Monday, December 17, 2012

He Restores my Soul....

It has been a tough Holiday season for me. Heck, it has been tough for me since I have been out of work since March. I have improved greatly, but I am no where near my old self. I have trouble finding words sometimes...well, most of the time. I have permanent "it's on the tip of my tongue" feeling, but I rarely come up with the word, and when I do it is the wrong one. I have other symptoms, but I wont go into that right now. My doctors say I will not be able to work anymore, and that saddens me greatly. So, needless to say I'm having a tough time on many different levels, emotionally, physically, and financially.

Finances are a biggie during this time of year. Not just because of the Holidays, but because we have 4 children who have birthdays during this time of year as well. I know the kids understand that our income has been cut in half, but it makes a mother feel horrible to not be able to afford to buy her children birthday presents. Anyway, times have been tough this year.

I had managed to buy Zac three of the gifts on his Christmas list. He is 10 now so he no longer believes in Santa Claus. They were his top three, so I was so happy I could hold back enough. I know that the real reason for Christmas is Christ, but I challenge any of you dear readers to have an empty tree on Christmas day for your children and see how it would make you feel. Anyway, I am proud of those three gifts, but they hardly put me in the spirit of Christmas. This brings me to Zac.

Zachery, my youngest, we call him Zac for short. I think he is beautiful inside and out. He is a bundle of energy that would never knowingly hurt anyone's feelings. He has a plethora of questions swimming around in his brain, and there is no telling what will come out of his mouth or when. He is a true joy, miracle, and one of my two greatest gifts. In my holiday doldrums this year I had not put up a tree. Saturday, Zac asked if he could put up the tree. He said he wanted to do it all by himself, so he could surprise the rest of us with how beautiful it would be when he was done. How could I refuse that?

So, my oldest son (step) Vyren, got the tree and ornaments out of the basements for him, and Zac set to work keeping us all out of the TV room until he was finished. It took him about an hour, and he called us in to look at his masterpiece. He was so proud, and there it was in all it's glory, our Christmas tree. The ornaments were placed carefully, but there is no topper. I remembered it was broken last year. The ornaments that he made in school this year right at eye level. I smiled and told him it was beautiful, because it was. He had worked so hard on it and was so proud. Each night I unplug it before I go to bed, and each morning as soon as he gets up he plugs it in. As I saw its multicolored glow this morning I smiled. My son, like that tree, shines regardless of what is going on around him. He sees the good through the bad. He knows and embodies the true spirit of Christmas. His heart is pure, and even though he knows that the gifts are few he does not care. He says the point is we will be together, and he is right. Out of the mouths of babes....


  1. Special. No other words to describe what you are finding even in your struggles with the effects of this disease. I wish you and all of your family a most beautiful Christmas, and more stability in the New Year. I hope you are able to get some income through the permanent disability status, though understandably, never enough and never in time, as I understand it.

    Still, your Zac, and your other family members are helping you when you need that help and that is fantastic. I'm happy you are able to see the beauty in it all. I'm not so certain I would be as good at it as are you.

    May your soul continue to be restored~

  2. Thank you Judy. It has been tough juggling things, but we have been able to manage. It has been like the first year of marriage all over again. LOL. Hopefully we will get some relief soon. I've been praying hard!