Going Home...

Next week is Christmas and for the first time in many years I will be going home. I have mixed feelings about it. The kids and I will be spending the holiday with my niece and her husband. I am very excited about that. What I am not looking forward to are the other memories that it will bring up. My mother lived down south and died New Years Eve 1993, and I lost her parents within 2 years of losing her. With their deaths, my family was basically torn apart. I haven't been to their graves since my grandmother died. I probably won't this time either.

My mother's birthday would have been this Thursday. She would have been 67. I look at other people that come through my life that are that age, and I try to imagine what she would have looked like. I look in the mirror and stand on my tippy toes, and I pretty much see her. She towered over me by about 5 inches, and she was much more classy than I am. Her hair was always done, make-up always perfect, and clothes always put together. I am the anti-"her" in that aspect. I've always lived on the fringe, been a bit different, never a conformist. We bumped heads in that aspect. Me with my t-shirt and jeans. She in her twin-sets and dress pants. Me with my scrubbed face, shorn hair, and sneakers. She with her make-up, hot rolled hair, and pumps. Even with our differences we loved each other.

If I live to be 67, I suppose I will know what she looks like. Everyone that sees me that HASN'T seen me in years bursts into tears telling me how much I look like her. (In miniature) So, I will be going home so to speak. It should prove to be interesting.

Things are looking up...

I'm feeling better about things now. My husband has made it safely to his destination. (Thank God) The Addison household is calming down and our routines are settling back in. The holiday schedule has come out at work and one of the girls at work asked if she could work Christmas Eve for me, and I jumped on that one. That just gives me more time with my children. The kids and I are heading down to my nieces for Christmas, and I think we are going to have a blast. I think I'm done with Christmas shopping, so my next project will be Zachery's birthday party in January. Skateboard themed. Should be a great time! I'm just glad that I am getting back to ME......:)

D-Day...

Although I had to take my husband back to the airport last Sunday, today is actually the day we have been dreading. He has been away from us for many weeks now, but at least I know he has been safe. Today things change a bit for us. Today he boards a plane for a 20 hr flight. I don't know when I will hear from him again, but I know I will. He is very nervous about going. It is the sense of the unknown.

Over the past few years life has thrown us many curves, and it hasn't always been pleasant. This is just another bump in the road, and I hope the next year flies by. So much can happen in a year. I miss him already.....

A Letter to Santa....

Dear Santa,

I know I'm a little old to be writing, but I thought I would give it a shot. I'm a simple girl with simple requests, and I don't want much. First of all, I want my kids to have a great Christmas. I can control most of that, and if my job cooperates we will be spending the Holiday with my niece Karmen and her husband Dave. I have most of my shopping done, with only a few little pieces to pick up here and there nothing major.

I have a couple of requests though. I don't usually ask for things, but this year I want a couple of small things. I want a big coffee mug, some flannel sheets, and some new fuzzy sleep pants.

Oh, and if it isn't too much to ask, please keep my husband safe with some magic elf dust or something. I know you can do it.

Love,

Geri Lynn Addison

Giving Thanks...

It is Thanksgiving morning and I have loads swirling through my brain, but really no cohesive way to put them to paper metaphorically speaking. I have mixed feelings about today. I am SO thankful to have my beautiful family although they are not all physically with me. Zac, the cats, and I are giving thanks by ourselves this year. Most of my readers know that my husband has been deployed, and my Kendra is spending the holiday with her father and his family. We had an awesome "last weekend" with hubby and the entire family last weekend. The house was abuzz with activity, kids, and happiness. We all loved it, and my husband was in heaven. Would I rather have them all here? Of course so, but it isn't in the cards for us. Like LOADS of military families, it isn't in the cards for them either. I just pray that they all come home safely.

Giving Thanks....

Today is Wednesday. An ordinary Wednesday for most, but not for me or my family. Why you may ask? My husband has been gone for about 5 weeks after being home for 6 days 3 of which I spent in the hospital, and the other 3 I spent extremely ill and recovering from surgery. Before those 6 days home he had been gone for 6 weeks. All of this in preparation for his deployment to the Middle East.

