Rose Colored Glasses.....

Yeah, I just bought some. I am figuring they may improve my view on the world some, because it really needs it right new plus they are really cute. I will give you the link after my rant. ANYHOO, so today was my followup appointment with my Rheumatologist. It was a nightmare. That is just about all I can say. First of all, I had never met this woman. She had always sent her PA in to see me. Then she accuses me of refusing the medications they were offering me. #1-Plaquenil- I am deathly allergic to it. I had it back in 1986 and it gave me Steven Johnson's Syndrome which is an allergic reaction that runs amok. Basically, ALL of my skin blistered up and sloughed off like I had been burned. I was in the hospital for a month, and they fixed me with VERY high doses of steroids. #2-High Dose NSAIDS-I was taking these religiously, and I was having great relief from them, Until the reflux monster decided to light his welding torch in MY stomach and keep it there. Out of a month I was awakened at least 4-5 out of 7 nights with stomach acid boiling up in my nose, throat, and causing me to vomit. So, to the GI MD I go, and what is the first thing he does is take me off all of my NSAIDS, put me on a liquid diet, place me on a different antacid(Protonix), and wait for it, scheduled an EGD for the next week. #3-High Dose Steroids- I'll make this short and sweet for you. Diabetes + Steroids = SICK GERI, sick any diabetic for that matter if they are on them for any amount of time.

Soo, After that fun introduction, and telling her that I have never refused ANY treatment from her at all, I tried to turn the conversation around, by asking her about some alternative treatments I had read about on THE Sjogren's webside. I had them send me some pamphlets, because it contains the same information as what I had red and the PA  had asked if I could get her one. I tried to hand it to the doctor explaining that HER PA had asked for it. She said she did not need it. I told her that one of the alternatives was Methotrexate. She said, "It won't work, and it may kill you, but we can try it."Insert toothy grin here.

At this point my sister interjected and said,"So, we really have no need to come back to you at all, since you aren't interested in learning any new treatments." The doctor at this time said, no, "If you need pain medication I can refer you to a pain clinic. I said, "Ma'am, I did not come in here asking for pain meds." My sister Kelly asks the doctor if she is done, and she said she was so we got up and left.

I don't think I have ever been so humiliated and debased. At one point during this whole nightmare, I spoke up and said, "Ma'am" I've been working in the medical field since I was 18 years old, and I have been working in some level of critical care nurse since 1994. Kelly looked at the doctor and asked, "Do you need anything more from us? The Doctor said no..So we were out of there as quick as a shot.....I was under the MIS understanding that she was going to help me. Boy was I wrong.....

So, hopefully, in a few days I'll have a cute pair of rose colored glasses to look through next time if I run into another total asshole

Ring Around the Rosies a Pocket Full of Posies.....

I feel like my emotions are playing this horrible game that was was based on the black plague in England. I feel WONDERFUL and sad at the same time, because Kendra has started college. I miss her like nothing I can put into words. Her name sticks in my throat, and it will only come out in a gush of tears of pride and sadness.

My best friend in the world has stage IV Breast cancer, and she got some bad news. She is across the country and there is not a damn thing I can do for her except listen to her when she needs me. There is nothing more than I would like to do than just fly over there and just have the opportunity just to chill out with her. Laugh like we do on the phone and talk each others' ears off. Just be "normal" for a few days.

Then there is me. Sjogren's central. I go from doctor to doctor, and they all want to help. They are left wringing their hands a bit. I wrote to the Sjogren's Syndrome Foundation, and they sent me a big pack of pamphlets which I intend to hand out to all of my doctors. I gave my first one out today to my primary doctor, and she was very appreciative, because she readily admits that the disease is pretty foreign to her. I hope the other MD's are just as receptive. I feel like a rung out wash rag 95% of the time that has extremely painful bones, dry eyes, and a mouth like the Sahara Desert. I want HELP! I want REMISSION! I want to be able to walk in my yard without someone holding me up. I want to be able to take a fucking shower without needing to fucking hold on to something and wanting to take a nap after I am through! Is that too much to ask?

ashes to ashes we all fall down......