Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Just One Christmas...

I woke up early this morning with my husband. Too early in fact, but I have been having trouble sleeping. My doctor says to just get up when that happens, so I did, fixed myself a cup of coffee, sat down, and turned on the old lap top to check facebook. I check my notifications first I think probably most "facebook people" do that, LOL, and then I see a post by my best friend in the world Tamara A. that says, "I wish I could spend ONE Christmas with my sister Geri Lynn Addison, just once!" I went there and immediately typed the word "AMEN," but the more I thought about it I went back and typed, "I would be happy for any day of the year at this moment." You see Tamara and I have never met face to face. 

This is how it all got started....Once upon a time, LOL, nah, I will not take you there that way. When I first moved to LaGrange, Ga. I really had no friends. I had work friends, but no other friends, and I got into ebay big time buying things for the house. It was then that I noticed that ebay had a blog. I had NO idea what a blog was back then, and I was, still am, pretty computer illiterate. I clicked on the blog early one morning when I did not have to work, and I found a wonderful group of people chatting about their sales, what they were selling, their families, etc... It was if they really knew each other. I made a profile and jumped in feet first introducing myself. At that time, I had never sold a thing I was just a buyer, and they were primarily sellers.

About a month into the blogging, I had met a couple of women that I connected with, and we chatted on yahoo messenger about things other than blogging. Family, men, work, and other things. It was then that I get a messenger request from a name I did not recognize, so I asked who it was and she told me. Now, at this point, we had only had limited encounters on the blogs, she was a graphics designer, but I knew right away that we had the same sense of humor (scary I know) and we just clicked on every level. 

People talk about their spouse or the love of their life being their soul mate, but I believe a friend can be that person as well. The amount of things that she and I have in common is scary. I will keep those between us as they are personal, but the biggest obstacle to our friendship is logistics. See, she is in California and I am in Georgia. Though we talk daily either on the computer or telephone we have never seen each other face to face. We've never "done lunch" although we joke about it. I'll call her and say, "I'll be there in 10 min be ready to go to lunch." It has never happened.

We have been friends since 2006, and I honestly hope 2013 will be our year. One tidbit of info I will give out is that we do share a birthday, so maybe this will be our year to celebrate together. We've been planning it for years, I think it is time that we quit planning and start doing. We do both need stamps on our Passports.....

Monday, December 17, 2012

He Restores my Soul....

It has been a tough Holiday season for me. Heck, it has been tough for me since I have been out of work since March. I have improved greatly, but I am no where near my old self. I have trouble finding words sometimes...well, most of the time. I have permanent "it's on the tip of my tongue" feeling, but I rarely come up with the word, and when I do it is the wrong one. I have other symptoms, but I wont go into that right now. My doctors say I will not be able to work anymore, and that saddens me greatly. So, needless to say I'm having a tough time on many different levels, emotionally, physically, and financially.

Finances are a biggie during this time of year. Not just because of the Holidays, but because we have 4 children who have birthdays during this time of year as well. I know the kids understand that our income has been cut in half, but it makes a mother feel horrible to not be able to afford to buy her children birthday presents. Anyway, times have been tough this year.

I had managed to buy Zac three of the gifts on his Christmas list. He is 10 now so he no longer believes in Santa Claus. They were his top three, so I was so happy I could hold back enough. I know that the real reason for Christmas is Christ, but I challenge any of you dear readers to have an empty tree on Christmas day for your children and see how it would make you feel. Anyway, I am proud of those three gifts, but they hardly put me in the spirit of Christmas. This brings me to Zac.

Zachery, my youngest, we call him Zac for short. I think he is beautiful inside and out. He is a bundle of energy that would never knowingly hurt anyone's feelings. He has a plethora of questions swimming around in his brain, and there is no telling what will come out of his mouth or when. He is a true joy, miracle, and one of my two greatest gifts. In my holiday doldrums this year I had not put up a tree. Saturday, Zac asked if he could put up the tree. He said he wanted to do it all by himself, so he could surprise the rest of us with how beautiful it would be when he was done. How could I refuse that?

So, my oldest son (step) Vyren, got the tree and ornaments out of the basements for him, and Zac set to work keeping us all out of the TV room until he was finished. It took him about an hour, and he called us in to look at his masterpiece. He was so proud, and there it was in all it's glory, our Christmas tree. The ornaments were placed carefully, but there is no topper. I remembered it was broken last year. The ornaments that he made in school this year right at eye level. I smiled and told him it was beautiful, because it was. He had worked so hard on it and was so proud. Each night I unplug it before I go to bed, and each morning as soon as he gets up he plugs it in. As I saw its multicolored glow this morning I smiled. My son, like that tree, shines regardless of what is going on around him. He sees the good through the bad. He knows and embodies the true spirit of Christmas. His heart is pure, and even though he knows that the gifts are few he does not care. He says the point is we will be together, and he is right. Out of the mouths of babes....

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Happy Birthday Momma!

If you were here in your earthly form I would have called you by now and belted out in my loudest out of tune voice the song "Happy Birthday." As would have my sister Kelly and my sister Kim. Yes dear readers, I have a sister Kim, although she would not mention me as readily. Her husband will not let her have anything to do with me, because I am married to a black man. With that little tidbit being explained I will get back to the subject at hand. I do, as do my sisters have nice singing voices, but who in the hell can sing "Happy Birthday" in tune? You would be 69 years old today, but I know you would not look it. We have good genes in that department, and you especially. You liked your make up and curling iron. You were beautiful inside and out with a smile that would light up any room. I will not make you out to be perfect and angelic, because you were not. None of us are, but you did the best you knew how to do, and I miss you like crazy. I miss you admonishing me for not wearing lipstick, and when I had one, "hiding my cute figure with baggy t-shirts." I miss your blue and white "Saturday shirt" even though I hated it. Most of all I miss your sense of humor, and I miss just talking to you. You have some great grand-kids, but I know you can see them. I love you and miss you. Happy Birthday Momma!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Apparently, I'm Defying Sleep As Well...

or it is Defying me. Something like that anyway. It is 0430 in the morning here in the not so sunny south at the moment. I have been up for about an hour having been plagued by a series of nightmares up until that point, and then rousted out of bed by an overly full bladder. I didn't drink more than usual last night, and I did my pre-bed piddle so to speak, so I should have been good to go. Nay, sayeth the Sand Man. No more sleep for you tonight. So after I had wallowed my hair fuzzy, I just got up. So here I sit under a blanket with monkey motif, computer in my lap, and a fat ass cat on my feet. At least one of us is happy, and I can tell you which one it isn't.....ME!