Tomorrow is Thursday. Also an ordinary Thursday for most, except maybe for those freaky Harry Potter fans that are going to the midnight showing of the movie.(me included haha) There is one more thing that makes it an extraordinary day for me though. What makes it such is that I am picking my husband up from the airport! I am so excited to see him, yet the visit will be bittersweet.

Sorry for being cliche, but the term bittersweet just fits here. You see, this is the LAST time my husband will be home, before he leaves for the Middle East. I want the weekend to be perfect. Kendra is staying out of school tomorrow to make an 8 hour round trip to pick up his children. I will pick him up from the airport, so he can be here when Zac gets off the school bus. We want to make every second count. He is exhausted from all of the training, so while he is sleeping, I'm taking a group of teens tomorrow night to the Midnight showing of Harry Potter. Friday morning, he is taking his oldest son to get his driver's license. They are BOTH excited about that!

We are NOT having a "Going Away" party. Those tend to be too somber. What we ARE having is a double birthday party for Kendra and his oldest son. Kendra's actual birthday is Sunday she will be 17. His oldest son's birthday is Dec. 5th, and he will be 18. SOOO, we are having a bonfire, chili, roasting hotdogs and marshmallows over the fire. I have ordered a cake, but not a grown-up cake. I have ordered a cake that mirrors their 1st Birthday cakes. Kendra's was Elmo and Vyren's was Hotwheels, so we are having an Elmo and Hotwheels cake! I think it will be loads of fun, and it will be festive.


Sunday will be one of the hardest days of my life. I will be driving my husband back to the airport. I won't see him for a very long time. His orders say "up to 400 days," but we know at least a year, but hopefully he will be able to come home for 2 weeks on leave during that time. I am thankful for the time I have, and I will be counting the days.


So, Thanksgiving may actually be NEXT week, but everything I have to be thankful for will be happening for me THIS week. Zac and I will be spending ACTUAL Thanksgiving alone. I will probably put a roast in the crock pot with potatoes and carrots. He LOVES that. No worries though. Kendra will be at her dad's, but we all have LOADS to be thankful for...........

Turn, Turn, Turn.........

It seems as if the leaves have turned overnight. I swear yesterday the trees were still green, yet this morning I awoke to them being awash in color. Although it was raining today it was still beautiful and bright outside. What a wonderful world we live in. The trees painted bright red, orange, and yellow. Who could call a day like today gloomy? To me it was perfect. Renewing rain and trees painted by the creators own hand. I know that in a couple of months the trees will be barren. The technicolor leaves will be in a brown blanket on the lawn, but today......WOW!!!

I'm Melting Away....

Oh, my ever ending struggle over my weight. I know I am not alone in this fight. Most people don't remain one size and stay that way. It takes a bit of effort. Actually, it takes a LOT of effort. I've been working really hard on my eating habits, and I think I've finally gotten that part licked. I'm eating healthier foods, but if I want something "bad" I'll allow it occasionally. I think the trick is not feeling defeated when I do "cheat." I don't consider it cheating though. I consider it an incorporation. I'm not on a fad diet. I still eat what my family eats, and they are becoming healthier for it too which makes me smile. Kendra is making quite a transformation herself. Now if I could just get the exercise commitment down, I think I will have it made in the shade. I've got 2 "face shots" where you can tell the difference. I've dropped about 35 lbs since June. Yay me!


I've dropped a chin or two, and I am SOOOO thrilled about that!!!!

The Cold Side of the Bed.

As many of you already know I am plagued by chronic insomnia and last night was no exception. It seems to have gotten worse since my husband has been gone. Sometimes I get caught up in my own little life that I forget that their is an entire world that is spinning out of control around me.

In the lamplight filtering in through the blinds I could see the cold side of the bed. It mocks me. A constant reminder that it is an empty cold space. It is still made the way he left it the beige pillow on the bottom, the brown pillow in the middle, the decorator pillow in the top. Neat. Cold. Waiting.

