haven't seen her since. I miss her so much, and so does Lily.

Oh yeah, I got a new job that I am super excited about!!

BRING IT ON 2012 I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU HAVE FOR US!!

*DISCLAIMER: EVEN THOUGH THE MAYAN CALENDAR ENDS DECEMBER 21, 2012, I STILL THINK THE WORLD WILL STILL BE HERE, ALTHOUGH THERE MAY BE SOME DISTURBANCES ....LOL

Stranger in My House...

2011-12-11T11:17:00.002-05:00

I know it has been ages since I posted, but I was really stricken with this thought in my head yesterday and decided to write about it this morning.

I am so happy to have my husband home, and we have had some great quality time together. We have been able to make many improvements on the new house, and even though we have a long way to go I am so thankful for what we have been able to do. It is very surreal however, because it feels as if we have been on an extended vacation and that the home, move, etc... is not permanent.

I know that may sound weird, but it feels like I am visiting even though we are doing improvements, the house is full of our things, Zac is in school, and hubby has started at his new post. I don't know if it because I have not started working yet, but it is a really strange feeling. Hopefully, once I start working again, it will finally sink in as being REAL....

Giving Thanks...

2011-11-24T14:01:00.002-05:00

I try to be thankful every day, but that isn't always the easiest thing to do. This year has been fraught with stress, anxiety, and situations that I hope I will never have to face again, but even through all of that I have much to be thankful for. I will not bore everyone with the details, but here I go.

I am thankful for my family, a roof over my head, food on the table, a car to drive, and my kittehs...:)

Nerves Ma'am? Why Yes. I'll Have a Whole Case....

2011-10-26T14:39:00.002-04:00

Well, tomorrow is the day my husband will be returning home. I have been waiting for this day for a whole year, yet I am oddly trepiditious. A year is a long time, and a whole lot can change in a year's time. Plus, we have so much to do in the next couple of weeks with the buying of the new house and moving. Although we talk on the phone frequently it will almost be like meeting in person again for the first time. Will he like what I am wearing? Will he like what I've done with my hair? Will he like the fact that I've traded in my glasses for contacts? Weird I know, but as I said, a lot can change in a year.

Sooo, I've been trying to clean house today, which isn't going so well since yesterday at the new house I slipped and fell. I discovered immediately that I am WAY too old to be falling in any manner, and I woke this morning feeling as if I had been beaten during my sleep. Oh well, in every life some bodies will fall. LOL

I think I'll eat a sandwich. Then I will commence cleaning the house bent over like an old Crone....Life is Good!

Nuttin' but Good News!

2011-10-22T14:11:00.002-04:00

We FINALLY closed on our house yesterday and not a moment too soon! After doing the Chase dance for nearly 2 months my legs were tired, my temper was gone with the wind, and I was ready to "tear the club up, " but I made it through that awful nightmare. Kendra and I have done quite a bit of work on the house already which is a perk when your parents own the house you are buying. LOL. I will have to post pictures when I get the camera back. Kendra has taken the camera to the "Puddin' Creek Mud Bog" which by the way, is my idea of hell on earth. We have all of the before pictures, but we are still working on the "after" work and pictures.

The next bit of good news is that my husband is coming home this week coming up! Yay! \o/ He has been state side for almost a week now, and I am ready for him to be home with me!!

Anyway, it all seems to be coming together. I'm looking forward to new adventures!! BRING IT!!

Why Do People Tell Me I Can't Do Something??

2011-10-10T09:34:00.002-04:00

Maybe it is the rebel in me. Maybe it is because I am hard headed. I don't know. I abide by the rules most of the time. I am a bit of a non conformist. I am NOT the typical "soccer mom" though. I have funky hair, my nose is pierced, and I cuss more than most. So, when I got an email from my loan officer emailed me this morning and told me that we "can't" close on Friday, because the underwriters would need extra time to go through all of the paperwork that the JUST asked for on Saturday, which I GOT TO THEM ON SATURDAY I was PISSED! I have done my part, they are getting MY MONEY, THEY are wasting MY time, THEY need to make it happen! END OF STORY! Don't tell me we CAN'T when we CAN!

At The End of my Rope...

2011-10-08T21:36:00.002-04:00

...and it is fraying. The roller coaster that is house buying is quickly becoming too much for me to handle. We are less than a week from closing, and I get a call from the mortgage broker with MORE conditions! I have had a less than a one day turn around on EVERY item they have asked me for, and today was no exception with the things that I could accomplish. NOW, they are saying that they don't have a current VA eligibility form for my husband. THIS is something they have had WEEKS to tell me. I am so frustrated! I am functioning today on VERY little sleep, because Zac was up several times during the night with his asthma and now this crap that could have been taken care of a LONG time ago.

SO, I had to email my husband to see if he can get the paperwork done, so the STUPID VA can proceed even though our loan has already been approved. Hopefully he can. If not, no house. I'm tired emotional and physically. I have been doing this alone with my husband being overseas. I've been working, running a household, and trying to be there for my children. I can't do anymore. I am officially DONE. I'm letting go of the rope.

I'm SO Ready!

2011-09-24T16:57:00.001-04:00

I've got about a million things running through my head right now.
I'm Ready for my husband to get home.
I'm Ready to close on our house.
I'm Ready to have some time off from work.
I'm Ready to get on with my life.
I'm Ready to see what new adventures life has in store.

I'm NOT Ready to leave Kendra to finish school.
I'm NOT Ready for her to start college.
I AM Ready for her to see what new adventures life has in store.

Today's Rant!!

2011-09-19T09:10:00.001-04:00

I started to post on facebook, but I thought it would come out whiny, which is actually what I want to do. LOL. WHINE....A LOT! People have a CHOICE to read my blog, but if I put it on facebook, if they are my friends they pretty much HAVE to read it. LOL So, here I go!

I am physically and emotionally exhausted! Trying to get everything done for this mortgage is driving me absolutely batty. They still haven't been able to inspect the septic tank. My Dad has forbade me to go and dismantle the deck. He says he is going to get someone to do it, and all I can see is time ticking away. It is driving me CRAZY(er)!!!

We still haven't heard back from the appraisal yet everyone tells me not to worry. I am sick of people telling me not to worry when we are supposed to close in less than three weeks!!!!! At this point I am one big bundle of WORRY!!

THEN, I wake up this morning to a voice mail from a friend who hasn't initiated a conversation with me in WEEKS and it says, "I have NEVER not answered a phone call from you. That is just plain RUDE." Well, excuse the FUCK out of me! You do NOT have a monopoly on problems!! #1)My phone was turned down, because I forgot to turn it back up when I got home from WORK. #2) I WAS IN BED IN A COMA #3) Try calling me during the day when I haven't been working like a fucking slave for 12 hours a day for the past 3 days!!!

END OF RANT

Cool Change....

2011-09-12T08:27:00.002-04:00

I am loving these Fall mornings. Even though the days are still getting quite warm, the morning feels like a taste of heaven. Fall is my favorite season. The smell of drying leaves, the crunch of those leaves beneath my feet, and my most favorite of all the colors!

With this coming Fall there are more than seasonal changes coming. Hopefully, my family and I will be moving into a new home. Well, not a new home, it was my Grandparent's home, but we are buying it. I am hoping my family is ready for the changes we will be making in it. Right now it is very outdated and "vanilla." I plan on infusing it with color and LIFE.

My Grandfather died when I was 4 years old. He was a big man both in stature and personality. He was kind and loving, and even though he died when I was very young I still remember that about him. My Grandmother died last year. She was bitter and hateful. Basically, she sucked every bit of joy from any occasion. She chose her favorites, and she made damn sure that those that weren't knew it. Of course, I wasn't a favorite not even close. Never was. Not even as a very small child.

ANYWAY, we are buying HER house. It is a beautiful home that she and my Grandfather bought together. She and her abusive second husband lived in it until she died last year. He went into a nursing home. My family will bring back the love and life that the house had before my Grandfather passed away, and make it into the loving and warm home that it should be.

Times they are a changin'.....For the better!!! I certainly do love Fall.....

My Thoughts on 9/11...Not That Anyone Cares...

2011-09-11T19:36:00.002-04:00

So, here we are on the 10th anniversary of the worst act of domestic terrorism ever. The television stations have been showing it over and over and over all day. The "Mastermind" behind these attacks was reported to be killed earlier this year, yet we were denied his "head on a stake," and he was "buried at sea." I find this all very convenient as well as suspect considering that 2012 is an election year. So we have a memorial today. Fine. How many people have died in horrible Unpredictable accidents over the past 10 years? How many fire fighters and policemen and women? Countless. Will we celebrate their lives every 10 years? I think not. What makes it worse is that we have helped to fund Al Quaida in overthrowing Ghadaffi, and NOW we are letting Libya build a an embassy in Washington, DC. WOW, may as well have let Bin Laden himself move in right next door.

So, if you see a fireman/woman or a policeman/woman thank them not for 9/11, but for the job that they continue to do on a daily basis!

Coffee....

2011-09-08T21:40:00.002-04:00

What can I say? I'm addicted to the stuff. Actually, I'm addicted to a lot of things, most are benign, and none are illegal. I guess maybe addicted is a harsh word. Obsessive, Compulsive, Impulsive. All words I would use to describe myself. All of which are controlled MOST of the time through psychotherapy and psychochemestry. LOL, I just made that word up, but I like it. Sounds much better than the dreaded "psychiatric medication" that I take for my Bi-Polar Disorder. Like I have said before, at least I know I have a problem and seek treatment. I don't self medicate with Alcohol or illegal drugs.

SOOO, back to the coffee that I swill by the gallons. I love it. Just plain old coffee with cream and Splenda. I like a nice Breakfast Blend, and I do like cinnamon in it occasionally. For the most part, I'm a simple girl addicted to caffeine. That is my confession for the day. Not that it is a confession, anyone that knows me KNOWS that I drink a LOT of coffee. LOL I just felt like writing about it, and I had nothing better to do at the time. Maybe one day, I'll write about some of my other addictions, that are not as well known. ^^

Inspector Gadget....

2011-09-07T23:27:00.002-04:00

I had the home inspection and termite inspection done on our prospective new home. Nothing major found wrong. The inspector said that for a home to be almost 40 years old it was in excellent condition. I was glad to hear that. The septic inspector stood us up. I was a bit more than pissed since it is a bit of a road trip for me. No termites either. Yay!

My sister has found other living arrangements and will be out of the house by October 1st. Of course, there are still a few kinks in the process. A cousin took an oil lamp that was supposed to NOT go to him. He just took it when he knew good and well it was supposed to go to my grandmother's niece. Some people think they are just entitled to things. I go in with no sense of entitlement at all. I was never close to my grandmother. Not necessarily of MY choosing. When you are little, it is the responsibility of the ADULT to nurture the relationship which she did not, so when I grew up, I never felt the obligation. I know that may sound cold and heartless, but how can you have feelings for someone that never really gave a damn about you?

ANYWAY, our mortgage broker says that everything is looking great on her end, and everything is going good on our end, so hopefully we will be closing on our house mid-October. THEN and ONLY THEN will the squabbling stop, because whatever is left that I don't want will go to Good-Will cuz that's how I roll........

