Scratch and Sniff??? FFS!!!

In my bizarre little world I find my self doing bizarre little things. I don't particularly know why, but today this just struck me as pretty much one of the funniest things I do. I see an unfamiliar spot. I sniff it. Weird I know, but I can't help it. If I can't smell anything when I sniff it, I scratch it, then I sniff it again. So far, I've gotten peanut butter, grape jelly, a tad of soy sauce and something vaguely familiar yet unrecognizable...I think this is a compulsion I need to break...and soon...I see it ending badly...LOL Just thought I would share.

Things I Miss From My Childhood...

My Granny Singing in the Kitchen
The way my grandpa always smelled faintly of regular gasoline, Aqua Velva, and Vitalis
My Mom's smile.
Walking through the freshly plowed fields
Easter Dresses and Black Patent Leather Shoes
Taking the Row Boat out in the pond
Playing in the rain
Shelling peas under the Chinaberry Tree
Family Reunions
Beach Vacations
Picking wild blackberries
Wearing cut off shorts
Playing "Kick the Can"

Adventures of an Insomniac....

...I know I have spoken on this topic before...a LOT...but it is a BIG part of my life and has been for years. Actually, it has been a part of my life as long as I can remember. Not sleeping is a pretty miserable thing. I mean, how many re-runs of "The Golden Girls" can one watch without going into Sarcasm Overload? I find myself walking and talking like Bea Arthur and longing to wear really long sweaters and big chunky jewelry, and it just doesn't work for a number of reasons. LOL, #1. I am about 2 feet shorter than Bea Arthur. #2. I look HORRIBLE in Cable Knit, and #3. I just CANNOT work that puffy grey hair! Anyhoo, as you may have seen from my previous postings, at the urging of my medical doctor, who apparently fears for my sanity (HAHA, which unbeknownst to him has been LONG GONE) urged me to see a psychiatrist for my insomnia AND my depression. Depression you may ask? YESSSSSSS. I have been on nearly EVERY mood stabilizer known to man and have never seen a psychiatrist. LOL, my family MD had always just written them for me, and when I felt better, or didn't feel any different, or for no particular reason quit taking them....they wrote for a new one....so, off to the psychiatrist I go. I know, I know...big GULP moment and NOT in the 7-11 kind of way, but I was at the point of doing whatever will keep me out of the nut house...well, the KIND of nut house that I don't pay a mortgage on. OK, so, the first visit with her went pretty well. She put me on Ambien to help me sleep and Topamax which started out as a seizure medication, but has a multitude of other uses, "Mood Stabilizer" being one of them, and I did great for about 3 weeks. Then the insomnia started back....I think it is just a part of me....I don't think there is a cure....BUT after many nights of NOT sleeping I got about 6 hours last night, and I am so thankful for it! I'm going to go for 2 nights in a row! Wish me luck!!!

To Dream the Impossible Dream...

....or in my case, to dream the ridiculously long dream that feels like a continuum from the day before like I haven't even slept the 3.5 hours that I did manage to sleep so I "wake up" just as tired as I did the day before. The last 4 nights have been just this. I'm ready for my icepick lobotomy please. I will perform it myself. I know how. I dreamed about that too. AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH

Hi Ho, Hi Ho....

back to work I go...LOL, I've been off for about 12 days now, and I have thoroughly enjoyed it. The kids went back to school today after being off for Spring Break. We didn't go anywhere special, but we got a lot done. My 39th birthday was Wednesday, so we went to Red Lobster. We wanted seafood, and other than Captain D's, that is the closest we can get around here. LOL It was actually pretty good. Kendra ordered pasta and pulled a ginormous piece of plastic out of her mouth. LOL, looked like a piece of plastic off of one of their straw covers. Anyhoo, they brought her another meal(no more pasta though) and didn't charge us for either one. LOL, so, we got a break on the bill. Yay for bill breaks. I should have realized that we may be in trouble when our server said as soon as we were seated, "Are y'all in a hurry or do you have to be anywhere at a certain time?" LMAO, I thought that was weird, but we got our food, and it was decent other than the inedible plastic. LOL

I took the kids shopping and got the Spring and Summer clothing taken care of. Yay! Zac has grown so much since last year! I only need to get Zac a pair of swimming trunks, so we can take advantage of the community pool. We are trying to bank as much money as we possibly can, and with my husband being gone so much it looks like summer vacation is out of the question. So, community pool it is!!! Zac will be fine with that. He has the neighborhood boys, plenty of dirt, and loads of woods to play in. Sounds like paradise to me!

So, I head back to work tomorrow, and I am looking forward to it. My mind starts to wander when it is idle for too long, and that makes me dangerous. LMAO

Just passing me by...

I thought I would make this post the day BEFORE my birthday. Birthday posts are SO predictable. You know, "Another year has come and gone and I'm another year older..." *insert more pissing and moaning here* So, as I contemplate from my favorite spot on the sofa I have several thoughts to share as I hear an ominous CRACK come from Zac's bedroom. First of all, Just what in the hell was that noise (I will be sure to ask in a few minutes), secondly, just WHEN did I get where I am today? I dig through the mountain of prescription bottles and wonder if I will begin to get "Thank You" cards from Walgreens or maybe they will come out with a line of "Sorry you will be dead soon" cards. LOL I am thankful to live in the age that I do, so that I have access to the treatment that I need, and I am also thankful that I have the money to be able to AFFORD the treatment that I need. Anyhoo, I am thankful to have people around me that make me laugh, tolerate it when I cry, and understand my bizarre sense of humor or as some see it lack there of. I use the term "around me" loosely because it encompasses all of my online friends as well who I have come to cherish more that I would have ever thought in a million years. My online buds have gotten me through many rough spots and for that I am thankful. I can only hope that I have done the same for some of them as well. I met my BFF online, and her Birthday is tomorrow as well. She will be leaving the hospital today, so I hope her birthday tomorrow is EXTRA special. I only wish I could be there to celebrate it with her! Damn the 3000 miles! Happy Birthday Tams! I love you!

The Vacation Planner...

I plan them down to the letter. Buy clothes. Pick hotels. Plan outings. Never go. End of story. Curiously enough, the planning part makes me happy and hopeful. Maybe one day I will actually go...