I am not sure about the resurgence of insomnia. Nothing in our situation has changed. I still cannot work, we still have food to eat, and I still cannot complete a full sentence without forgetting at least one thing I was wanting to say. All things considered we are status quo except Christmas is coming up, but I am not really worried about that. The baby (Zac) will have a good Christmas. The rest of the children are grown and will just have to understand our situation at this time. Having your income cut in half with the same bills is not an easy undertaking, and so far we have been very blessed. I have no complaints in that department. We have not gone hungry, and neither have our children. We have gone without some creature comforts, but we have also learned a very good lesson in the process WE CAN DO WITHOUT IT!

With all of that being said, I still say nothing has given me a reason not to sleep. I did not take a nap yesterday although I could have, and actually, I was more active than usual having made quite a bit of soap. Not that I was squatting over a boiling cauldron all day. Bwahahaha, get a mental picture of THAT!! Still, these days my activities are pretty limited by my physical abilities and stamina which can be next to nothing some days. Yesterday was a good day Thanking the Creator with all of my Being......Maybe tonight will be better although I feel that a nap will be on the books for today......

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Technicolor Rain Dance....

I was thinking of this post yesterday, but my internet has been in and out. So, needless to say, I did not get a chance to write it, so I will write it today.

The weather here in Georgia has been very strange over the past week. It will get semi-cool at night, but during the day it warms to a sixty degree tepid soup that is neither cool and refreshing or warm and comforting. There has been no sun to speak of just a veil of grey that covers everything like a layer of moss on a fallen oak: soggy, unsightly, and with enough creepiness to make you walk faster through the woods. I had gotten to the point where I was praying for rain, snow, sun, sleet, anything other than what it had been. I was checking the weather report daily. No changes. Yesterday, I was sitting here looking out into the back yard, and I see the last of the painted leaves swirling down from the tree in a beautiful dance. I thought to myself that even the leaves are doing a rain dance, and the wind just kept up it's pace and kept the leaves swirling and falling in an almost hypnotic rhythm. I found my eyes transfixed upon the beauty and color in the otherwise grey landscape. My computer forgotten, the television a muffled background to the scene unfolding, and with a clap of thunder the beautiful leaves ceased to dance, bowed, and gave homage to the downpour of rain that was now falling from the sky! I mentally bowed with them, and thanked the Creator for his blessings and giving us what we need when we need it...

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Crochet I say!!!

This is from my Sjogren's Syndrome blog. I thought I would share it. If you don't know what Sjogren's Syndrome is I encourage you to Google the hell out of it. It is a misunderstood auto-immune disorder that attacks moisture producing organs, which is pretty much all organ systems, and I have it. I hope you enjoy the blog post.......

Yeah, I said it! What are you going to do about it? LOL. Crochet! I'm going to learn to crochet in spite of the pain in my hands. I think that if I use my fingers more and in a different way that maybe it will help to strengthen them and get rid of some of this pain. I want to improve my mobility as well, and this should do it. Only one problem with this idea, I don't know how to crochet. LOL, SOOOOOO, I have enrolled in crochet classes at the craft store Michael's where I live. I have roped my sister into doing them with me, but she is a great sport and is always up for a new adventure. Can you call Crocheting an adventure? I think you can if your fingers do not work very well, and are in constant pain.

Today is our first class, and we can make a "mobile phone cover" or a "skinny scarf." I think I will make the skinny scarf, because if I can make a skinny scarf I can certainly make a fat scarf. Maybe I can knock out a couple of Christmas gifts. LOL Look at me being all optimistic and stuff! I'm just glad that crocheting does not involve toes. I do not know if I could attempt it then. Oh, who am I kidding, I would at least give it a try. Wish me luck!!!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

A Random Musing....

It is very peaceful as I sit here with my kitties. I am quite sure that if I leaned back in the recliner, I could clear my mind enough to go to sleep. I'm not ready for sleep yet though I am tired enough for it, but unfortunately it consumes enough of my time as it is. Due to my health conditions I have lost enough of my life to sleep since March, but it looks as if I may see a tiny ray of light at the end of the tunnel. The cortisol replacement medication should give me some relief from this ungodly fatigue that has made me the anti-life of the party. LOL I will be getting injections into my sacro-iliac joints to alleviate some of the lower extremity pain. I start those injections on Monday, and I must admit I am a little nervous about it. Maybe I need to be a little more realistic about the relief I will get, but who knows maybe they will work wonders for me. The medication change has worked for the numbness and tingling in my face, hands, and feet. I still get it, but it isn't nearly as bad as it was. So, I'll take any victory no matter how small, because after all, it is still a victory.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Lightbulb Moment........

So, I saw an endocrinologist 2 weeks ago for the tumor on my Pituitary gland, and he drew a TON of blood. He is a very nice doctor, about my age, and he took a lot of time talking to me, and my sister Kelly about what has been going on with me over the past few months. Yesterday, I had my follow-up to go over my lab work. He was going over my lab with me, and he asks me the question, "Have you ever had to take a HUGE amount of steroids for anything?" I said, "Yes I have. When I was 17yo I was diagnosed with Discoid Lupus and was given Plaquenil which gave me Steven Johnson's Syndrome which nearly killed me, and I was put in the hospital for about a month. I was put on super high doses of steroids at that time." He then nodded his head and told me that that explained my lab work completely. He then went on to say that those super high doses of steroids had basically destroyed my pituitary gland and it's ability to produce the supplemental hormones that my body needs like cortisol and my thyroid hormones. He told me that I have to take one more test next week to confirm it, but he wrote the replacement medication for me already. Cortisol basically controls your energy level. He says that is one reason that I feel the uncontrollable need to sleep all of the time, and why we cannot get my thyroid levels regulated. It is hard to look at that bottle of medication in the cabinet knowing that it could give me ENERGY, but I have to wait until next week. So wait I will. After all, I've been waiting for 23yrs......

Monday, October 1, 2012

Rainy Days and Mondays....

This rainy day IS a Monday. Wow, what a downer. I am definitely not defying gravity today. I had a doctor's appointment early this morning, so I had to get out in this slop. Thank goodness I had company in the form of my sister Kelly. We were both less  than enthusiastic to get out in the nasty weather, but we both had MD appointments. After that we had a couple of small errands to run, but it seemed like all either of us could do was yawn.

It is dark and gloomy outside, and the rain is getting harder. Zac just got home, and Louis is laying on my feet. I think I'll give in and take a small nap.......