Home?

2011-08-29T17:20:00.002-04:00

Well, hubby and I have embarked on a new adventure. We still don't know where he will be stationed in the state of Georgia, but we have decided to purchase my deceased grandmother's house. She passed away about a year and a half ago, and my father has not been able to sell the home. It is a big nice home on 1.2 acres with a beautiful garden spot. We have been approved for the loan and have signed the contract. It needs some updating, and we need to make it ours.

We came to this decision, because we could not get the home out of our heads. Every time my husband and I talked we always ended up talking about that home, and how we wished we could buy it. It is the perfect place for retirement. It is about 20-25 miles East of Atlanta. Just far AND close enough if that makes sense.

Hopefully everything will go smoothly with the transaction, because the family dynamics have turned out to be a nightmare. My sister has been living in the home rent free, utilities free, etc... for the entire time. She has supposed to have put in her application for public housing MONTHS ago which she did not do, so NOW she is accusing us of "kicking her out." I asked her if she would have expected a stranger to let her live with them had they bought the home. Of course not she said. I am no different.

Just a bit of history on my sister. She is 48 years old and has never held down a job. She is addicted to prescription drugs and has abused illegal drugs off and on since she was a teenager. She used drugs during all 3 of her pregnancies and has never been held accountable for any of her actions. She uses people for whatever she can get from them.

So, her histrionic behavior, lies, and antics have upset my father who is already in very fragile health. Us purchasing this home was supposed to be a weight off of his shoulders, but instead, she has added to it. However, I am not folding. I have a family to take care of. I told my father he needed to let her take her lumps for once in her life and figure her own way out. My brother, cousins, and nephew have told him the same....Hopefully he will listen....

So, something that should be joyous has turned into a nightmare! Please if you are reading this send up a little prayer for us....especially my dad....

Wow, It HAS been a while...

2011-08-10T16:20:00.002-04:00

Just a few thoughts in my head on this hot August day. Nothing much worth writing about until now, so I thought I would jot them down.

1)If you have failed relationship after failed relationship the problem most likely isn't them it is you. Not necessarily that you are a bad person, but that you make bad choices. So, maybe you should rethink how and where you find your prospective mates, and once you find them how you treat them.

2)If you have to drink everyday you are an alcoholic. Period.

3)If you see a Psychiatrist for ANY reason, and they write you prescriptions for ANY disorder YOU have a PSYCHIATRIC DISORDER. So, don't look down on me, because I am open about mine.

4)Remember, we are all one step away from poverty.

5)Just because I am different than you are doesn't make you better than I am. Try taking a walk in my shoes. If you want to know something about my life all you have to do is ask. I may tell you it is none of your fucking business, but I may not. I'm not going to set myself up for more ridicule, and I am no fool.

End of my thoughts of the day.

Sleep.

2011-06-24T17:07:00.002-04:00

That's all I want to do, but when I do the nightmares come.

Semi-sweet Chocolate :)

2011-06-09T10:02:00.002-04:00

Most everyone loves chocolate. I am NO exception. Some like white chocolate, which is nothing more than sweetened cocoa butter, some like milk chocolate, some like dark chocolate or semi-sweet chocolate which happens to be my favorite. This entry is not about chocolate though it is about how I am feeling right now, but most of my readers had probably figured that out by now. LOL

I am in a semi-sweet kind of mood. My husband and I celebrated our 11th anniversary on June 7th. "Celebrate" is hardly what we did. LOL Being halfway around the world makes it impossible to celebrate properly, but at least we have made it this far. I have been busy collecting some of his favorite goodies for an "Anniversary/Father's Day" box. I got him a "Swamp People" T-shirt and DVD and some of his favorite snacks. Kendra mailed it off today for me, so he should have it by Father's Day. It will be a nice surprise for him.

Kendra started softball workouts this week. She was nervous after the disaster last season was, but this season promises to be a good one. There is a whole new coaching staff, so there is NO family bias or favoritism going on. I am excited to see how it will play out for her!

I'm looking forward to the next year, but it is bittersweet. She is a Senior this year, so she will be turning to a new chapter in her life, and so will I. I can't wait to see what it brings!!

Summertime, Summertime, Sum, Sum, Summertime...

2011-06-04T19:39:00.002-04:00

Seasons change. I am going into my 40th Summer now, and I am damn proud to be here. It has started with a bang, and I hope that it continues that way. It is another step towards bringing my husband home in the Fall. My daughter will be entering her senior year in high school this year, so we are looking at colleges. So much to do and so little time to do it, but I'm looking forward to every second of it. Bring it on! I'm older, a little wiser, and a lot stronger!

Today...

2011-05-13T15:25:00.002-04:00

Today hasn't been a great day. I'm not sure why. I've been on the verge of tears all day. I've felt a heaviness, almost in a physical sense, that I cannot explain. No rhyme or reason to it at all really. Kendra and I have been on the outs this week, but yesterday we were fine, so it isn't that at all. I'm working this weekend, but I don't mind at all. I find that I'm more relaxed at work on the weekends. Not that I want to work every weekend, because I most certainly do not. It is nice to not have all of the "brass" around to muddy up everything though. I just like to be able to do my job unencumbered if that makes any sense at all.

The visit with my husband was nice, although it was not nearly long enough. I'm ready for him to come home for good. The comings and goings of my husband was taking a really bad toll on my kitty Axl, so we decided that it would be better to try and rehome him. It wasn't that hard to find him a home. One of the guys that I work with took him and he is thriving with his family. Axl really needs the stability of a family that isn't constantly moving and changing like ours is. The other two kitties could care less. They just go with the flow. It really hurt me to give Axl up. He was such a special kitty, but we had to do what was best for him. He is doing very well in his new home, and for that I am truly happy for HIM.

I'm trying to plan for the future, yet my future is unknown. I feel like I'm in a whirlwind and my grip on the storm door is slipping......

Time Marches On....

2011-04-14T15:51:00.002-04:00

....an overused cliche to say the least, but oh how true it is. This month is half over already. I'm sitting here going through Zac's school folder for the week, and he is doing very well. He got straight A's on his last report card, and I was a bit surprised. Not that he isn't extremely bright, but he does have difficulty staying on task at times. There are usually a couple of B's in the mix, but as long as he does his best I am completely ok with that. Not only is this month half over, this year is flying by as well for which I am thankful. My husband will be coming home for 2 weeks leave on Sunday, and I am very excited about this.

I am definitely NOT wishing my life away, but I am wishing this year away. I want my husband home and my family reunited. Kendra will be a senior next year, and then there will be college. What else will be in store for the Addison family? Only time will tell. I'm always up for an adventure.......

as an aside, I am not trying to be rude by not answering comments like I used to. My psychiatrist suggested that I just write, so that is what I am doing....

Happy Birthday To You....

2011-04-06T21:30:00.002-04:00

.....Tomorrow I will be 40. I'm not sad about it or freaking out. Actually, I have a nice day planned, and I thank the Creator that I have made it this far. Two things are missing from my birthday. One is missing just THIS year and that is my husband. The other thing is my mother. On my birthday, when I was living at home she would wake me with a rousing version of "Happy Birthday" sung at the top of her lungs. Once I left home, I would receive a phone call on the morning of my birthday from my mother with her singing "Happy Birthday" at the top of her lungs. Unfortunately, I haven't been awakened with that wonderful phone call in over 17 years. Fortunately, this is the first year in over 12 years that my husband has missed my birthday, and I will be spending the day with our children and the evening with my friends. I am blessed beyond measure, so no doubt I will wake up humming "Happy Birthday to ME!"

Movin' on up....er....down....er....laterally....somewhere....

2011-03-22T17:38:00.002-04:00

Well, it's been a while since I have posted. A lot has changed since my last post. My husband has heard through the Army grapevine that upon his return from this deployment he will more than likely be transferred to another unit. That little tidbit of information changes things quite a bit. Of course, no one has bothered to let my HUSBAND know anything about this transfer, but the scuttlebutt comes on good authority. My husband has been emailing higher ups to see if we can get any further information. Nothing yet.

The Army has given us a good life, and we cannot complain. It hasn't come without it's drawbacks. It is like a cruel joke at times. Making promises only to yank the rug out from under us just to laugh when we falter. We are both growing weary of the games, and we are ready for stability. If we are moving, let us know so we can start the planning, and if we are staying let us know so we can continue the status quo.

That is where we are at this moment. Hopefully, we will know something sooner than later.....

I Wanna See a Man About a Dog....

2011-03-02T07:49:00.002-05:00

Damn, this shit is HARD! I'm looking for a medium to large sized dog. I would prefer it to be short haired, and I would love it to be a bull dog or boxer. I want a dog, not a puppy that likes cats, and that can hold his own against Axl the dog eater. LOL I would also like it to be housebroken. I have been scouring petfinder.com, and I have found several that fit the bill to the "T" so to speak. So I email them, and they email me back saying, "Aww, I'm sorry, Buster was adopted just yesterday" or last week or last month or whatever.....I want to scream!!!! "TAKE THEM OFF OF PETFINDER THEN DAMN IT!!!!!!" You would think they would be EAGER to take them down. I know I would, or at least put a little "ADOPTED YAY" by their name to show they found a good home. I know I have some steep requirements, but I'm not going to let it get me down....

So, for now, I will continue my hunt and maybe soon I will get to see a Man about a Dog....LOL

Haunted...

2011-02-25T19:00:00.003-05:00

Anyone that knows me REALLY well, knows that I have a fascination with Cemeteries. I know it is morbid, but I don't care. I find them calming and strangely beautiful. The older the better. I love walking through them, ESPECIALLY old ones reading the headstones, tracing the engravings with my fingers, and imagining what kind of person they were in life now that they lie still beneath a blanket of soil and grass. Some headstones are so tiny that you know that the life had not even had a chance to get started yet. Some headstones stay beloved mother/father, son/daughter, etc... Some have pictures, elaborate engravings, personal sayings, or simply say "Lamb of God."

I've been "haunting" grave yards since I was a child reading headstones, running my hands across the tops of the algae covered marble. I've never been frightened, but I could certainly feel the energy of the place. I wonder if that is something unique to me. I've never taken a survey. Thoughts?

Just a short entry...

2011-02-21T10:51:00.002-05:00

I woke up this morning to a very sweet email from my husband. I had sent him a picture of Zac and Axl that I took yesterday, and he was so excited to get it. I see the changes in the kids, and I am here daily. He can't see it except through pictures, and when I send them the impact is so much more. I could FEEL the excitement in him through his words. At the briefing for the soldiers and their families that we would not be getting the same soldier back that we sent over, and now my husband and I BOTH believe it. I will be getting a kinder, gentler man, that VALUES his family and the time we have together.....

Some people....

2011-02-18T09:15:00.002-05:00

Soooo, this morning, 0730, text message, "are u clear to work yet?"

Me: Nope. Don't see the MD til next Wed. If I had been clear, I would have been back not killing all of my vacation time.

