This post is inspired by true events. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
First of all, I must give a little background information. If you are already privy to this bit of information feel free to skip to the juicy parts. I have been on some sort of anti-depressant/mood stabilizer since the ripe old age of seventeen. Keep in mind, I was given these medications NOT by a psychiatrist, but by my medical doctor. So here I go in to my medical doctor once again with my LOVELY insomnia complaint, and he says, "Geri, have you ever seen a Psychiatrist?" Bwahahahaha, MOI? NEVAH! Why in the world would I NEED to see a psychiatrist? I'm not crazy...well, maybe a little neurotic, obsessive, compulsive, and eccentric(eccentric because I am ABOVE the poverty line), but certainly NOT crazy. So, he says, "I think for us to get you back on the right medication, you need to see one." Well, after not sleeping for what seems to be years, I would have agreed to see Atila the Hun. I just want to feel semi-normal again right? So off I go to the psychiatrist...
(Fades in to the psychiatrists office 3 days later)
Geri: Hi, I'm Geri Addison and I have an Appointment at 2:30 to see Dr. Freud. (it is currently 1:45)
Nurse Ratchet: Your appointment isn't until 2:45. (stares blankly)
Geri: OK, do I have some forms to fill out or something?
Nurse Ratchet: They didn't mail them to you?
Geri: If they had, I wouldn't be asking for them. (Insert patented eyeroll in here)
Nurse Ratchet: They should have mailed them. (Blank Stare)
Geri: They just made the appointment on Monday. Today is Thursday. I write pretty fast I can fill them out now.
Nurse Ratchet: (insert heavy sigh here) OK, fill THIS one out first so the doctor will know what you are here for.
Soooo, I use the education that I paid for and filled out a "War and Peace" sized stack of papers in the HOUR that I had to wait to see the psychiatrist. I wouldn't think it would be a good idea to keep crazy....errr.....ECCENTRIC people waiting too long, but anyway I finally got in to see Dr. Freud and I was surprised that there was NO sofa for me to lie down on. How can I bear my soul sitting in a CHAIR? Oh the humanity! So the first question she asks me is why I was there. So I told her it was, because I wasn't sleeping and my medical doc wanted me to see someone.
Dr. Freud: Why Don't you sleep?
Me: I can't turn my mind off.
Dr. Freud: What do you think about?
Me: What DON'T I think about?
Dr. Freud: Do you have any obsessive or compulsive behaviors?
Me: Like What?
Dr. Freud: Do you shop to excess?
Me: Heck NO! I HATE to shop. Crowds make me anxious. I don't go to airports for the same reason.
Me: Wait...does online shopping count?????.......
Dr. Freud: Do you do it to make yourself feel better?
Dr. Freud: Do you spend money you don't have?
Me: not intentionally
Dr. Freud: Most people don't do it intentionally.
Me: you asked about me.
Dr. Freud:(smiles) yes I did.
The visit went pretty well. She asked more questions and wrote down some of my answers. I did wonder if she made little comments in the margins like, "Damn this girl is a real nut case" or if she drew dirty pictures or something. I may ask to look next time. She will probably say no, but she just might say yes. She gave me a prescription for Topamax 25mg once a day. It is a seizure med that is also used for migraine headaches that is ALSO being used as a mood stabilizer. I'm on the smallest dose, and it will be tapered up as needed. She also put me on Ambien which is a med for sleep. YAY for sleep!!! I've been on them both for a week and 2 days, and only one side effect so far that I have noticed. Normally one side effect would be a GREAT thing, but this one is not so great for me LOL. The Topamax has altered the taste of my Diet Coke, so now it is like drinking a nice cool combination of carbonated dish water with a healthy dose of dirty socks mixed in. Looks like I'll be increasing my water consumption....Why couldn't it alter the taste of chocolate or cake or bread???? DIET COKE???? You have got to be kidding me!!!! At least I am sleeping...