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Autumn is in the Air......

or maybe I have just deluded myself into thinking it is. The evenings, nights, and mornings have been wonderfully cool, and the days have only been getting up into the upper 70's. I do not think it will stay that way for long, but I am enjoying it while it is. We had absolutely NO Winter last year, so I hope we have a good one this year. I love the changing of the seasons, and Autumn is my favorite. The colors and the smells are positively intoxicating, and it brings out my inner witch. It makes me more in tune with nature, the earth, and myself.

So, I'm ready for the leaves to change. I'm ready to fire up the fire pit and roast marshmallows and make s'mores. I'm ready for my jeans, hoodies, wool socks and birkenstocks. I AM READY!!

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Sometimes it Takes an Email

I try not to write about RELATIONSHIP issues here on my blog, but this time I decided to. I really thought that it may help someone else, so I decided to break my personal rule and speak out this time.

So, for several months, years really, off and on, I have felt really neglected at home. I am not alone, but I have been lonely. My husband is in the Army, and is preoccupied with his job. I can understand that somewhat, but I would like for him to show his family a bit of attention when he gets home which he did not. We have had great times, good times, and times when I was ready to end it, because I felt like such a non-person in my own home.Since I have been ill he does things to help me, which makes me know that he loves me. I would try to tell him about my illness, and he would blow me off or ignore me. Just like week he read through a pamphlet about my illness, and I believe it gave him a greater understanding about what I have been going through. I did feel a little triumphant about that.

So, feeling lonely this past week with everyone gone, never doing anything for myself anymore, and just wanting to do something for myself and to help something else that may feel a little bit like me I adopted an adult cat. I have seen this cat in the cages in Petsmart for MONTHS, and I thought that with Hurricane Isaac coming through the shelters would be inundated with strays. I knew it would make my husband angry, and it really did.

To make a long story he told me I had to get rid of the cat. I told him I was not, and that I had equal say so in this household. I got the silent treatment for about 18hrs, some door slamming, but eventually we started talking.

The cat, was totally NOT the issue. It was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Since my husband has trouble with verbal communication, I decided to send him an email. I knew he would read it. He is constantly checking his email, so I wrote down all of my feelings out in an email. I will keep the details to myself, but if emails will save my marriage, spice it up, and bring back the intimacy I will type my fingers off.

The change in his behavior has been apparent so far. He told me last night that he did not realize that I felt the way I did, and he understood about the cat. He was even joking about him this morning. We had a great talk last night. He told me he loved me, and I could see in his face that he meant it. I will continue to send emails.......

I'm glad I sent that Email.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Rose Colored Glasses.....

Yeah, I just bought some. I am figuring they may improve my view on the world some, because it really needs it right new plus they are really cute. I will give you the link after my rant. ANYHOO, so today was my followup appointment with my Rheumatologist. It was a nightmare. That is just about all I can say. First of all, I had never met this woman. She had always sent her PA in to see me. Then she accuses me of refusing the medications they were offering me. #1-Plaquenil- I am deathly allergic to it. I had it back in 1986 and it gave me Steven Johnson's Syndrome which is an allergic reaction that runs amok. Basically, ALL of my skin blistered up and sloughed off like I had been burned. I was in the hospital for a month, and they fixed me with VERY high doses of steroids. #2-High Dose NSAIDS-I was taking these religiously, and I was having great relief from them, Until the reflux monster decided to light his welding torch in MY stomach and keep it there. Out of a month I was awakened at least 4-5 out of 7 nights with stomach acid boiling up in my nose, throat, and causing me to vomit. So, to the GI MD I go, and what is the first thing he does is take me off all of my NSAIDS, put me on a liquid diet, place me on a different antacid(Protonix), and wait for it, scheduled an EGD for the next week. #3-High Dose Steroids- I'll make this short and sweet for you. Diabetes + Steroids = SICK GERI, sick any diabetic for that matter if they are on them for any amount of time.

Soo, After that fun introduction, and telling her that I have never refused ANY treatment from her at all, I tried to turn the conversation around, by asking her about some alternative treatments I had read about on THE Sjogren's webside. I had them send me some pamphlets, because it contains the same information as what I had red and the PA  had asked if I could get her one. I tried to hand it to the doctor explaining that HER PA had asked for it. She said she did not need it. I told her that one of the alternatives was Methotrexate. She said, "It won't work, and it may kill you, but we can try it."Insert toothy grin here.

At this point my sister interjected and said,"So, we really have no need to come back to you at all, since you aren't interested in learning any new treatments." The doctor at this time said, no, "If you need pain medication I can refer you to a pain clinic. I said, "Ma'am, I did not come in here asking for pain meds." My sister Kelly asks the doctor if she is done, and she said she was so we got up and left.

I don't think I have ever been so humiliated and debased. At one point during this whole nightmare, I spoke up and said, "Ma'am" I've been working in the medical field since I was 18 years old, and I have been working in some level of critical care nurse since 1994. Kelly looked at the doctor and asked, "Do you need anything more from us? The Doctor said no..So we were out of there as quick as a shot.....I was under the MIS understanding that she was going to help me. Boy was I wrong.....

So, hopefully, in a few days I'll have a cute pair of rose colored glasses to look through next time if I run into another total asshole

Monday, August 13, 2012

Ring Around the Rosies a Pocket Full of Posies.....

I feel like my emotions are playing this horrible game that was was based on the black plague in England. I feel WONDERFUL and sad at the same time, because Kendra has started college. I miss her like nothing I can put into words. Her name sticks in my throat, and it will only come out in a gush of tears of pride and sadness.

My best friend in the world has stage IV Breast cancer, and she got some bad news. She is across the country and there is not a damn thing I can do for her except listen to her when she needs me. There is nothing more than I would like to do than just fly over there and just have the opportunity just to chill out with her. Laugh like we do on the phone and talk each others' ears off. Just be "normal" for a few days.

Then there is me. Sjogren's central. I go from doctor to doctor, and they all want to help. They are left wringing their hands a bit. I wrote to the Sjogren's Syndrome Foundation, and they sent me a big pack of pamphlets which I intend to hand out to all of my doctors. I gave my first one out today to my primary doctor, and she was very appreciative, because she readily admits that the disease is pretty foreign to her. I hope the other MD's are just as receptive. I feel like a rung out wash rag 95% of the time that has extremely painful bones, dry eyes, and a mouth like the Sahara Desert. I want HELP! I want REMISSION! I want to be able to walk in my yard without someone holding me up. I want to be able to take a fucking shower without needing to fucking hold on to something and wanting to take a nap after I am through! Is that too much to ask?

ashes to ashes we all fall down......