Now tell me, Why would I be just sitting on my ass at home while my children are at school, and my husband is coming home at the END of April using up all my vacation time? I literally will have NONE left, and will actually end up probably not getting a check at all towards the end. NOT my fault, I had surgery. Why is this concept so hard for people to understand? At the hospital where I work our vacation time does not carry over to the next year. We use it or lose it, so you are given a set amount and that is it. SO, mine is getting burned up very quickly.

Sorry for the vent, but after all, what is a blog for?

One More Day

2011-02-15T10:15:00.002-05:00

February 15th. Wow, this year is ticking right on by, and I am so glad. My mom always said to not wish my life away, but this is one year that I must. I'm ready for it to be done and over with already at least up until November. I have been extraordinarily blessed in the way that I have so far had the opportunity to communicate with my husband frequently...almost daily. For that I am truly thankful, and it has made this whole experience so much more bearable for the both of us.

I have always believed that all things happen for a reason, and if we fail to learn something from it then we have missed an opportunity. My husband and I have talked extensively about this, and we have both learned a lot so far. He has vowed to get his passport paperwork started when he comes home on leave in April. He wants to take more time off for travel and family time. I have vowed to just enjoy his presence more and to not take HIM and his values for granted. He is a good hard working man, and he deserves the most that I can give him.

So, I am once again thankful for being blessed with one more day...

What a LONG DAY!!!!

2011-02-12T22:17:00.002-05:00

This has quite possibly been one of the longest days of my life. The kids and I had planned to go to lunch and do a little shopping today, but Zac decided that he wanted to stay home and play with his friends. No big deal, Kendra said she would go pick up cat food while I stayed home with Zac. THEN, she and a friend decided to go play tennis...they are both on the tennis team and need the practice.....

Consequently, I end up spending ALL day by myself. Even the cats were no where to be found. The highlight of the day was talking to my husband this morning. I will thankful to return to work, and tomorrow, I am getting out of this house. I need to go to the grocery store anyway. What a party girl I am!!!! BLAH!!!!

Cake

2011-02-08T16:33:00.002-05:00

Well, what can I say. I love cake. Not just any cake, Birthday Cake. Sometimes I crave it. Not a great thing for a diabetic I must say, but I am really proud of myself for having lost 49 pounds since June. So, every now and then I indulge myself and buy a small birthday cake. I don't eat a lot, just enough to satisfy my craving. The kids enjoy it as well.

Since my weight loss I've been able to come off of both of my insulins and one of my oral hyperglycemics. I take only one now, and my sugar even with the occasional birthday cake remains under control. I continue on my weight loss venture. My surgeries have put a temporary halt to my exercise efforts, but hopefully within the next couple of weeks that will resume as well. So, Happy Birthday to Me.....Whenever the hell I want!

Riding the Waves and Getting Sea Sick........

2011-02-05T13:46:00.002-05:00

Once again I am horribly tardy with my entry. To be honest, I haven't really felt like writing mentally or physically. I think more mentally than physically though. I dunno, most of the time I feel like I hold it between the lines pretty good, but sometimes I run off the side of the road and when I try to regain control I jerk the wheel too hard and end up fishtailing out of control.

Like most everyone else I like to be in control. So much lately has been out of my control, and there is nothing in the world that feels worse than that. So, I'm trying to find ways to regain control, and I'm not doing too well with that. There are so many outside forces that are out of my control, and trying to stay in the boat in 40 ft seas is almost more than I can take.

Turning 40!

2011-01-18T06:24:00.002-05:00

My 40th birthday is April 7th, and I could not be more excited. I'm not sure why, but I am. I happen to share my birthday with my best friend, and I believe "soul mate" Tamara. Soul mate you may ask? Yes, soul mate. Soul mate doesn't have to mean a romantic connection. My husband is my romantic Soul Mate, but Tams and I click in a way that is almost scary. I "met" her about 5 yrs ago on the ebay blogs, and we had an instant connection. We talk daily either online or on the phone, and I am closer to her than I am to any of my siblings. The funny thing is we have never met in person. She is all the way across the country in California, and I am in Georgia. Many people think that is strange, but I don't care. She was brought into my life for a reason, and I am so thankful for that. She makes me laugh when I am down, and she has never NOT been there for me when I have needed her.

This past year she has been tried more than any human should be. She found out she has Stage IV breast cancer with metastasis to her spine and bones, her husband decided that he would leave her, she had hip replacement surgery because of the cancer, she is caring for a special needs child, and she is working a full time job.

So, you may ask, WHY am I excited about my 40th birthday? I'm going to do everything in my power to fly her over so we can celebrate it together and give her a much needed "mini vacation." Plus, I'm going to be 40 and FABULOUS!! Who could ask for anything more?

"Fireflies of Summer" For Sharon

2011-01-13T12:15:00.000-05:00

I've Been a Slacker....

2011-01-13T09:32:00.002-05:00

I've had a bit of Writer's Block. I'm not sure why though. The Holidays are always a rough time for me, and I know they are rough for a lot of people. So, in that respect I am not special. So today I decided to write, whether or not anyone is around to read it.

Christmas was uneventful and fun. We spent it with my niece and her husband. Zac and I drove home on Christmas day and came back home to snow. I've never had a white Christmas before, so that was kind of neat. Kendra stayed down south to spend an extra couple of days with her father and his family.

As hard as I try though I cannot recreate the sense of true "family" I felt at holiday times when I was a child. I think it is because my family is pretty much estranged from each other. Little groups of us have encapsulated, so the days of the entire family sitting around a table brimming with holiday foods and laughter are gone. We go through the motions, but the EMOTION is not there. I can only pray that my children remain close as adults, and that their children are close with each other. Maybe then we can have that sense of family again with laughter and love around a table instead of utensils clinking against porcelain, glasses being placed on the table, and food being passed in awkward silence.

New Years was a nightmare. I spent it sick as a dog and alone. That is all I have to say about that.

I am still fighting some upper respiratory infection, that even the strongest of the strong antibiotics will not kill.

Zac's Birthday was this past weekend and it was a FUN weekend. We had a small party for him Friday night with an AWESOME cake and a few of his friends, and even Kendra's friends showed up. Zac is quite the character so he is loved by many people. I got him the Wii game "Tony Hawk Shred" and OH BOY did they have fun with that.

I'm having a complete Hysterectomy on January 24th at 8am. I'm a bit nervous about it with my husband being out of the country, but I know it is the right thing to do, and what my body needs. I don't want my children to watch me die like I watched my mother die. Kendra will be my support at the hospital and at home. This next week will be a whirlwind for me. I have an MD appointment on Monday with my regular doc to get medical clearance. I have an appointment with my Gynecologist on Thursday to finalize the surgical plans, and I also have to see the anesthesiologist on Thursday to go over their plans as well. Hopefully, I will only be out of work for 4 weeks, so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Work is still work. That is my year so far in a nutshell.

Going Home...

2010-12-13T15:43:00.002-05:00

Next week is Christmas and for the first time in many years I will be going home. I have mixed feelings about it. The kids and I will be spending the holiday with my niece and her husband. I am very excited about that. What I am not looking forward to are the other memories that it will bring up. My mother lived down south and died New Years Eve 1993, and I lost her parents within 2 years of losing her. With their deaths, my family was basically torn apart. I haven't been to their graves since my grandmother died. I probably won't this time either.

My mother's birthday would have been this Thursday. She would have been 67. I look at other people that come through my life that are that age, and I try to imagine what she would have looked like. I look in the mirror and stand on my tippy toes, and I pretty much see her. She towered over me by about 5 inches, and she was much more classy than I am. Her hair was always done, make-up always perfect, and clothes always put together. I am the anti-"her" in that aspect. I've always lived on the fringe, been a bit different, never a conformist. We bumped heads in that aspect. Me with my t-shirt and jeans. She in her twin-sets and dress pants. Me with my scrubbed face, shorn hair, and sneakers. She with her make-up, hot rolled hair, and pumps. Even with our differences we loved each other.

If I live to be 67, I suppose I will know what she looks like. Everyone that sees me that HASN'T seen me in years bursts into tears telling me how much I look like her. (In miniature) So, I will be going home so to speak. It should prove to be interesting.

Things are looking up...

2010-12-03T09:50:00.002-05:00

I'm feeling better about things now. My husband has made it safely to his destination. (Thank God) The Addison household is calming down and our routines are settling back in. The holiday schedule has come out at work and one of the girls at work asked if she could work Christmas Eve for me, and I jumped on that one. That just gives me more time with my children. The kids and I are heading down to my nieces for Christmas, and I think we are going to have a blast. I think I'm done with Christmas shopping, so my next project will be Zachery's birthday party in January. Skateboard themed. Should be a great time! I'm just glad that I am getting back to ME......:)

D-Day...

2010-11-28T08:39:00.002-05:00

Although I had to take my husband back to the airport last Sunday, today is actually the day we have been dreading. He has been away from us for many weeks now, but at least I know he has been safe. Today things change a bit for us. Today he boards a plane for a 20 hr flight. I don't know when I will hear from him again, but I know I will. He is very nervous about going. It is the sense of the unknown.

Over the past few years life has thrown us many curves, and it hasn't always been pleasant. This is just another bump in the road, and I hope the next year flies by. So much can happen in a year. I miss him already.....

A Letter to Santa....

2010-11-26T18:46:00.002-05:00

Dear Santa,

I know I'm a little old to be writing, but I thought I would give it a shot. I'm a simple girl with simple requests, and I don't want much. First of all, I want my kids to have a great Christmas. I can control most of that, and if my job cooperates we will be spending the Holiday with my niece Karmen and her husband Dave. I have most of my shopping done, with only a few little pieces to pick up here and there nothing major.

I have a couple of requests though. I don't usually ask for things, but this year I want a couple of small things. I want a big coffee mug, some flannel sheets, and some new fuzzy sleep pants.

Oh, and if it isn't too much to ask, please keep my husband safe with some magic elf dust or something. I know you can do it.

Love,

Geri Lynn Addison

Giving Thanks...

2010-11-25T07:48:00.003-05:00

It is Thanksgiving morning and I have loads swirling through my brain, but really no cohesive way to put them to paper metaphorically speaking. I have mixed feelings about today. I am SO thankful to have my beautiful family although they are not all physically with me. Zac, the cats, and I are giving thanks by ourselves this year. Most of my readers know that my husband has been deployed, and my Kendra is spending the holiday with her father and his family. We had an awesome "last weekend" with hubby and the entire family last weekend. The house was abuzz with activity, kids, and happiness. We all loved it, and my husband was in heaven. Would I rather have them all here? Of course so, but it isn't in the cards for us. Like LOADS of military families, it isn't in the cards for them either. I just pray that they all come home safely.

Giving Thanks....

2010-11-17T08:58:00.002-05:00

Today is Wednesday. An ordinary Wednesday for most, but not for me or my family. Why you may ask? My husband has been gone for about 5 weeks after being home for 6 days 3 of which I spent in the hospital, and the other 3 I spent extremely ill and recovering from surgery. Before those 6 days home he had been gone for 6 weeks. All of this in preparation for his deployment to the Middle East.

