Haunted...

Anyone that knows me REALLY well, knows that I have a fascination with Cemeteries. I know it is morbid, but I don't care. I find them calming and strangely beautiful. The older the better. I love walking through them, ESPECIALLY old ones reading the headstones, tracing the engravings with my fingers, and imagining what kind of person they were in life now that they lie still beneath a blanket of soil and grass. Some headstones are so tiny that you know that the life had not even had a chance to get started yet. Some headstones stay beloved mother/father, son/daughter, etc... Some have pictures, elaborate engravings, personal sayings, or simply say "Lamb of God."

I've been "haunting" grave yards since I was a child reading headstones, running my hands across the tops of the algae covered marble. I've never been frightened, but I could certainly feel the energy of the place. I wonder if that is something unique to me. I've never taken a survey. Thoughts?

Just a short entry...

I woke up this morning to a very sweet email from my husband. I had sent him a picture of Zac and Axl that I took yesterday, and he was so excited to get it. I see the changes in the kids, and I am here daily. He can't see it except through pictures, and when I send them the impact is so much more. I could FEEL the excitement in him through his words. At the briefing for the soldiers and their families that we would not be getting the same soldier back that we sent over, and now my husband and I BOTH believe it. I will be getting a kinder, gentler man, that VALUES his family and the time we have together.....

Some people....

Soooo, this morning, 0730, text message, "are u clear to work yet?"

Me: Nope. Don't see the MD til next Wed. If I had been clear, I would have been back not killing all of my vacation time.

Now tell me, Why would I be just sitting on my ass at home while my children are at school, and my husband is coming home at the END of April using up all my vacation time? I literally will have NONE left, and will actually end up probably not getting a check at all towards the end. NOT my fault, I had surgery. Why is this concept so hard for people to understand? At the hospital where I work our vacation time does not carry over to the next year. We use it or lose it, so you are given a set amount and that is it. SO, mine is getting burned up very quickly.

Sorry for the vent, but after all, what is a blog for?

One More Day

February 15th. Wow, this year is ticking right on by, and I am so glad. My mom always said to not wish my life away, but this is one year that I must. I'm ready for it to be done and over with already at least up until November. I have been extraordinarily blessed in the way that I have so far had the opportunity to communicate with my husband frequently...almost daily. For that I am truly thankful, and it has made this whole experience so much more bearable for the both of us.

I have always believed that all things happen for a reason, and if we fail to learn something from it then we have missed an opportunity. My husband and I have talked extensively about this, and we have both learned a lot so far. He has vowed to get his passport paperwork started when he comes home on leave in April. He wants to take more time off for travel and family time. I have vowed to just enjoy his presence more and to not take HIM and his values for granted. He is a good hard working man, and he deserves the most that I can give him.

So, I am once again thankful for being blessed with one more day...

What a LONG DAY!!!!

This has quite possibly been one of the longest days of my life. The kids and I had planned to go to lunch and do a little shopping today, but Zac decided that he wanted to stay home and play with his friends. No big deal, Kendra said she would go pick up cat food while I stayed home with Zac. THEN, she and a friend decided to go play tennis...they are both on the tennis team and need the practice.....

Consequently, I end up spending ALL day by myself. Even the cats were no where to be found. The highlight of the day was talking to my husband this morning. I will thankful to return to work, and tomorrow, I am getting out of this house. I need to go to the grocery store anyway. What a party girl I am!!!! BLAH!!!!

Cake

Well, what can I say. I love cake. Not just any cake, Birthday Cake. Sometimes I crave it. Not a great thing for a diabetic I must say, but I am really proud of myself for having lost 49 pounds since June. So, every now and then I indulge myself and buy a small birthday cake. I don't eat a lot, just enough to satisfy my craving. The kids enjoy it as well.

Since my weight loss I've been able to come off of both of my insulins and one of my oral hyperglycemics. I take only one now, and my sugar even with the occasional birthday cake remains under control. I continue on my weight loss venture. My surgeries have put a temporary halt to my exercise efforts, but hopefully within the next couple of weeks that will resume as well. So, Happy Birthday to Me.....Whenever the hell I want!

Riding the Waves and Getting Sea Sick........

Once again I am horribly tardy with my entry. To be honest, I haven't really felt like writing mentally or physically. I think more mentally than physically though. I dunno, most of the time I feel like I hold it between the lines pretty good, but sometimes I run off the side of the road and when I try to regain control I jerk the wheel too hard and end up fishtailing out of control.

Like most everyone else I like to be in control. So much lately has been out of my control, and there is nothing in the world that feels worse than that. So, I'm trying to find ways to regain control, and I'm not doing too well with that. There are so many outside forces that are out of my control, and trying to stay in the boat in 40 ft seas is almost more than I can take.