Thursday, July 26, 2012

It's Been A While

I know I haven't written in a while, but I have been busy with doctors appointments, school, and sleeping. I know sleeping isn't considered an activity. It is more of an inactivity, but it is a necessary evil sometimes. Fatigue is a part of this demon I am fighting, and actually it is one of the worst parts. The other worst part is the brain fogginess and memory loss. All of the other symptoms they have a treatment for, but the ones I find the most bothersome and frustrating I have to just deal with.

So yesterday I visited the eye doctor to have my yearly exam. I felt like I would need bifocals, but I was not expecting the results that I actually got. My vision has deteriorated to the point that WITH my glasses my left eye was 20/80 and my right eye was 20/100. I also have little to no peripheral vision, and of course I need bifocals. So, the doctor said that she wants to get an official referral from my primary doctor to conduct additional testing. So, I go to the eye doctor tomorrow to have that done, and depending on the results I may have to visit my neurologist ASAP instead of my appointment which is the first week in August.

So, Zac starts school on Monday, and we have Kendra's orientation at UGA the 1st and 2nd of August. She moves into her dorm the 8th of August, and she starts classes on the 13th of August. GO DAWGS!


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Swallowing the Snake...

Well, I went to the Gastroenterologist today because of the horrible reflux I have been having. I guess the big jolt of Sjogren's has put it into overdrive, and I have it no matter what time of day, but it is especially bad at night. It gets so bad at night that at least 3-5 times a week I end up vomiting. I know, you really wanted to hear that right.

Anyhoo, they have scheduled me for an Upper GI Endoscopy on July 30th.  I wish I would pass one of these tests!!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Today was Weird...

I got up at a decent hour, around 0930 I suppose, did my little morning routine of feeding the cat, giving her fresh water, taking my morning meds, etc...My head felt a little fuzzy, so I fixed a cup of coffee and a glass ice water to go with it hoping that would clear the cobwebs, and I sat down at my computer to work on my class assignments for the week.

I sipped my coffee and drank my water and looked over  my work for the week. I read a paragraph then I read it again and again. I found that I could not stay on task, and the words were running together. I understand that this is all a part of my disease process, I am ready for a remission. I did finally get the reading work done and the first two assignments done, but I am sure they are not up to par like my work usually is. I won't look at them today. I'm afraid to see how asstastic they may be. LOL

I have an appointment with another specialist tomorrow. It is a Gastroenterologist. Yay me. All part of the Sjogren's.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Sjogren's Syndrome

This is my Life....Welcome to my World!!!

Sjogren's body symptoms
Symptoms vary from person to person but may include:
  • a dry, gritty or burning sensation in the eyes
  • dry mouth
  • difficulty talking, chewing or swallowing
  • a sore or cracked tongue
  • dry or burning throat
  • dry or peeling lips
  • a change in taste or smell
  • increased dental decay
  • joint pain
  • vaginal and skin dryness
  • digestive problems
  • dry nose
  • fatigue

I Went to Hell Today

otherwise known as Wal-Mart. I am trying to do more. Kendra, her boyfriend Isaiah, my other daughter Deysha, all went with me. I had to get school supplies for Zac, and I wanted to do it ASAP, because his first day of 5th Grade is July 30th, 2012. 

I seriously hate Wal-Mart, and my illness makes me hate it more. I get fatigued very easily, and my mind runs off track which is why I had to leave Zac at home. I do not deal with distractions very well, so I depended on my cohorts to keep me on track.

So, list in hand and my sweet family by my side I got it done. When I got home I was too exhausted to put it up, so I took a cool shower and sat down for a bit. Hopefully my second wind will set in.

I'm going to do a blog about Sjogren's Syndrome in a bit, so you will know what I am talking about. :)

Thursday, July 5, 2012


I saw the new Rheumatologist today. She did a very comprehensive exam including a history and physical, imagine that? With the labwork, symptoms, and xrays that she had she diagnosed me with Sjogren's syndrome which is what everyone was suspecting. Unfortunately, the one drug they use to treat it mainly Placquenil, I am deathly allergic to . Yay me. At least I have a name for it finally. They drew more blood, and I have to go back in two weeks. I also have to see the GI  doc next week. For now, we treat the symptoms, so I'm in for another Neuro visit as well.

One answer down. A million more questions. Thankful for the one though.

Ready or Not...

I go to the new Rheumatologist today. Here's to hoping this one isn't bat shit crazy like the first one, and hopefully they are not related. LOL The way my luck has been going it will be her sister or husband or some crazy shit like that. I'm going in with high hopes that someone will figure out what the hell is wrong with me finally.

Anyway, I gave up and traded my jeep in for a less expensive car. Making ends meet without me working was becoming damn near impossible, and buying gas plus the payment on the jeep was not helping. So, I traded it in and got a 2012 Nissan Versa. It is very cute and roomy and works out just fine, especially since I do not drive too much.

That's what is going on in my life today. Wish me luck!

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Yesterday was a Wonderful Day!!!

Kendra had to take a pre-registration test on the campus of UGA, and she asked me to go with her, because she had never been. Well, the drive up was very pretty. Lots of trees, pastures, horses, big homes, etc...Kendra said, "This town is in the middle of nowhere." LOL, I told her that most big colleges are, but she said she didn't want to be out in the middle of nowhere. We kept driving, and all of a sudden there we were, in Athens. BULLDAWG COUNTRY!!! The campus takes up most of the city, and the whole town lives and breathes the Georgia Bulldogs!

The city itself is amazing! There are brightly colored painted bulldogs on every corner and all kinds of quaint little gift shops. The Campus WOW! It's HUGE! We found Kendra's dorm, and we drove all over campus, so she could familiarize herself with it. We go to official orientation the 1st and 2nd of August, and I am so excited for Kendra.

After we left there I received a call from my husband telling me to go look for a new car. We had been talking about it for a while, because my Jeep guzzles gas and the payments are really high. With me not working it is crunch time. So, I went and found a Georgia Bulldog Red Nissan Versa, and I'm really happy with it. However, I'm paying for all of today physically. We didn't even walk that much, just into the one  building. MD appointments for the next two weeks. I need them to get me figured out! NOW!! I don't want to live like this.

Monday, June 18, 2012


Well, I'll start a bit with yesterday. Yesterday, did not start off well. My head was fuzzy, I could not gather my thoughts, my leg joints from my hips down were killing me, my finger joints including my hands were hurting as well, and I had a 7 page paper due today for school.