Tomorrow is Thursday. Also an ordinary Thursday for most, except maybe for those freaky Harry Potter fans that are going to the midnight showing of the movie.(me included haha) There is one more thing that makes it an extraordinary day for me though. What makes it such is that I am picking my husband up from the airport! I am so excited to see him, yet the visit will be bittersweet.

Sorry for being cliche, but the term bittersweet just fits here. You see, this is the LAST time my husband will be home, before he leaves for the Middle East. I want the weekend to be perfect. Kendra is staying out of school tomorrow to make an 8 hour round trip to pick up his children. I will pick him up from the airport, so he can be here when Zac gets off the school bus. We want to make every second count. He is exhausted from all of the training, so while he is sleeping, I'm taking a group of teens tomorrow night to the Midnight showing of Harry Potter. Friday morning, he is taking his oldest son to get his driver's license. They are BOTH excited about that!

We are NOT having a "Going Away" party. Those tend to be too somber. What we ARE having is a double birthday party for Kendra and his oldest son. Kendra's actual birthday is Sunday she will be 17. His oldest son's birthday is Dec. 5th, and he will be 18. SOOO, we are having a bonfire, chili, roasting hotdogs and marshmallows over the fire. I have ordered a cake, but not a grown-up cake. I have ordered a cake that mirrors their 1st Birthday cakes. Kendra's was Elmo and Vyren's was Hotwheels, so we are having an Elmo and Hotwheels cake! I think it will be loads of fun, and it will be festive.

Sunday will be one of the hardest days of my life. I will be driving my husband back to the airport. I won't see him for a very long time. His orders say "up to 400 days," but we know at least a year, but hopefully he will be able to come home for 2 weeks on leave during that time. I am thankful for the time I have, and I will be counting the days.

So, Thanksgiving may actually be NEXT week, but everything I have to be thankful for will be happening for me THIS week. Zac and I will be spending ACTUAL Thanksgiving alone. I will probably put a roast in the crock pot with potatoes and carrots. He LOVES that. No worries though. Kendra will be at her dad's, but we all have LOADS to be thankful for...........

Turn, Turn, Turn.........

2010-11-15T15:59:00.002-05:00

It seems as if the leaves have turned overnight. I swear yesterday the trees were still green, yet this morning I awoke to them being awash in color. Although it was raining today it was still beautiful and bright outside. What a wonderful world we live in. The trees painted bright red, orange, and yellow. Who could call a day like today gloomy? To me it was perfect. Renewing rain and trees painted by the creators own hand. I know that in a couple of months the trees will be barren. The technicolor leaves will be in a brown blanket on the lawn, but today......WOW!!!

I'm Melting Away....

2010-11-03T09:03:00.002-04:00

Oh, my ever ending struggle over my weight. I know I am not alone in this fight. Most people don't remain one size and stay that way. It takes a bit of effort. Actually, it takes a LOT of effort. I've been working really hard on my eating habits, and I think I've finally gotten that part licked. I'm eating healthier foods, but if I want something "bad" I'll allow it occasionally. I think the trick is not feeling defeated when I do "cheat." I don't consider it cheating though. I consider it an incorporation. I'm not on a fad diet. I still eat what my family eats, and they are becoming healthier for it too which makes me smile. Kendra is making quite a transformation herself. Now if I could just get the exercise commitment down, I think I will have it made in the shade. I've got 2 "face shots" where you can tell the difference. I've dropped about 35 lbs since June. Yay me!

I've dropped a chin or two, and I am SOOOO thrilled about that!!!!

The Cold Side of the Bed.

2010-10-30T13:02:00.003-04:00

As many of you already know I am plagued by chronic insomnia and last night was no exception. It seems to have gotten worse since my husband has been gone. Sometimes I get caught up in my own little life that I forget that their is an entire world that is spinning out of control around me.

In the lamplight filtering in through the blinds I could see the cold side of the bed. It mocks me. A constant reminder that it is an empty cold space. It is still made the way he left it the beige pillow on the bottom, the brown pillow in the middle, the decorator pillow in the top. Neat. Cold. Waiting.

I keep it that way like a shrine. Waiting for him to come home. I stay on my side of the bed, not out of reverence, but out of fear. Fear of not feeling the warmth of him there. Fear of rolling over and NOT touching the smooth face and feeling his lips graze my inner wrist with the softest of kisses. Fear of the Cold.

I know that many of my friends are going through similar things right now. Many much more worse than I am experiencing at this time. Divorce, Death, Single, Deployment like me. Just know that you are not alone in staring and experiencing the cold side of the bed.

An apology to my loyal readers....

2010-10-26T13:56:00.002-04:00

I've been absent once again. This time I wasn't off wallowing in self pity although that does seem to be a favorite past time of mine that I am contemplating renewing. LOL. Hubby has come home for his 1st of 2 visits and during this visit I became really ill and ended up in the hospital for 3.5 days. I am now minus one gallbladder and several precious days with my husband that I will never get back, but at least he was home to care for our children. So now, it is just the physical mending that is taking place. Hopefully it will be a speedy recovery, so I can get back to work. I miss work and my work family. Hubby will be home again November 18th and will be flying out again November 21st.....It was so nice to see his face.

I must apologize yet again....

2010-10-14T14:34:00.002-04:00

You don't know how many posts I have started and have not finished. I have become quite robotic in my day to day life. Work days are the same. I get up. Work. Come home. Take a bath. Talk to the kids about their days. Pray for it to get dark enough and late enough for me to go to bed, and when it does I do so. Off days have their own routine as well. Get the kids up for school from my bed. Go back to sleep. Wake up. Make coffee. Do what chores need doing. Wait for the kids to get home. Spend time with them, ask about their day, help with homework, go over the previous week's schoolwork. Take a bath. Pray for it to get dark enough and late enough for me to go to bed, and when it does I do so. I'm having good days and bad days. Today is a bad day. A really bad day for some reason, and I feel so guilty for feeling like I do. There are so many people that have it so much worse than I do, and I don't have the RIGHT to feel like I do.

With that being said, I WILL get over this hump. I will quit crying. I will quit bathing in self pity, self loathing, etc.... I WILL put on my big girl panties and get over it!

It's a Beautiful Day!!

2010-10-01T14:04:00.002-04:00

Today is one of those days when you walk out the front door and you cannot help but sigh out loud. The sun is shining, there is a breeze blowing, and the temperature is perfect. Autumn is definitely in the air, and in spite of myself I just had to smile! I know I had an extra spring to my step.

Autumn is definitely my favorite season. Yes, it is the beginning of cooler weather, Winter, the season of things dying off. I don't see it as the beginning of the end though. I see it as the beginning of a NEW beginning. I love it! The smell of wood fires, dry leaves, and crisp clean air. I love the crunch of grass and leaves under my feet. I love wearing my wool socks, Birkenstocks, blue jeans, and a zip up hoodie and T-shirt. BRING IT ON!!!!

Say it isn't so....it isn't so....

2010-09-29T08:37:00.002-04:00

I walked down the dirt lane looking down at my dusty bare feet. Aimlessly kicking a rain smoothed pebble. I noticed that my knees were skinned, and my left big toe had a scab from where I had stumped it riding my bicycle the day before. All in a day's work if you are 10. I meander down the lane that dead ends into a huge field of corn that my granddaddy has painstakingly nurtured all spring and summer. I mindlessly brush a stray strand of hair from my dirty face and continue my trek into the field of corn that is twice my height. It swallows me up like a green leafy monster consuming me, before I have a chance to consume it. Without thinking I run my hands down the shiny giant leaves and look up at the tall tassels that remind me of the worlds largest marching band. I pause and close my eyes listening to the gentle rustling of the leaves that seem to be whispering my name, beckoning to me, encouraging me. I breathe in air that I am quite sure has to be the purest on earth, and at that moment I KNOW that I am the luckiest person on the earth......at that moment I am gently shaken....."Mommy, you don't have to wake me up. I woke myself up." Yes, I was having the most wonderful dreams from my childhood. I did take a fleeting peek at my feet to check for dust, but at his moment I STILL know I am the luckiest person on the earth....

Tuesday Morning...

2010-09-28T09:08:00.002-04:00

Not much on the radar today. I'm washing my comforter in my new washing machine. LOL. Now to see if my OLD dryer can handle actually DRYING it. This remains to be seen. I am loving this Georgia weather. I actually contemplated turning the heater on this morning to knock the chill out of the air, but I decided to just enjoy it instead. Looks like a Law and Order SVU Marathon is on the docket for today. \o/....back to work tomorrow....

Feathers in a whirlwind....

2010-09-26T19:38:00.002-04:00

Made it through the first week. I don't know why it has seemed so long. He has been gone for longer periods of time. I guess it is the anticipation of what is to come. With every passing day, I feel myself getting stronger, and I feel like I am regaining my footing. I only hope he is feeling the same. When I talk to him on the phone I can tell he misses me and dislikes the uncertainty as much as I do, but what can we do? We have children to raise, bills to pay, and this is part of the course of life he has chosen. I chose him as a mate so consequently it is my choice as well. I will continue on my present course. Taking things truly one day at a time. (I hate that saying, but it fits)

This week kind of sucks, but I did it to myself. My schedule is literally work a day off a day until Sunday then it normalizes again. YAY! So until then, see ya on the flip side!

Untitled

2010-09-21T14:53:00.002-04:00

Heart racing.
Cleaning.
Obsessing.
Pacing.
Faking.
Smiling.
Failing.

I survived #1.....

2010-09-20T15:26:00.002-04:00

Well, hubby left yesterday on stage 1 of his training. He will be gone for 5 weeks then he will be home for 4 days. Then stage 2 starts, and he will be leaving for Ft. Bliss Texas for 5 weeks. After that 5 weeks is up he will be able to fly home for 4 days, and then he will have to fly back where he will be leaving for the Middle East for a year or as his orders say "up to 400 days."

Watching him leave was hard. No doubt it will not get any easier each subsequent time, but it is a necessary evil being an Army wife. He had on his "brave face," but I know he wasn't any happier about leaving than we were about him having to leave. I've got a few days off of work to get my $hit together and to make sure the kids are ok. I'm still not 100% sure it has all really hit me yet. It is a bit surreal.

I'm staying busy. Kitties are my new bed buds. Axl misses his daddy though. He slept in his spot last night, and he will probably continue to do so. After this week, I may try to pick up some baby shifts at work. I can always use the extra money. :) Who can't?

Looking Forward....Not Back!!

2010-09-17T10:16:00.002-04:00

Big things on the horizon! The hubs leaves on Sunday. He will be at Ft. Stewart training for 5 weeks, then he will be home for 4 days. He will then leave for Ft. Bliss Texas for 5 more weeks, then he will be flying home for 4 days. He will then fly back to Ft. Bliss and fly to Qatar for a year. So for the next couple of months, our lives will be a whirlwind!

However.....the kids and I are not going to just sit at home and wait for Daddy to get back home. We plan on keeping ourselves busy! Kendra has a trip to Europe that is being planned through her Spanish three class. It will encompass Barcelona, London, and Paris! It is scheduled for March 30th of 2012, so we have a little time to plan, and she actually wants me to go! Yay! \O/ That makes me feel GREAT as a mom! It will be her Senior year, and I know that having that experience with her will be irreplaceable! I am so excited, and I can hardly wait! We have so much to do to get prepared though. I have a passport, but she doesn't. So we have to get that done, and of course we have to get the trip paid for.

