Giving Thanks....

Today is Wednesday. An ordinary Wednesday for most, but not for me or my family. Why you may ask? My husband has been gone for about 5 weeks after being home for 6 days 3 of which I spent in the hospital, and the other 3 I spent extremely ill and recovering from surgery. Before those 6 days home he had been gone for 6 weeks. All of this in preparation for his deployment to the Middle East.

Tomorrow is Thursday. Also an ordinary Thursday for most, except maybe for those freaky Harry Potter fans that are going to the midnight showing of the movie.(me included haha) There is one more thing that makes it an extraordinary day for me though. What makes it such is that I am picking my husband up from the airport! I am so excited to see him, yet the visit will be bittersweet.

Sorry for being cliche, but the term bittersweet just fits here. You see, this is the LAST time my husband will be home, before he leaves for the Middle East. I want the weekend to be perfect. Kendra is staying out of school tomorrow to make an 8 hour round trip to pick up his children. I will pick him up from the airport, so he can be here when Zac gets off the school bus. We want to make every second count. He is exhausted from all of the training, so while he is sleeping, I'm taking a group of teens tomorrow night to the Midnight showing of Harry Potter. Friday morning, he is taking his oldest son to get his driver's license. They are BOTH excited about that!

We are NOT having a "Going Away" party. Those tend to be too somber. What we ARE having is a double birthday party for Kendra and his oldest son. Kendra's actual birthday is Sunday she will be 17. His oldest son's birthday is Dec. 5th, and he will be 18. SOOO, we are having a bonfire, chili, roasting hotdogs and marshmallows over the fire. I have ordered a cake, but not a grown-up cake. I have ordered a cake that mirrors their 1st Birthday cakes. Kendra's was Elmo and Vyren's was Hotwheels, so we are having an Elmo and Hotwheels cake! I think it will be loads of fun, and it will be festive.


Sunday will be one of the hardest days of my life. I will be driving my husband back to the airport. I won't see him for a very long time. His orders say "up to 400 days," but we know at least a year, but hopefully he will be able to come home for 2 weeks on leave during that time. I am thankful for the time I have, and I will be counting the days.


So, Thanksgiving may actually be NEXT week, but everything I have to be thankful for will be happening for me THIS week. Zac and I will be spending ACTUAL Thanksgiving alone. I will probably put a roast in the crock pot with potatoes and carrots. He LOVES that. No worries though. Kendra will be at her dad's, but we all have LOADS to be thankful for...........

Turn, Turn, Turn.........

It seems as if the leaves have turned overnight. I swear yesterday the trees were still green, yet this morning I awoke to them being awash in color. Although it was raining today it was still beautiful and bright outside. What a wonderful world we live in. The trees painted bright red, orange, and yellow. Who could call a day like today gloomy? To me it was perfect. Renewing rain and trees painted by the creators own hand. I know that in a couple of months the trees will be barren. The technicolor leaves will be in a brown blanket on the lawn, but today......WOW!!!

I'm Melting Away....

Oh, my ever ending struggle over my weight. I know I am not alone in this fight. Most people don't remain one size and stay that way. It takes a bit of effort. Actually, it takes a LOT of effort. I've been working really hard on my eating habits, and I think I've finally gotten that part licked. I'm eating healthier foods, but if I want something "bad" I'll allow it occasionally. I think the trick is not feeling defeated when I do "cheat." I don't consider it cheating though. I consider it an incorporation. I'm not on a fad diet. I still eat what my family eats, and they are becoming healthier for it too which makes me smile. Kendra is making quite a transformation herself. Now if I could just get the exercise commitment down, I think I will have it made in the shade. I've got 2 "face shots" where you can tell the difference. I've dropped about 35 lbs since June. Yay me!


I've dropped a chin or two, and I am SOOOO thrilled about that!!!!

The Cold Side of the Bed.

As many of you already know I am plagued by chronic insomnia and last night was no exception. It seems to have gotten worse since my husband has been gone. Sometimes I get caught up in my own little life that I forget that their is an entire world that is spinning out of control around me.

In the lamplight filtering in through the blinds I could see the cold side of the bed. It mocks me. A constant reminder that it is an empty cold space. It is still made the way he left it the beige pillow on the bottom, the brown pillow in the middle, the decorator pillow in the top. Neat. Cold. Waiting.

I keep it that way like a shrine. Waiting for him to come home. I stay on my side of the bed, not out of reverence, but out of fear. Fear of not feeling the warmth of him there. Fear of rolling over and NOT touching the smooth face and feeling his lips graze my inner wrist with the softest of kisses. Fear of the Cold.

I know that many of my friends are going through similar things right now. Many much more worse than I am experiencing at this time. Divorce, Death, Single, Deployment like me. Just know that you are not alone in staring and experiencing the cold side of the bed.

An apology to my loyal readers....

I've been absent once again. This time I wasn't off wallowing in self pity although that does seem to be a favorite past time of mine that I am contemplating renewing. LOL. Hubby has come home for his 1st of 2 visits and during this visit I became really ill and ended up in the hospital for 3.5 days. I am now minus one gallbladder and several precious days with my husband that I will never get back, but at least he was home to care for our children. So now, it is just the physical mending that is taking place. Hopefully it will be a speedy recovery, so I can get back to work. I miss work and my work family. Hubby will be home again November 18th and will be flying out again November 21st.....It was so nice to see his face.

I must apologize yet again....

You don't know how many posts I have started and have not finished. I have become quite robotic in my day to day life. Work days are the same. I get up. Work. Come home. Take a bath. Talk to the kids about their days. Pray for it to get dark enough and late enough for me to go to bed, and when it does I do so. Off days have their own routine as well. Get the kids up for school from my bed. Go back to sleep. Wake up. Make coffee. Do what chores need doing. Wait for the kids to get home. Spend time with them, ask about their day, help with homework, go over the previous week's schoolwork. Take a bath. Pray for it to get dark enough and late enough for me to go to bed, and when it does I do so. I'm having good days and bad days. Today is a bad day. A really bad day for some reason, and I feel so guilty for feeling like I do. There are so many people that have it so much worse than I do, and I don't have the RIGHT to feel like I do.

With that being said, I WILL get over this hump. I will quit crying. I will quit bathing in self pity, self loathing, etc.... I WILL put on my big girl panties and get over it!

It's a Beautiful Day!!

Today is one of those days when you walk out the front door and you cannot help but sigh out loud. The sun is shining, there is a breeze blowing, and the temperature is perfect. Autumn is definitely in the air, and in spite of myself I just had to smile! I know I had an extra spring to my step.

Autumn is definitely my favorite season. Yes, it is the beginning of cooler weather, Winter, the season of things dying off. I don't see it as the beginning of the end though. I see it as the beginning of a NEW beginning. I love it! The smell of wood fires, dry leaves, and crisp clean air. I love the crunch of grass and leaves under my feet. I love wearing my wool socks, Birkenstocks, blue jeans, and a zip up hoodie and T-shirt. BRING IT ON!!!!