So, I worked on my paper all day, but it was like trudging through a swamp both physically and mentally. Right in the middle of the paper, I hit the wrong button apparently, because it erased my entire paper. I had to start over completely. I managed to get it done and turned in, but I was physically and emotionally exhausted.....and that brings me to today.

Today, I didn't really do too much. I slept in even though I was in bed last night by 9:30. I think my my brain is pudding, and if is I hope it is chocolate...I love chocolate........

Saturday, June 16, 2012

I am Most Definitely Down the Rabbit Hole....

So, Kendra and I go to the Rheumatologist, and what a NIGHTMARE that was! The doctor fed me a line of crap, because she had not even gone over my labs or xrays, and I called her on it. She then told me to make my own appointment at Emory for a biopsy. You don't just walk in to Emory, and say, "Hey, I need a biopsy." It was then that I ended the appointment and asked for my records, and they told me that the "records girl" only copied records on Thursday and they charged 97 cents a copy!!! It just kept getting worse. I finally just walked out nearly in tears with only more questions, so I called my primary doctor on the way home and made an appointment with her. I see her on Thursday, so she can hopefully find me a new doctor. I'm nearly at my wits end!!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Weebles Wobble....

and sometimes we do fall down. Just not yesterday. I came close though. Kendra and I traded phones  yesterday. I didn't even have music on my iPhone, so what was the point? She had an 4G LG Spectrum that was not compatible to her iTunes, so she couldn't get any music on her phone! So we had the bright idea to go to Verizon and trade phones. My iPhone would not back up my contacts on "the cloud" for some reason, so the nice little guy at Verizon had to come up with a plan.SOOOO, since the iPhone isn't compatible with ANYTHING and MOST DEFINITELY NOT the DROID we were trying to trade it with, he had to put our contacts on some other little thingies then transfer them to this other thingy THEN clear out our phones THEN transfer the numbers THEN well, we were at Verizon Too Long for me and my wobbly legs. I was literally using the counter for support. He kept apologizing, but it really wasn't his fault. I think it must be Verizon law that any transaction must take at least 30 minutes, BUT we didn't have to sign in on a stupid computer. He greeted us at the door. What a nice change!

So, "new" phones in hand we left Verizon with me holding on to everything for support. I know people think I am a drunk or something. Most of the time I wish I HAD that excuse. LOL it would be easier just to say, "Oh, don't mind me, I'm just drunk." LOL but then again, I digress. Kendra and I were hungry, actually, I was more thirsty than hungry, but whatever, and I had to pick up Lily Food and fish food. So, we ate(actually I drank unsweetened iced tea more than ate) at Chili's, and got our second wind for PetSmart.

I love PetSmart, and on a normal day could spend hours in there, but yesterday I wasn't feeling it. I grabbed a buggy anyway, more for support than for bugginess, and off I went to the cat aisles. I got Lily food, and then I headed back to the fish aisle to get fish food. That is all I bought. CRAZINESS I know!! No cat toys or new fish. We were just ready to get home by this time!!

So, I have a Rheumatologist appointment today. Hopefully after all of the Xrays and bloodwork, they will have an answer for me. Something has got to give. I'll keep you posted. After all, you come here by your choice, so if you don't care you wouldn't be back. PEACE

Thursday, May 31, 2012

The Goodbye Girl...

I deleted my other blog, Guppy Gal. I just couldn't keep up with two blogs. I have too much going on in my life right now, so I have gone back to my original one. It's funny, the name of this blog, because, some days I am trying to defy gravity. My balance is a little screwy, so trying to remain upright and off of the floor or ground is a challenge.

Anyhoo, I will say Goodbye to Guppy Gal. I will include any weird and wild fish stories here.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

I Drove Today

My husband had to go out of town first thing this morning, and he will be gone for several days. Coincidently, my sister had to go out of town for her son's wedding. Well, Zac became ill with his asthma, and he HAD to go to the doctor. I had no other choice but to drive. All in all it went really well. I still have some blurry vision in my right eye, but nothing too bad. Zac said, "Mom, I think you drive better." BWAHAHAHA I'm not quite sure what that really means, but I'll take what I can get.

Sunday, April 29, 2012


I've been trying to get my strength back which isn't working so well. My speech has improved which I am truly thankful for. Anyone that knows me KNOWS that I am a talker, and that I love to come back with a quick quip. With that being said, it is better, but not 100%. At this point, every step is a GIANT step for me.

I haven't been leaving the confines of my home and yard except to go to MD appointments. My stuttering speech,imbalance, and dizziness has made it very difficult for me to do so. After my MRI on Wednesday my sister Kelly took me to Ross to pick out something to wear to Kendra's Graduation, and that nearly wore me out. At least I found an outfit that I was happy with.

Yesterday, my husband wanted to go to Lowes to pick up a faucet for the new vanity in the master bath, because he couldn't remember which one I wanted. So, we went and did that with no problem. Then he wanted to go pick out new fish for the big tank. We went to Petsmart and looked at all of the fish and picked out a few new ones for the tank and a few ones for the pond. On the way home we passed a HUGE multi-family yard sale so we stopped, and we picked up a few things. I promptly came home and listed them on ebay. Needless to say. I was wiped out! I don't know when I will ever "get right," but I'm gonna keep on keeping on....

Thursday, April 26, 2012

It Drives Me Crazy....

OK, so I go to college online, and let me tell ya, there are quite a few idiots on there. What I wouldn't GIVE to see their grades. I work hard on the assignments and put a lot of thought into them. I have straight "A's" which is nice, but I tell you some of those people in there drive me crazy. In my last two classes, there have been at least 2 people who had a racial chip on their shoulder. "Travon this and Travon that" I'm sick of hearing about it! None of them are even educated about the current events! They just go by what their "friends" say, and they end up sounding like idiots. So, I've had enough, and I had to call them out and give them the proper information. Hopefully, they will appreciate it. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Whoa, I've Been a Slacker...

What else is new right? Ha, Actually, this week has been pretty busy for me. I have started another class in school, and due to my constant "brain fog" I have to think a little harder about things, but I have managed to get all of my work for the week done except for my responses to other student's postings. Which, by the way, there are none as of yet, and they are due tomorrow. I guess my "brain fog" isn't too much of a handicap, although it feels like a HUGE handicap to me.