Zac is always keeping me busy in one way or another, so I am hoping that the next year will fly by. His Dad is planning on doing something special with him and his older brother Vyren when he gets home since Kendra and I are taking our trip. Vyren also graduates in 2012.

I've never wished more for time to fly than I have now, but I hope it whizzes by so fast I don't know what hit me!

I've not written in a few days...

2010-09-07T09:43:00.002-04:00

I've been more than a little under the weather. I've been a lot under the weather. I am better today, and I'm trying to feel a whole lot better, because Kendra has a ball game today and I have got to go back to work tomorrow. I love my job and co-workers, and I feel like double shit when I let them down. I've been back reading in my blog here, and I have had some giggles. The time for my husband to leave is going by very quickly. September 20th is the day. He will have 2 periods of "leave" before he actually goes over seas, but other than that, that is it. I hope everyone has a good day.

Tick, tick, tick.....

2010-09-03T08:44:00.002-04:00

Much like an Edgar Allen Poe story my life is ticking away one heartbeat at a time. I can almost hear it. I wonder if most people can actually HEAR the life changes as they are coming up as acutely as I can, or if I that is just another of my idiosyncrasies. It isn't that I set out to obsess about certain things it just happens. Once I realize that I AM obsessing I try to STOP obsessing, but that just makes it more difficult, because then I am MORE aware of the obsession. It is truly a vicious cycle that I am not quite sure how to break. I am afraid that I am going to miss or forget something truly important and let someone down. I make lists. Then I check them. Recheck them. Recheck them. Recheck them, and then I check them again. Still, I worry that I have forgotten something important. I am used to obsessing, freaking out, making lists and checking them twice, three, four, a thousand times, but my behavior isn't healthy. I know this.

I drive people around me crazy. Mainly my family. Zac, do you have homework? I've done it momma. Let's go over it ok? So we go over it. Do you know your spelling words. Yes ma'am. Let's go over them ok? OK momma. So we go over them. Are you sure that is all? Yes ma'am. OK. Are YOU SURE? Yes Ma'am. Did you feed the Geckos? Yes ma'am. Clean their cage? Yes ma'am. Today? Yes ma'am. Did you give them enough to eat? Yes ma'am. You sure? Yes ma'am. Do you have your clothes ready for school? Yes ma'am. ..........2 hours later. Do you have your clothes ready for school? You already asked me that. Well, do you? Yes ma'am. Ok......

Same type of thing with Kendra. With a dozen more, "You already asked me thats."

I dunno. I just want to be a GREAT parent. I want them to excel. I want them to have what I didn't. I want to be the mother I didn't have. I want to be the father I didn't have. I want to be everything I didn't have. I want them to be successful. Not necessarily in a monetary way, but in life in general. I want them to wake up everyday EXCITED to go to their job. I want them to be HAPPY and well rounded. I want them to define themselves and to not be defined by things.

I don't want them to be like me.

Today is one of those days....

2010-09-02T11:20:00.002-04:00

I don't know what it is. I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed, and I feel a bit guilty for it. There are many people that are having bigger shitstorms than mine, but it is still my shitstorm. I am trying to hold it together work, children, and household all while my husband is getting ready to leave for a year. T minus 18 days and counting give or take 7 days or so in between.

Not wanting a pity party. Just venting a bit. :)

Sunday...Sundae...

2010-08-29T10:11:00.002-04:00

Typical Sunday morning at my house. Although, I did get to sleep in a couple of hours, and that was VERY nice. I have been very busy lately, and I feel like I don't know which end is up. Yesterday I spent literally all day at a softball tournament with Kendra. Hubby and Zac stayed home. All day at the ball-park isn't exactly their cup of tea, but I quite enjoy it. Other than the wearing of the SPF 90 and STILL getting crispy! Oh this translucent skin of mine!

I don't have too much planned for today. Hubby is knee deep in his last class for his bachelors degree in psychology, and he just so happened to get the biggest asshole of a professor. Needless to say, he is stressing a bit, because he wants this degree, before he goes to the Middle East. I say Middle East, because we are really unsure where he is going to end up. I know they are starting out in Qatar, but my gut tells me that isn't where they are going to finish.

I know a trip to Petco is in order. I poured the last of the catfood in their bowl this morning and the Gecko's are out of meal worms, so off to Petco we must go. That is the only plans that I have for the day. Lunch and Supper are already in the works. I have a HUGE pork roast with potatoes, onions, and carrots in the crock pot already so that is a no-brainer, but a family favorite. Kendra has softball practice at 2pm today. I will sit this one out.

Maybe later ICE CREAM....Who knows? Living and Loving my life!

Guardians....

2010-08-24T07:47:00.002-04:00

Life. It is the most precious thing we have. I believe that no matter what Deity if any you choose to worship it is our duty to protect those that cannot protect themselves. Adults are to protect the children in their care and sometimes the children that are NOT in their care, and we ALL are put here to protect the lesser beings being the animals of the earth.

Yesterday, I came across a kitten in the Wal-Mart parking lot. He was not in the best shape. Could I just leave him there to an unknown fate with the hope that some other person would be kind enough to take him in and give him a good home? I agonized over it for quite a bit and decided that no I couldn't. So, I took him to my husbands office. This tiny ball of fur. They all "ooh'ed and aah'ed" over him. After all, he is a cutie pie. No one wanted him of course. My husband said, "Are you going to take him to the shelter?" I said, "No I'm not." So, I left his office and drove him straight to the vet. $81 later "Jasper" had a clean bill of health and a new home.

I got him home and got him settled in. He is really tiny, so I took an old rusty baking pan and made him a litter box til he was big enough to use the big one. Fixed him a bowl of food and water of his own and a nice safe place in the kid's area where I could keep him safe from my other marauding kitty cats. They were not pleased at his presence. He got hissed at and slapped immediately. I know this is kitty way of establishing "pecking order," but I don't have to like it.

He slept with Kendra, and my husband was so angry that he slept on the sofa. :( I promised him I wouldn't bring ANYTHING else into the house. Apparently that isn't good enough. He left this morning without saying goodbye. Without a kiss. Without a "kiss-my-ass." It isn't like we have 30 cats. With Jasper we have 3. We have a HUGE house. He didn't even KNOW he was in the house til he asked me what I did with him.

I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't party. I don't see the problem.

Random Musing of the Day...Could be the First of Many Though...

2010-08-20T08:53:00.002-04:00

I've been up since 4am, because I went in to work from 5am to 7am. It is currently almost 9am, so I have been up quite a while already. I was debating taking a nap, but I decided to make a pot of coffee instead. Today is my one day "off" and I am trying to make the most of it by doing laundry and such. Anyway, as I bring my cup of coffee into the livingroom I see(and hear) the garbage truck in front of the house, and I am reminded of a childhood dream of mine.

Kids are funny. They often don't see the "dirty" side of things. I remember being about 3 or 4 and thinking that being a garbage man was quite possibly the coolest job (other than working at McDonalds) on earth. I mean, wow, you got to ride hanging on to the back of this HUGE truck! Nevermind you had to handle other people's filth all day long, day in and day out. Not to mention the fact that when you ride on the back of that truck all of that nice garbage aroma blows right into your face. So, with that being said, I'm glad I grew up, and my dreams changed....although sometimes the aroma isn't so pleasant in the ER either....

One if By Land...Two if Bi-Polar....

2010-08-18T13:45:00.002-04:00

Ah, so that isn't EXACTLY how the saying goes, but I took professional license as a writer. Writer, ha, I use that term loosely. I'm more of a hack than anything, writing my personal thoughts and my day to day goings on. Thoughts and such that most people really wouldn't normally be interested in, or at least I don't think they would be. Alas, the thoughts are mine, and they are original to me no matter how mundane or weird or disturbing or whatever you may happen to think they may be at that particular time. I pretty much like who I am for the most part.

I'm pretty quirky. Some may call me weird. Some may not call me anything at all, and that is ok as well. If you call me anything at all that means I at least cross your mind at some point or another. In spite of it all we are who we are. People strive daily to change who they are or to pretend to be something they are not to please others. Can you really change what you are made of? If you are born a certain way can you make a conscious decision to change your ways mid life? Why do some people feel the constant need to conform and "belong?"

Just a random thought for today. I've never been a conformist. I've never really felt as if I "belonged," but I've never been bothered by that either. I try to instill in my children that there is no "normal," and that thinking outside the "box" is a much preferred method although not always the most popular. I embrace my eccentricities and neuroses, and I realize that not everyone can. I'm happy with who I am, and where I am in my life. I'm living it and loving it!

And they're OFF....

2010-08-18T08:00:00.002-04:00

Ah, the first day of school. The kids popped out of bed this morning and even my formerly unimpressed Zachery was rearing to go! "Is it time yet? Is it time yet?" LOL, bless his heart he just couldn't help it! They both looked too cute for words and with a kiss and a wave they were out the door in a flourish. I hope they have a great day. I will be waiting all day for them to get home, so I can hear all about it!

Living and Loving My Life! I hate that my husband isn't here to see it!

After the Boys (and Girls) of Summer have gone...

2010-08-16T09:23:00.002-04:00

....Well, last week was our last full week of Summer Vacation. We didn't get to go anywhere. As most of you know our lives have been in a bit of turmoil with my husband getting ready for deployment. With that being said, I must say, it has been one of the best Summers I can remember. I have had the opportunity to spend loads of quality time with both of my children, and I consider it a blessing. I have really gotten to know them both, and even though at times we have gotten on each other's nerves it has been totally worth it. LOL

I have watched my son blossom and flourish in this new neighborhood with friends and bicycles and skateboards. He has transformed from a boy that was afraid of everything into a boy that is fearless. Today is "Meet the Teacher" day at his school, and they begin school on Wednesday.

Kendra, what can I say. She is a great kid. I will have only one more Summer with her before she is a Senior in high school, and then it is on to college. She is an Awesome student, and I have such high hopes for her in whatever she chooses to do in life. I know she will be a tremendous success!

So, to my kids, Thank You for making me the proudest mom in the world! (and the LUCKIEST)

Well I'll Be a Monkey's...Aunt?

2010-08-15T10:11:00.002-04:00

I just noticed that I have made (counting this one) 102 post into this blog. Kewl huh? Well, it is to me. I know that not everyone is interested in my day to day life, and I don't expect them to be, but it helps me to remember what is going on in the continuum that is my life. Sometimes I get so busy and bogged down in the "everyday" that I tend to forget the little things that I find humorous or that rile me up or that I find particularly poignant or touching. I try to write them here as they happen, and I can go back and read about them later.

This morning, my husband and I were enjoying some quiet time, before Zac woke up. My husband loves hunting and fishing shows. He loves to fish, but as far as hunting I have never known him to go, but I think he would enjoy it. He loves the quiet and the outdoors. He never turns down venison that is offered by his friends at work, so maybe upon his return from the Middle East I will surprise him with a hunting rifle and some hunting gear. He is always invited by his friends, but has never taken them up on it, because he has never been outfitted to go. Since he will miss Christmas, I think I can buy him a rifle, cammo, and other hunting essentials and have them wrapped and waiting for him to open when he gets home. He would definitely NOT be expecting that, but I think he would enjoy the surprise.