I spent all day yesterday battling a horrendous headache. At one point I just went through my medicine cabinet and took out stuff that I had not tried yet. Finally, after a combination of Ultram, Zofran, and cough syrup with codeine and a nap it was gone....but not for long. I was up at 1am with my new friend headache knocking around in my head like a penny in a coffee can, and once again it brought it's 2 best friends Nausea and Vomiting. The rest of my night was spent with horrible nightmares, at least I THINK they were nightmares. The one that stands out the most was of me in the bed just like I was and a little blonde boy with a cowlick in the front shaking my arm until I woke up. When I looked at him, he looked at me and told me that he couldn't breathe. Even though I knew it wasn't Zac I called out to Zac with no answer, and when I looked back the little boy was gone. I asked Zac when he woke this morning if he had to wake me up during the night, and he said no he didn't wake me up, and my husband verified it. It was really freaky, because the child looked so real.

I got up with Zac and saw him on the bus and finished my school work for this week. Then I got ready and went and had my MRI. I guess I will get the results when I go to my next MD visit on May 2nd. I'm ready for some answers, and I'm ready to feel my normally abnormal self!!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Life's Little Lessons

I'm sitting here on Saturday night watching TV by myself. No one else is up, and I hear it begin to rain. I had a discussion with myself earlier about whether or not it was going to rain. I felt like it was going to as I was watering my tomato plants. LOL I was under the ever so watchful eye of my husband while he was cutting the grass, and we had a short discussion about giving the garden a bit of water since it had not rained in a couple of days, and we had not watered since it had rained. All of my instincts told me that it was going to rain, yet I dragged that hose out anyway. Plus I rationalized it by telling myself that if I didn't do it that he would do it anyway, which he would have. I've been feeling pretty useless around the house as far as the outside work. My balance is off, so I have to be very careful not to fall, so I felt good about watering.....

Until I heard the rain.....I should have listened to my little voice and just sat outside and enjoyed being outside. I should have fed the fish (which I did anyway after I watered the garden) and watched them roll the water. I should have just enjoyed BEING, and I should understand that I don't have to be DOING to be useful. I still have my original thoughts and feelings. I can still love, laugh, smell, taste, and enjoy the simple things.....I also realized that when I have discussions with myself I don't stutter. LOL


Tonight is Kendra's Senior Prom. It is actually Junior/Senior Prom, but she didn't go last year, because she wanted it to be special. I thought that was a good idea, because it just wouldn't be as special for her. She isn't going with a boyfriend or someone she has been dating. She is going with a good friend, and that is perfectly fine with me. I don't think it will be any less special. She says she will be able to have more fun that way, and be able to "be herself." The theme of the Prom is "An Evening in Paris," so we looked for the perfect dress and found it a few months ago.

Due to my current medical problems I am unable to be there. When we moved we made the decision to allow her to finish the last few months at the high school she had been going to for her entire high school career so to speak, so she is nearly 2 hours away. I am unable to drive, and my husband has Military Drill all weekend. So, here I sit missing my daughter's one and only Prom. She has been calling me and texting me pictures of her hair, the beautiful pins she is putting in her hair, and silly pics of her and her bestie just getting ready. Her bestie Kaitlyn's mom can't be there either, because her father passed away, so they are both motherless this weekend.

Kendra has assured me that they have a strict schedule, and her date's mother has arranged for professional pictures which makes me VERY happy!! The girls are having a ball doing each other's hair. They went yesterday and had manicures, pedicures, and their eyebrows waxed. So, they are having a good time. Pictures at 4pm, Dinner at 5:30pm, and so on...I hope MY Princess has the night of a princess!! I love you more than life Kendra! Have a Ball at the BALL!!!

Friday, April 20, 2012

I Just Realized...

I have the ugliest multi-colored pastel castle in my fish tank. It does not have an opening for the fish to swim through. It just sits there and looks ugly. It doesn't match a damn thing in the aquarium or in the room for that matter. It came with the tank, so I left it in there, but I think I'm going to take it out tomorrow. The fish even shun it, and I don't blame them a bit. Something to do tomorrow. Hmmm. Productivity....LOL

Thursday, April 19, 2012


I feel as if the world would be better off if I HAD died on that roadside. I don't want to be a physical or financial burden to anyone. I'm doing the best I can. This is not fun for me. I can't drive. I can't leave the house without a babysitter, because I may fall. I talk like fucking Daffy Duck. Yeah, I'm having a fucking BLAST, and I'm going to actively recruit people to the retard side! It's fun being talked down to and treated like an idiot. I'm beginning to like it. Maybe I'll actually BECOME one. Then I WON'T FUCKING CARE.....

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

OK God, I'm Humbled!! You Can Fix Me Now!!

So, after three weeks of stuttering I'm ready to stop. I just called the rheumatologist to make an appointment and once again was treated like a retard. The receptionist cut me off, and basically treated me like an idiot not giving me any time to explain my situation. It is so frustrating. I get it. I understand. I needed a big fat serving of humble pie, and I have eaten it. It tastes really bad too. I have an appointment. I'm tired of doctors, appointments, medications that are not working, and weird ass tests that are inconclusive at best. I haven't been able to drive, work, or even walk out in my yard without anyone being home since the "Complex Migraine." I am a prisoner in my own home. I GET IT!!! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!! HOW MUCH MORE DO I HAVE TO TAKE???

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

The Little Things Make Me Happy.

After all that has gone on over the past few weeks I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I could not have asked for better support from my family. They have tried to include me in everything. My husband even went and bought a chair for me that we can throw into the back of the vehicles if I want to go somewhere that I may be subjected to standing for too long. I am trying to do more, but my balance is CRAZY! I still feel a bit dizzy, and my legs feel like they are not mine, so sometimes I have to concentrate on walking. Everyday my husband walks out to check on the garden. It isn't as if it is out in the back forty or anything. We live on 1.2 acres, so it is basically in our backyard, but it is a little ways from the house. Anyway, last night, he asked if I wanted to go look at the garden, and of course I did. I love the fact that we are growing food to feed our family. If it was up to me we would have a farm with cows, chickens, etc... and be totally self sufficient.

So, my sweet husband makes sure I have on the proper shoes, LOL, meaning NO FLIP-FLOPS. These days that particular style of footwear on uneven ground seams to be a "hey she has on flip-flops lets make her fall" card. It never fails me + flip-flops + uneven ground + gravity = Geri's ass on the ground. One time I ended up IN the fish pond. Anyhoo, with my little sneakers on, and hand and hand with my hubby for extra stability we walk out to the garden.

My tomato plants are growing like nobody's business! I was looking at them closely and low and behold I have little tomatoes on all of the plants! Looking at the squash I have tiny little squash. The same with the peppers. Our collard greens are beautiful. Watermelons and Cantaloupes are thriving, and I am so excited!! Even our cucumbers that were looking a little rough, and we thought they were not going to survive have blooms on them. We still want to get some more cucumbers in the ground, and I want some sweet banana peppers too. I know we have to hurry though. I want to make sweet pickles like my granny used to make, and I want to make pickled peppers. I love them on sandwiches and salads.

It is amazing to me what mother earth brings forth, and you don't have to have a lot of space to grow your own fresh veggies and fruits. (I forgot to mention the strawberries and fig trees that are thriving like crazy) When you grow your own YOU control what you put on them, not some super farm that puts genetically altered fertilizer and pesticides that can be harmful. The birds take care of our pests. I see them out there everyday eating the bugs, and they are getting fat from them. It is the cycle of life. Of course, the birds will take an occasional minnow from my fish pond as well, but I don't begrudge them that at all. Quid Pro Quo so to speak.

When I get better, I want to get a couple of hens to provide us with eggs. No, you don't need a rooster to have eggs, you just have to have a rooster to provide you with fertile eggs. I'm ready to get better, because I want my hens, so I can be a chicken momma!

Go Fresh or Go Home! LOL

Monday, April 16, 2012

Just as an aside...

Last night I was sitting here bored and feeling sorry for myself. Since causing myself major bodily harm is out of the question for many reasons: 1)I have children that I love than I love my life. 2) I love my husband. 3) I love myself too much. 4) I am the biggest chicken shit in the world, I had an epiphany. I have really missed having my nose pierced. When I moved here and started having interviews, I took it out.I was constantly taking it in and out in and out, and eventually, I just left it out. I thought it would stay open, because it had been pierced for so long... HOW WRONG I WAS!! The damned thing grew up. I was so fond of it.

SO, as I was saying, I was bored, and started digging through drawers, and I found a large sterile needle. I cleaned my nose really good inside and out, sterilized one of my old nose studs, and stabbed another hole in my nose. So, I have my nose stud back. It didn't hurt too much. Well, it only hurt for a little while, and now I have my nose stud back. All is well, and my boredom was assuaged for a few minutes....

Back from the Neurologist...

...again. I had a Nerve Conduction Study and some damn study involving sticking really long needles into my muscles and checking their response. The doctor asked me a couple of times, "Did you feel that?" and I  said, "Did I feel what?" Apparently, he had jabbed a needle in that I didn't feel. I dunno. He said I didn't fail the test, which is good. He went over the lab I had drawn on Thursday. Well, at least what was back. I tested positive for Sjogren's syndrome A but not B, but then again, I have pretty much been a straight A student. LOL

Sjogren's syndrome is an autoimmune disorder that kind of explains a lot, if I truly have it. I need to follow up with a rheumatologist. I will call them tomorrow. I'm tired today, and the more tired I get, the more I seem to stutter which I do not like at all. It makes me want to stab myself in the neck and is very unsexy. "Hhhhhey, IIIII nnneeeed ttttttttooooo sssseeee ththththththe dddddddoctor see how it goes....."

I am slowly selling off my most prized possessions. Not working is taking a toll financially, but I am not complaining. I still have food on the table, my garden is growing, and my family loves me and has been wonderful. SOOO, I still feel blessed, because I AM BLESSED..

So, if you don't mind, could you exercise your praying knees and whisper a little prayer for me, because I have no idea what is going on.......and my inner control freak is FREAKING OUT!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

I find it funny...

I went to the neurologist right. He is concerned. I can see it in his face, and it it genuine. I cannot walk without holding on to someone or something. I feel like someone out of one of those dumb ass Zombie movies (Sorry Marina), and he checks me for balance and every time he does one of his tests I lean to the right. He catches me twice at least, then he finally just give up. I am once again reduced to tears, I love my new job, my co-workers  are awesome, and my family situation has never been better. My sister and I have mended fences, and without her I would have not gotten to appointments or have kept my sanity.

So, they see that I have been treated for depression in the past. I have made no secret of that, nor have I tried to keep it from them. I have taken a list of medications with me where ever I have gone. They keep going back to this psychiatry thing. Well, I finally broke down and made an appointment to see a psychiatrist. He cannot see me until April 24th. I so want him to say, "She is fine, and y'all need to get on the ball and find out what the fuck is wrong with her." I am not depressed, because I have nothing to be depressed about. My daughter will be home in a month. He college is closer than she is living now. I am back in school, and I am making straight A's. I am living in a beautiful home in a beautiful neighborhood, growing our own food, and FINALLY, anyone that knows me knows that being close to family is very important to me, and I finally have that. I do know that I NEED to go back to work. No work for Geri equals no money for Geri which is no bueno.

So, they need to quit blaming everything on my Psyche and finding out what the real problem is. Yes, I do become emotional when they mention that, because I think they are not seeing what is right in front of their faces. Thank goodness this last doctor bothered to listen to me and ordered more definitive tests. I also listened to him and made my appointment with the head shrinker. Quid pro quo Clarice...quid pro quo...

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Back from the Neurologist

He was very nice and thorough, but I have no answers as of yet. He ordered a ton of lab work and a nerve conduction study for Monday. Hopefully we will know more after that. So another dose of wait and see...

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

In Case You Have Wondered...

Where I have been here is the deal. Not this past Friday, but the Friday before, I was driving to work. I had had a headache the day before, but I had not thought much of it. I took some Tylenol at work, and after work I just came home, took a shower, and went to bed. When I woke up, the headache was still there, and it had brought a friend named nausea. Still I didn't think much about it, because I had been treated for a bad sinus infection just a week and a half before and was actually still on antibiotics. So, on my way to work, my right foot felt tired. I thought that was weird, but I set my cruise control and continued to work. Within 5 minutes the right side of my face began to become numb and droop, and I lost complete control of my right arm. It dropped dead off of the steering wheel. Fortunately, I was at a service station, so I pulled over. I thought I was having a stroke, and I felt like I was dying. I had to reach over with my left arm to put my Jeep in park and grab my cell phone.

My mind was becoming fuzzy, I was terrified, I called my husband in essence to tell him that I loved him and goodbye. I was in and out of consciousness and becoming more confused. While I was on the phone with him, I began to lose my ability to speak, so I told him goodbye, and I called 911. After that, I basically lost consciousness. I remember the fire trucks. I don't remember my husband showing up, before the ambulance leaving the site. My memory is sketchy at best. I remember pain in my head so severe it felt as if a knife that had been heated almost to the point of melting had been stabbed there.

I had a CT scan which was negative. I had an MRI and an MRA which was also negative. I was admitted to the hospital, because I had lingering neurological symptoms such as my speech. Later that night they did an EEG which was also unremarkable. At this point, I still have stuttering speech and expressive aphasia which means that I cannot think of the simplest words to express my thoughts. The neurologist diagnoses me with Complex Migraines. I have never even heard of these before. She says they are very rare, and they will often mimic strokes. Kendra was there when she came in, and immediately put her "Smart Phone" to work.