Anyway, that is my random musing for today. I hope everyone has a peaceful Sunday. I'm living and loving my life. I am blessed beyond measure.

Chopped Nuts....

2010-08-14T20:42:00.002-04:00

Well, I'm sitting here watching "Last Chance Highway" on Animal Planet. I absolutely LOVE this show! It is about a woman who saves dogs from "high kill" shelters, vets them, spays or neuters them, fosters them out, puts them on Petfinder.com and gets them forever homes. 3-4 Million cats and dogs are euthanized in shelters each year. This doesn't include the ones that die from disease, getting hit by cars, or killed from poisonings and other acts of cruelty.

SO CHOP THE NUTS AND SPAY YOUR FEMALES! BE A RESPONSIBLE PET OWNER.

Steps off of soapbox.

It's the Little Things...

2010-08-10T10:46:00.002-04:00

I had some errands to run this morning. Nothing major mind you, just some mundane tasks that we all have to do from time to time. Kendra went to a sleep over last night, so it was just going to be Zac and me this morning. I hadn't planned on getting up particularly early this morning having stayed up late last night, but alas my fur babies had different plans. Axl decided to turn himself into an 18lb tabby hat at about 7am, and Lily decided that my feet were great play toys at about the same time. SOOOO, up I got, filled their food and water dishes and started my day.

I checked my email and texted my husband a "Good Morning I Love and Miss You" text. I think I woke him up. He is somewhere in Texas. I'm not sure of the time difference, but he texted me back, "Love and Miss you too." I wet my hair and raked some styling glue through it. I went to spray it only to find I was out of hair spray. YAY! Oh well, I have no one to impress anyway. LOL, I slipped on some clothes and woke Zac up to get dressed.

After we were both ready to go, we hopped in the car and headed to the bank to make a deposit for my husband, and then we headed to Cracker Barrel to have breakfast. We chatted about the upcoming school year. Zac is a bit nervous. He is starting a new school, and he will be in 3rd grade. We go to open house on Monday and meet his teacher. I assured him that everything will be ok, and that he will make friends very fast. He still isn't so sure, but I KNOW he will be fine.

We finished up our errands with a trip to Walgreens. Exciting I know, but it was quality time that we won't ever get back, and I cherish every minute. Tomorrow, we are off to "Old Navy" for jeans! We had to put that trip off for when Kendra could accompany us.

My kids are great and I love my life!

Stop this Train...I Wanna Get OFF!!!

2010-08-07T15:35:00.002-04:00

I was just having a look at my schedule for the next few weeks, and frankly, it is a logistical nightmare. Kendra starts varsity softball next week with a tournament that starts of all days Friday. Well, I am working, hubby is working, and we have no alternative childcare for Zac. Sooooo, that means that I either have to see if someone will be willing to switch a day with me at work, which I hate doing, because people DO make plans, or Kendra will have to drop Zac off at the ER and he will have to chill out in the employee lounge until I get off of work. He is a great kid, and he can bring his Nintendo. There is a TV in there, but he will still be in there for about 4 hours. Also, I don't want to get into trouble with my supervisors. The kids start school on the 18th of August, and I shorted myself days that week when I made my schedule. I don't know whether I'm coming or going these days. I need to ask Zac if he wants to ride the bus that first day, or if he wants me to take him. He has become so independent and grown up. I'm almost afraid to ask him. :( Kendra's softball schedule is VERY hectic having 3 games a week and a couple of weekend tournaments thrown into the mix. Hopefully, after this trip to Texas next week, hubby will be working locally until September 20th and will be able to help me out until then. After that, I'm going to have to get creative.....AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!! Sorry to keep venting! I'm just trying to keep it together!!

A Tiny Confession...

2010-08-04T16:41:00.001-04:00

I'm beginning to seriously freak out about my husband going to the Middle East. That is all.

It's Been a Few Days...

2010-08-03T08:31:00.002-04:00

since I have written here. I did stop by last night and delete some inane Asian fortune cookie spam. I mean, what the hell IS the point? If you are going to take the time to comment on someone's post, read it and make an appropriate comment. If you don't like it, that is ok, I can take the criticism. I'm a big girl. I know that not everyone will like me or what I write about, and that is ok. Anyhoo, with that being said, here is pretty much what has been going on.

I had to go to the MD on Wednesday, because I had pink eye. On a better note, I had lost 13lbs since my last visit, my blood sugar was 82, and I got a "high five" from my doctor! I usually get yelled at. LOL I took Kendra for a physical on Thursday. She had to get 5 shots. She was NOT very happy with me. They also drew blood work on Friday. Hopefully good news will come from all of that. She and Zac both have to go back in September. Zac for a "well baby" visit and a booster shot and Kendra for her second Gardasil shot. Yay her. She is THRILLED about that!

I have been working in the ER a bit. LOL, well, my usual shift. I work 3 days a week 12 hour shifts, so that isn't so bad. My husband is still getting ready for deployment, and we are trying to get these kids ready for school. They start on August 18th, and Zachery will be going to a new school. They have shortened the actual school year this year, but they have lengthened the actual school DAY, so he should be a JOY to deal with after school. LOL

Yesterday, Kendra had softball tryouts and she made the team. I never had a doubt that she wouldn't. She is a good player even though her coach is a dumb ass. While she was trying out, I took my car in to have it serviced, oil change and what not. It was time and it is free since it is a new car. Hubby had his done too. While I was getting mine done we went to breakfast, and while hubby was getting his done too we went to Wal-Mart and picked Zac up some shirts for school. We then went to the mall and got Zac 2 new pairs of school shoes. I also got a pair of new Reebok "Simply Toning" Walking shoes. I plan to break them in today.

So, there you have it. Nothing too exciting. The Zac funny of the week is posted on my facebook, but I will post it here for posterity. LOL, Last night, He ran through the living room in boxer shorts singing, "It's Raining Men." odd behavior for an 8yo, but then again, he is my son. Gotta love him! LOL

Just a Random Memory...

2010-07-25T14:48:00.002-04:00

...My mother was a very practical but proud woman. Back in the early 1990's when "car phones" first made an appearance I remember her saying, "I hope I NEVER think I'm so important that I have to have a phone everywhere I go." Thinking about that kind of gives me the giggles now. She died in 1993 WAY before the mobile phone craze had gone...well...crazy. Today we can choose from phones that do everything but our laundry from phones that are just that phones. Most of our children are connected so we can stay in constant contact with them. Gone are the days of keeping a quarter so we can access the pay phone if we are running late on curfew. Now we just have to make sure our mobile devices have enough charge and if they don't that we have a charger handy just in case. I'm thankful for the technology. It keeps me in contact with my children and my children in contact with me. I still have to wonder which one my mom would have chosen if she had chosen one at all...I think she would have though ;)

Good Sunday Morning!

2010-07-25T09:49:00.003-04:00

So far it is beautiful here in Georgia, but I can already tell that it is hot. The A/C is running and it is on 76, and it is 10am. Not a great sign as to what the rest of the day will be like, but this too shall pass. I stayed up late last night watching "One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest," so I didn't go to bed 'til around 2am. I slept later than normal and woke to a couple of icy kitty stares. What else is new right?

Gotta love the little furry beasts though! They want nothing more from me than to be fed and petted, and I am more than happy to oblige them both. They bring me the greatest joy and are more than happy to lay around with me when I'm not at my best. No judgements from them just snuggles and purring.

So today is a lazy day with the kids. No big plans. LOL, no little plans for that matter, but that could change.

My life is fabulous, and I wouldn't change a thing. I have been blessed beyond measure!

To the Asian People....

2010-07-24T14:45:00.002-04:00

......that answer my posts. While I appreciate your interest and you taking time out to comment, I have no idea in hell what you are saying. Actually, I would venture to say that none of my other readers know what you are saying either unless you are using blogspot to plan some odd military coup and are using us unsuspecting bloggers as a conduit. I'm assuming that if you can READ English, that you can also WRITE English. Please start doing so. It is like being in the damn nail salon and having the workers speak in their native tongue while performing their service, and I find that very unnerving and rude. End of rant....

Friday Morning....

2010-07-23T07:54:00.002-04:00

It's 8am, and I have 4 days off from work. I am thankful. 4 days to spend with my kids, but I am sad that my husband is not here. He has been gone since last Saturday, and he won't be home again until next Sunday. He has been texting me nightly. Sometimes it is really late, and I wake up to it, but it is still nice to know that he is missing me as much as I am missing him. He is also making sure to text the kids. Poor man, I know he is exhausted, but thank God for modern technology. Had it not been for cell phones who knows when or if we would be hearing from him. He has lots of training coming up getting ready for his deployment. I guess it helps us get used to him being gone, IF you can get used to it. I dunno.

On a lighter note, in lieu of smashing my Blackberry to bits with a hammer I traded it in on a regular phone. I didn't use half of the features and it was driving me CRAZY(er). So, now I have a Samsung Reality and I am happy. I can text and talk and check my facebook without difficulty. It still has a calendar to help me keep up with appointments, so what else can I possibly need or want? PLUS, I don't have to pay the "Smartphone" fees anymore. YAY

I'm not sure what the kids and I are going to get into this weekend. Not too much as our funds are limited, and Kendra has to babysit tomorrow night, but whatever we do it will be together as a family. Thanks to all who read!

And THAT'S When it Hit Me....

2010-07-20T15:01:00.002-04:00

...Riding home from Petco yesterday my phone makes the little dinging sound that it makes when I have a message. I check it and sure enough I have a picture message, and it is from my husband. This is the image that I received.

That is when it hit me. Him going back to the Middle East is going to happen and it is happening soon. His official "retraining" has begun. This training session is 2 weeks long, and he will be home on July 31st. He will be leaving again sometime in August for another 3 weeks, September for 5 weeks (obviously going into October), and he will be going to Ft. Bliss Texas on October 25th and from there he goes to Qatar.

While this picture makes me proud of my handsome soldier it also evokes a profound sadness of memories that will be created that he will not be a part of, tears that will be shed that he will not be able to wipe away, warm baby hugs he will not wake up to, and bad 8yo boy jokes he will not be the butt of.

It will be hard for us left behind, but it will be so much harder for him having to go and missing out on so much....

Shhhh, Don't Tell Anyone.....

2010-07-20T08:43:00.002-04:00

......yesterday, I had fully intended on resting after working the entire weekend. After writing my blog entry yesterday morning, I went into the bathroom and glanced in the mirror. Most of you know I keep my hair very short, and it had grown just a little too long for my liking, so I decided to call my hair dresser and see if she could fit me in and low and behold she could. We also needed a few groceries, so Kendra said she would go while I was getting my hair done if I made her a list, so I did. She is such a good kid and ALWAYS willing to help. SOOOO, then after that was all said and done, we decided to drive to Tiger Town to go to Petco to buy a different container to put Izzy's meal worms in. The other container allowed them to escape, and they ended up crawling all over the enclosure. (gross)THEN, Kendra and I made another feeding box for Harley. She had outgrown the other one. So then I did 2 loads of laundry, cleaned out the litter box, unloaded the dishwasher, and wiped down all of the kitchen counters. Wonder how I'm going to rest today??????

Monday Monday...

2010-07-19T09:54:00.002-04:00

Well, another weekend has come and gone. I spent mine in the ER working. It wasn't a horrible weekend all in all, but the combination of doctors wasn't great. Oh well, it is over now. Today is the beginning of a new week. The kids and I don't have too much planned for today. We have got to go to the grocery store, because we are out of the basics. No milk, bread, or sandwich meat. LOL Staples in our home. I have also called in my prescriptions to be filled. Hahaha, I feel like a granny. I put all my medications in a basket. Pretty damned pathetic huh? I'm working on that one though. I'm hoping the more weight I lose, the more meds I can QUIT taking. I've lost about 15lbs since working in the new ER. I think it is a combination of healthier eating, because I take my breakfast, lunch, AND snacks, and we walk about a million miles a day. I dunno, but something has got to give. I want to see my kids grow up and have kids or not have kids, but be successful in whatever they choose to do.

To my loyal readers who do pray, two of my friends need prayers. The specific need doesn't need to be spoken aloud, just pray for their physical and emotional healing and peace please. Thanking all of you in advance.

Whatever Creepeth the Earth...

2010-07-16T13:49:00.002-04:00

....most of my followers know that I am a "Crazy Cat Lady," but I am also a reptile fan. I do NOT like amphibians. They look slimy, because they ARE slimy. So, I want no part of them. Reptiles are cool. We have had a Kenyan Sand Boa for a couple of years now, and she is way cool. We have spent the past two days upgrading her enclosure, and we took her smaller enclosure and decided to expand our reptile family by adding a Leopard Gecko. Petco was having a 50% off sale, so Zac picked out the perfect Gecko. Zac named him Izzy, and he settled in and began eating right away. I think he will have a great home with us, and I am in love with him already! The worst thing about reptiles is their choice of food, but I can get over that unless they want to share with me. LOL

I Tumble for Ya...

2010-07-09T09:11:00.002-04:00

Soooo, last night, my husband comes home late. He is exhausted and frustrated and says, "Let's just get out of here and go sit down and eat somewhere." Zac and I had already bathed and were in jammies, but the look on his face prompted me to get up and slip into some clothes and off we went. We decided on IHOP, because it wasn't too crowded and it is relatively inexpensive. So, we eat a decent meal, have some nice calming conversation, and have some laughs at Zac. We get ready to leave, and I go to exit the booth, step on the back of my own flip-flop, and go down like a felled tree landing HARD on my left knee. I popped up like a jack-in-the-box and nearly ran out of the restaurant passing my husband. If he HAD hair I'm sure I would have created enough wind to have blown it back. He said, "What in the world is wrong with you?" I answered, "You didn't see me FALL out of the BOOTH?" He said, "No" and through his laughter asked, "Are you alright?" I pointed to the nice carpet burn on my left knee which made him laugh harder, and I said, "Other than this carpet burn, and my pride, I am fine." Well, I made IHOP truly IHOP.....

Days Gone By...

2010-07-06T10:33:00.002-04:00

I must thank Tim York and our silly facebook banter for bringing to mind very real memories for me....

I was fortunate enough to have a very close family when I was a small child. I suppose I was about 3 or 4, but I remember bits and pieces of the vacations we would take AS a family. Mom, Dad, my 2 sisters, me and my maternal grandparents WOULD load up in the station wagon with the fake wooden sides and head to the beach. I'm not sure which beach. It would take forever it seems to get there. I remember we always had a hotel ON the beach though, and we would all share a room. My parents and grandparents would sleep on the beds. My sisters and I would sleep on pool floats on the floor covered in sheets. I remember my swim ring that looked like a big Lifesavers candy, and my granddaddy rolling up the legs of his khaki pants and jumping waves with me. I don't think he owned shorts. It was on one of these trips that I learned to swim, developed my love of the sea, and my hatred of sand. I still love the smell of tanning oil and the taste of the salt air...

Thanks Tim

I DON'T HAVE A MUSTACHE!!!!

2010-07-04T10:44:00.002-04:00

.....and so it begins....yesterday, I went for a pedicure at the new nail salon in Wal-Mart. Friends from work had given it RAVE reviews, so I talked hubby into treating me to a "me" morning. I made sure I was there at 10am when they opened. They were VERY friendly and all greeted me with smiles. "Tina" a petite oriental girl introduced herself and asked me what my name was. I told her and she led me to a pedicure station complete with the most bizarre massage chair I have ever seen. It actually gave butt and thigh massages. Kinda nice though. I digress. "Tina" proceeded to give me the BEST pedicure I have ever had complete with a sea salt calf scrub, hot stone leg and foot massage, and parrafin wax foot wrap. After my nails were all cute she asked if I needed my eyebrows waxed, and I said, "Actually, I do, can you do it?" She assured me that she could and led me to another station....

So, there I was blissfully getting my eyebrows groomed when "Tina" says, "How about your mustache?" Taken quite aback I sat up and stated, "I do NOT have a mustache." Tina looked at me sweetly, handed me the mirror, and said, "See, you have mustache." So, I swallowed quite loudly, looked in the mirror, and sure enough, I have a little blonde mustache at the corners of my top lip......Horrified, I told Tina, "Rip that sucker off" and so she did. Then she made up for TELLING me that I had a mustache by saying, "See, NOW you look beautiful." Bless her heart. I only had to pay her a total of $50 for the great pedicure, eyebrow wax, lip wax, and that BIG FAT LIE......

Honestly, I thought the whole thing was hilarious! If you can't laugh at yourself, you have no right to laugh at others, and I do PLENTY of that!!

Making a List......

2010-06-30T09:32:00.002-04:00

I am a list maker. I make lists to keep up with lists to keep up with the lists that I make. I have to keep myself organized, or I get really anxious. I know, me? Anxious? Who would have thought it? (HA) Anyway, I like to get started EARLY on Christmas. If I'm not done by November (preferably October) I get anxious. (There is that word again. LOL) So, I've had Zac and Kendra both make their lists. Kendra's is short, easy, and expensive. LOL, she is a teen after all, but I have plenty of time (GULP) to save. She wants an Ipod Touch and some weirdo adapter thingy, so she can use it in her car. Zacs list makes me laugh. It started out as a well organized "list," but now there are things listed all over the paper with things circled and check marked. I'm sure it will get longer and messier as time goes by. I've already bought Zacs "Mongoose Skateboard Twin-Pack," but I have got to buy the helmet. So much to do....so little time....I can check one thing off my list though....

List for this weekend
1. Pedicure
2. Haircut for Zac
3. Get Breast Cancer Ribbon Tattoo Touched up

Maybe hubby will take Zac for the haircut....it is a chore to get that child to hold still.

It's the Little Things...

2010-06-29T09:52:00.002-04:00

Tonight I have a "date" with my daughter. We are going to the midnight showing of the movie "Eclipse" with a couple of my friends. Yes, the movies are campy, and they have pretty well all sucked, but it is something for us to do together. The first one was great actually. It was so ridiculous that Kendra and I laughed so hard that we actually decided to get up and leave, but a great time was had by both of us. You are probably wondering why we would choose to do it again. Well, it is simple. It is time that we can spend together. Time that we will never get back, and we hope that maybe the movie won't suck quite so badly. LOL We had tickets for the midnight showing of the second movie, but I ended up with the flu, so she went with friends instead. It just wasn't the same. So, we head out tonight, supper at IHOP, midnight movie, and lots of fun! So, I guess it isn't so little after all...My baby girl is growing up and these are days I won't get back. I cherish every moment that she wants to hang out with her mom. I AM truly blessed to be her mother.

What a cool week I have had.....

2010-06-28T21:10:00.002-04:00

....and it is only Monday! I reconnected with my best friend from first grade. She found me through facebook of course. We have yet to catch up properly, but I worked all weekend and I'm sure her life is just as busy as mine is. If that wasn't neat enough, my First Grade teacher friend requested me today on facebook! I remember her vividly and the fact that she remembers me at all after 33 years just floors me and brings tears to my eyes! LIFE! I am NEVER ceased to be amazed by it! I can't wait to see what tomorrow has in store!

Thursday.....

2010-06-24T08:38:00.002-04:00

Nothing too special about many Thursdays, and this one is no different. I'm off of work which is nice. I'm up early which is also nice. I'm sipping a huge cup of coffee and watching Lily stalk the Bettas. Now she has moved to the printer that my husband has placed on the coffee table so he can print his school work. I absolutely HATE his "mobile GEEK station" as I call it. It junks up my living room and I hate clutter and disorder.

So, today should be relatively uneventful for me. Kendra is babysitting, I have laundry, and I'm sure once Zac gets up he will be heading outside to play. I plan on getting some rest gearing up for the weekend at work. I actually think my husband is off of work tomorrow. His deployment date has been moved up again. We are now looking at October 25th. Time is marching on......

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas....

2010-06-21T15:18:00.002-04:00

....I was just sitting here thinking about the holidays this year. Being an emergency room nurse kind of sucks around holiday time. We usually alternate holidays. Two years ago I ended up working Christmas Eve and Day, because the way they had me scheduled around that was ridiculous, and the time with my family would have been all messed up. So, last year, I worked Thanksgiving Day and Christmas day. So, that means that THIS year, I should have them both off. The thing is, my husband will be somewhere in the Middle East for both of them. So, Kendra, Zac, and I will have a Merry LITTLE Christmas indeed. Kind of pathetic if you think about it, but at least I will have my children with me. OH, and I can't forget my fur babies either. In the grand scheme of things I have no right to feel melancholy about it at all. At least I will get to BE with my children. My poor husband will be thousands of miles from any of us in a land that doesn't celebrate Christmas. Thank Goodness he will be with friends and it will make the next holidays that much sweeter, because hopefully he will be home with us where he belongs....

Sloth.....

2010-06-19T14:49:00.002-04:00

.....One of the 7 deadly sins or so "they" say. I am committing this one today without a hint of guilt. I deserve it. One day out of 7 isn't so bad. At least I don't fill my week with a deadly sin a day, although it may be worth a shot. Maybe I'll think about that tomorrow, but today I'm slothful so I'll be putting that off.

Change Will Do You Good....

2010-06-16T09:56:00.002-04:00

...Or so they say. On June 1st we moved into our beautiful new Emergency Room. I think I am getting used to it pretty well, although it has been a HUGE learning curve. My knees and hips ache a little more at the end of the day, and my days off are much more appreciated, but maybe that is a good thing too. Too soon after THIS change is the change of our medical director. My very favorite doctor who just happens to be the medical director is moving to Las Vegas. We had his going away party last night, and while we had a blast it was bittersweet. We have a new director coming in, and I think he will be great too. We have worked with him for several years, and he is young, super smart, and awesome.