Here is what we found out.
Complex Migraines are very rare and are hereditary. Symptoms can last from a few days to weeks and can be lingering. Symptoms can often be confused with a CVA. Headache, profound weakness, dysphagia, slurred speech, weakness, and visual disturbances to name a few.

So, I am fighting the headache cycle, and trying to get in to see a neurologist. After not having any type of headache in over 2 years this is a huge learning curve for me. My speech is still really screwed up. I have a pronounced stutter, and I am having difficulty coming up with even the simplest words. (dysphagia) I have called the neurologist I saw in the hospital only to find out they do not take my insurance. So, I went to my private MD who referred me to another neurologist. He was full until May 1, which is just unacceptable, and it was to my MD as well whom I saw again yesterday. She called him, and they are squeezing me in with another physician in their group on Thursday morning at 0845.

So, there you have it. I have been reduced to a stuttering idiot for the time being. (I hope) It has got to let up soon as well as the headaches. They are coming and going. Unfortunately, coming more than going. So that is why I have been scarce for all of you that have noticed or that care.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Teach a man to fish....

....and he eats for a lifetime. Well, I have always loved that saying, scripture, whatevah...and I think it is fitting here. We are not fishing, but we have gotten our garden started.  Kendra is home this weekend, so all of us were out there helping. The projects we do as a family are twice as nice. Anyway, my husband tilled up a small area to get us started. So far, we have planted six tomato plants and 2 rows of collard greens. We were worried about deer, and I sat down in a lawn chair and was gazing into the woods. I noticed some wire things in the just out in the woods a bit...TOMATO CAGES!!!! YAY!!! Tomato cages from heaven!! So then we dug circles around the tomato plants and put the cages around them. Nah nah nah nah nah! Take that deer!!

Today, peppers, squash, cucumbers, and who knows what else.....hubby is heading out to buy more!!!!! Kendra wants sunflowers, and I think that is a great idea!!

Friday, March 16, 2012

I am a Slacker at Best!

So sorry loyal readers. I know everyone has been waiting with bated breath for me to write again, but I have been sooo busy with my other blog, work, school, trips around the world, you know, everyday stuff. LOL Anyway, school is going really well. I am almost finished with  my first class. I have an "A" yay!!

Everything has been going OK here in the Addison household. The house is coming together nicely. We got the master bath redone thanks to a tub leak and good insurance, and now all we have left is replacing the vanity top. That will be done at the end of the month, because the top we picked out is on backorder (of course.) We dug a great fish pond, and the Comets and Rosy Red Minnows in it are flourishing. I also found a beautiful 45 gallon tank on Craigslist that I have set up in the living room. Lots of different fish in there.

Kendra graduates in 2 months which is really unbelievable to me! She will be attending the University of Georgia in the Fall. I am so proud of her! Zac is as always Zac. He is ready for school to be over, so he can play 24/7. LOL

So that is the past month in a nutshell. A very LARGE nutshell, but a nutshell nonetheless. Sorry no words of wisdom this time. I'm not feeling very wise this morning. I've only had one cup of ambition this morning, and I'm really not feeling another one. This sofa is feeling mighty fine this morning, and I am enjoying the view from my family room window.....

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Well, school is going really good. It wasn't too hard to get back into the groove of things. Since the classes are online, it has been a huge learning curve for me. I have never done anything but traditional school. I am amazed at the people who have graduated from high school that cannot even write a simple paragraph and follow simple instructions. I find myself yelling at my computer on a daily basis. I want to ask my instructor what she thinks about it. I know that SHE gives a shit, because she commented on one of my discussions thanking me for being prepared, organized, and writing a proper response. I try to work ahead, so work doesn't become an issue. So far it has been fun!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

The Cat's Out of the Bag

Well, I've been alluding to a change in my life for several weeks now. On here and on facebook. So here it is. I am back in college. I'm going to get my History degree. If you ask me why, it is because I want to and I want to do something for myself. I'm excited, and anyone that really knows me knows that History is my "thing." :)

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Ch ch ch ch CHANGES!

What makes you happy? What makes me happy? NO ONE should be saying, "My wonderful boyfriend/girlfriend _______." We should never depend on anyone else to make us happy. So many people including myself (in the past) depend on outside sources to make them happy. That is SOOOOO NOT the answer. What is the answer you may ask? Well I'm going to tell you.

The answer is YOU. You have to make yourself happy. I know that many of my friends are doing things this year for themselves, and I think it is fabulous. So many of us spend our lives trying to make sure that everyone around us stay happy, and guess what? they get so used to it that they begin to not appreciate it, and they EXPECT it. So, this year, I'm going to take a little time for myself. I've got some plans underway, and I will share them as they come to fruition. I don't want to put the cart before the horse so to speak, so for now they are staying under wraps.

I would encourage anyone that is unhappy to sit back and really do some soul searching. Ask yourself WHY you are unhappy. Many people want to blame their unhappiness on their husband, children, or some other outside source. Guess what honey, you are only unhappy because of you. If you don't like something change it, or if you can't change it in the very least change the way you behave or think about it. If you want to go to school GO! There are so many different financial aid programs out there it isn't funny, and the more broke you are the more money you get! If you don't have any money get a job. It may not be the job you want, but McDonalds is hiring everyday. The main thing is that change has to come from within YOU. Don't expect anyone else to change because of you, because you will forever be disappointed and UNHAPPY!!

Saturday, January 28, 2012

I Know it's Late...Get Over it!!

So I'm a bit tardy with my first post of the year. I hope everyone had a mahvelous holiday season. Mine was uneventful, but I have been UBER busy since the New Year has gotten under way.

I didn't make any formal New Year's Resolutions, because I believe those are DOOMED to FAIL. I do have several things that I want to get started and several things that I want to get finished, and that is all I will admit to at this time. LOL

I have started my new job, and I really think I'm going to like it. It is definitely different than what I am used to, but different doesn't mean bad or wrong....just different. Nursing is nursing no matter what pretty much. The people have been awesome and welcoming. I couldn't have asked for it to be any better, and we actually get a lunch break. LOL That is something I'm definitely not used to from my last job. It runs pretty smoothly, and it is pretty well organized. So, I'm keeping my hopes up, up, UP!!

I have a new venture that I may be embarking upon in the VERY near future...keeping it under wraps at this time, but if you don't mind send a little prayer up for me please!