So, Dr. Scott going to Vegas gives me another friend there and another reason to visit, and having the opportunity to know him has made me a better person and nurse. I am thankful for the experience, and I look forward to learning more about myself and my job everyday!

An Honest Mistake?!?!

2010-06-06T11:46:00.002-04:00

So, this morning I woke up, and I was REALLY hungry. I don't normally wake up hungry, but this morning was the exception. Zac came into the kitchen just as I was about to pour the milk in my cereal. He said, "Why are you pouring milk into that cat food?" I looked into my bowl, and sure enough, I had poured myself a nice big bowl of Blue Buffalo cat food. Lord knows what would have happened had he not walked in at that point. I guess I would have taken a nice big bite of cat food! If you can't laugh at yourself do you really have the right to laugh at others? (which by the way, I do a lot) LOL

So I took a nap....

2010-06-05T19:01:00.002-04:00

I've done basically what I intended to do today which was basically nothing. I ate breakfast and watched America's Next Top Model reruns til I couldn't take it anymore. At about 3:40pm I decided that I was hungry again, and I asked my daughter if she wanted something to eat. She informed me that it was neither lunch nor supper time, and that if I ate a meal then I would only be hungry later so I should wait. That's what I did. Since when did we change roles? I was hungry and bored, so I picked up both of my cats and went to my room and went to bed. We had a great nap, but Lily woke me up with a paw to the side of the head. Apparently she had to use the litterbox, so we got up. Thank God it was also a respectable time to eat too. I'm thinking hamburgers........

Ummm

2010-06-05T07:35:00.002-04:00

Not too much to say today. It is early, and it looks a little gloomy which matches my mood exactly. LOL, as I typed that it reminded me that my mom used to call me Eeyore. Apparently I was a gloomy kid too. Not that I'm gloomy all of the time, but it has been a cry or die week, so I have chosen the cry option. Doesn't exactly THRILL my kids, but I don't think that my dying would thrill them too much either. Who knows? This too shall pass. The swing is down and going fast. Stop this ride I wanna get off....

A Productive Wednesday so Far...

2010-06-02T11:47:00.002-04:00

......Actually, not so far, period. I don't plan on doing anything else today. LOL I dropped Lily off at the Vet so she can get spayed today. We really needed to have it done. She is a year old and with every heat cycle her behavior was getting worse and worse. Kendra had cardio training today, so after Zac and I dropped Lily off we went to IHOP for a completely unhealthy mother-son breakfast. When we were finished with breakfast Kendra was done with her workout so we went to pick her up and headed for the animal shelter to take a few blankets.

Ah, the Animal Shelter. LOADS of beautiful cats and dogs. I would bring them all home if I could especially the cats. They were exceptionally engaging today reaching through the bars and grabbing at our clothing. So we played with the kitties for a long time today! I pray every night that my husband will find his "inner animal lover." So far it hasn't worked. Maybe some day....

A Random Musing About Cats in Heat.....

2010-06-01T11:32:00.003-04:00

.....Well, I know this is a difficult subject for most, but I intend to talk about it. It is quite possibly the closest thing to Hell without actually going. It is a week of cat yowling, rolling around in the floor, and rubbing their genitals on anything and everything that will hold still or is stationary. NOTHING is sacred. Every piece of furniture in my home including my rock fireplace surround has been molested by my normally sweet little brown cat that at least once a month turns into a creature that I do not recognize. This last cycle was particularly bad, and actually had me considering going in to work and doing overtime just to avoid the yowling and howling that was permeating my home. I can take no more. Tomorrow is the day. She is back to her sweet self, and we are hopefully gonna keep it that way. She has no idea that her life will change tomorrow, but I know it will be for the better. They will have to keep her over night and that will make me sad. She will think her mommy has abandoned her, and I will be working Thursday when she is ready to come home, but Kendra will be there bright and early to pick her up. I am so excited!

I know it seems very silly to be excited about something such as this, but I am a huge proponent of Spaying and Neutering your pets. I don't think any responsible pet owner just lets their pets run mamby pamby and have litter after litter of puppies and kittens. It is too hard to find them homes with responsible owners as well. Anyway. I will not get on my soapbox here except to say that I have two pedigreed cats that I could have bred, but have made the conscious choice not to. Think long and hard before you get a pet, and think long and hard before you allow them to reproduce.... Too many unwanted animals out there already.

So, Kendra and I have gone through our blankets and are washing them getting them ready to take to the Animal shelter. They are always in need of blankets and towels. You can take it off on your taxes too!!!

Work, work, work....Change, change, change....

2010-05-28T21:28:00.002-04:00

Heading back to work tomorrow. This will be my last weekend of working in the "old" ER. We officially move to the "new" ER on June 1, and I am excited and a little bit nervous. It is BEAUTIFUL, and in my 16 years of nursing I have NEVER worked in a brand new area. So, I think it is about time. The new ER is quite a bit bigger and a whole lot different than what we are used to, so it is stepping out of our comfort zone a LOT, but change for the better is a good thing, and we work hard, and we deserve a nice new work area. I am very proud of the place that I work and the job that I do. I am blessed to have great co-workers that understand the meaning of a TEAM. Sorry for all of the run-on sentences, but it is late, and I am ready for bed. Have a great weekend!

One step closer to death or dismemberment...LOL

2010-05-27T22:04:00.003-04:00

I've always been a little frightened of motorcycles. My husband recently got one, and I thought, "Hey, I may enjoy riding one of these things." I made the HUGE ass mistake of actually VERBALIZING that out loud in front of him, so this morning, he said, "Let's go take the written test to get our permits." He has had one before, but it has lapsed. I have never had one before, but apparently I have lapsed as well, because I went along with him for kicks and giggles. He had been asking me questions from the book for the past few nights to help himself study, so I never thought I would have a dog's chance in hell of passing, and I didn't think he really did either. Not only did I pass, but I only missed 2 questions. You can miss a total of 5 and still pass. Hubby missed 4, so in all actuality I did better than he did, which I have not let him forget ALL DAY LONG. LOL, Anyhoo, we then went to try on bikes. He already has his, but I don't have one. The permit is good for 6 months. I had done some research on the internet on the top 10 starter bikes, and decided that would be a good place to start. We started at the Yamaha shop. I like the V-star 650. It has good balance, and it isn't too heavy. THEN we went to the Harley Davidson Dealership where I met my soulmate. LOL He came in the form of a 2009 Orange and Black Retro Sportster....I think I'm in love....I should have taken a pic....I'll try to get one from their website....He completes me....too bad he is so damned expensive....a girl can dream right????

Anyway, the Harley Dealership actually teaches a comprehensive 3 day class that teaches you how to ride and they let you ride one of their bikes. I think that is the route I am going to go, so I can get my license, so when my soulmate is ready for me, we can hook up properly. LOL

Sunday Morning...

2010-05-23T08:41:00.003-04:00

Wow, what a beautiful morning! I love the colors of nature! The bright green of the trees against a backdrop of sky blue highlighted by the bright rays of the sun causing mist to rise as it takes a drink from the earth in a futile attempt to parch it's dry throat. MARVELOUS!!!! The wonders of the world never cease to amaze me. The birds are awake and searching the leaves for their breakfast while the squirrels scamper around with their mouths full of nuts or some other hidden treasures. While the world is yawning and stretching performing it's homage to the sun, I find myself doing the same, and praising the creator for giving me the privilege of another day. Another day to bury my face in my sons hair, to look at my daughter's beautiful smile, and to drop a kiss on my husbands bald head.....Life is good!!!

Just some Random Thoughts About Religion...

2010-05-22T13:48:00.003-04:00

My husband and I took a rather lengthy ride on the motorcycle today. We rode to a small town called Pine Mountain, and the ride itself was actually beautiful. It gave me time to think about a lot of things. As I surveyed the beautiful scenery it's creator was foremost in my mind. I was raised in a tiny church called Reedy Creek Baptist Church. It was a very small church and the environment was more family like than anything. It was our social scenes as well. The pastors there, I remember 2, were soft spoken and weren't the hellfire and brimstone Bible beating type that are depicted in so many movies of southern churches. I know there are preachers like that, but I am so thankful that I wasn't exposed to that type of environment as a small child. Now, as I grew older, I went to different churches and did have the misfortune of encountering this type of "preaching." Basically telling me that if I wasn't in church every time the doors open that I was going to suffer an eternity of pain and suffering in a never ending hell.

My concept of the Creator may differ from yours, but it doesn't mean I am wrong. I believe in an "Afterlife," but I also believe in a "Before life." I may not be "religious," but that doesn't mean I am not a spiritual being. How can one look at all of that surrounds us and not believe in a greater power? Just because I don't put a name to mine, or carry a Bible doesn't make me wrong. I feel the presence of the creator all around me at all times. I choose to not go to church. I don't need the approval of other humans. I don't need someone to say, "Hey, Geri is a great person, because she goes to church." How many times to you see people tossing back martinis at the local watering hole on Saturday night only to show up at church on Sunday morning? So what if you talk it if you don't LIVE it.

I am who I am. I wear a rose quartz crystal around my neck, because I like the energy I derive from it. It's perfectly formed cool edges comfort me, and yes, I believe that natural crystals have healing energies as well. I believe in the basic 5 elements earth, air, fire, water, and finally Spirit. I pray. I know I will see my mom and grand parents again. I also know that they have truly never left me. I believe that spirits will try and make contact. Do you listen?

Thunder....

2010-05-21T14:36:00.003-04:00

.....what a beautiful sound. Right now, the world outside is a strange green color, and the sounds of nature are becoming forceful demanding that I take a look, smell the smells, appreciate the wonder, beauty, and power. So I do. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, and I feel the power. I am nothing but an insignificant speck in this great big world, but I am so honored to be here....

Overcast....

2010-05-18T15:09:00.001-04:00

Today is very overcast...I'm not sure if it is going to rain or not...Sure is making me sleepy...Sure is making me use lots of periods...Sure is..........

Ride Like the Wind...

2010-05-17T13:08:00.002-04:00

...I wasn't sure if everyone would be interested in reading about my motorcycle "adventures" or not, and I was undecided as to whether or not I should begin a new blog. For now, I will continue my bike adventures here. Hubby and I went on a ride today for about 1.5 hours. We rode to a nearby lake and dam. We love to go there in the car, but the experience by bike was completely different. Today is a bit overcast and it is looks as if there may be a storm trying to develop. Today the fragrances were a bit different for me, and the sights were a little bit different as well. The smell of rain assaulted my nostrils mixed with honey suckle and freshly turned earth. If only I could bottle that smell. What a comfort it is to know that there IS a higher power out there that truly does appreciate the finer things in life, and that feels us worthy enough to share in them as well. Call "him/her" what you will, "God, Allah, Buddah, Gaia, etc...." it is all the same. Agree with me or not it doesn't matter. What I experience defies naming. You name your baby, dog, cat, fish....how can you place a name on what defines EVERYTHING??? Anyway, I digress, I have taken a few pictures of my journey today. I hope you enjoy them. I really hate that I didn't get a snap shot of the Osprey?(I think) diving into the water for a fish, or the huge turkey hen that watched us as we drove by. I was too busy watching them in amazement. Life is certainly a blessing...