I keep it that way like a shrine. Waiting for him to come home. I stay on my side of the bed, not out of reverence, but out of fear. Fear of not feeling the warmth of him there. Fear of rolling over and NOT touching the smooth face and feeling his lips graze my inner wrist with the softest of kisses. Fear of the Cold.

I know that many of my friends are going through similar things right now. Many much more worse than I am experiencing at this time. Divorce, Death, Single, Deployment like me. Just know that you are not alone in staring and experiencing the cold side of the bed.

An apology to my loyal readers....

I've been absent once again. This time I wasn't off wallowing in self pity although that does seem to be a favorite past time of mine that I am contemplating renewing. LOL. Hubby has come home for his 1st of 2 visits and during this visit I became really ill and ended up in the hospital for 3.5 days. I am now minus one gallbladder and several precious days with my husband that I will never get back, but at least he was home to care for our children. So now, it is just the physical mending that is taking place. Hopefully it will be a speedy recovery, so I can get back to work. I miss work and my work family. Hubby will be home again November 18th and will be flying out again November 21st.....It was so nice to see his face.

I must apologize yet again....

You don't know how many posts I have started and have not finished. I have become quite robotic in my day to day life. Work days are the same. I get up. Work. Come home. Take a bath. Talk to the kids about their days. Pray for it to get dark enough and late enough for me to go to bed, and when it does I do so. Off days have their own routine as well. Get the kids up for school from my bed. Go back to sleep. Wake up. Make coffee. Do what chores need doing. Wait for the kids to get home. Spend time with them, ask about their day, help with homework, go over the previous week's schoolwork. Take a bath. Pray for it to get dark enough and late enough for me to go to bed, and when it does I do so. I'm having good days and bad days. Today is a bad day. A really bad day for some reason, and I feel so guilty for feeling like I do. There are so many people that have it so much worse than I do, and I don't have the RIGHT to feel like I do.

With that being said, I WILL get over this hump. I will quit crying. I will quit bathing in self pity, self loathing, etc.... I WILL put on my big girl panties and get over it!

It's a Beautiful Day!!

Today is one of those days when you walk out the front door and you cannot help but sigh out loud. The sun is shining, there is a breeze blowing, and the temperature is perfect. Autumn is definitely in the air, and in spite of myself I just had to smile! I know I had an extra spring to my step.

Autumn is definitely my favorite season. Yes, it is the beginning of cooler weather, Winter, the season of things dying off. I don't see it as the beginning of the end though. I see it as the beginning of a NEW beginning. I love it! The smell of wood fires, dry leaves, and crisp clean air. I love the crunch of grass and leaves under my feet. I love wearing my wool socks, Birkenstocks, blue jeans, and a zip up hoodie and T-shirt. BRING IT ON!!!!

Say it isn't so....it isn't so....

I walked down the dirt lane looking down at my dusty bare feet. Aimlessly kicking a rain smoothed pebble. I noticed that my knees were skinned, and my left big toe had a scab from where I had stumped it riding my bicycle the day before. All in a day's work if you are 10. I meander down the lane that dead ends into a huge field of corn that my granddaddy has painstakingly nurtured all spring and summer. I mindlessly brush a stray strand of hair from my dirty face and continue my trek into the field of corn that is twice my height. It swallows me up like a green leafy monster consuming me, before I have a chance to consume it. Without thinking I run my hands down the shiny giant leaves and look up at the tall tassels that remind me of the worlds largest marching band. I pause and close my eyes listening to the gentle rustling of the leaves that seem to be whispering my name, beckoning to me, encouraging me. I breathe in air that I am quite sure has to be the purest on earth, and at that moment I KNOW that I am the luckiest person on the earth......at that moment I am gently shaken....."Mommy, you don't have to wake me up. I woke myself up." Yes, I was having the most wonderful dreams from my childhood. I did take a fleeting peek at my feet to check for dust, but at his moment I STILL know I am the luckiest person on the earth....

Tuesday Morning...

Not much on the radar today. I'm washing my comforter in my new washing machine. LOL. Now to see if my OLD dryer can handle actually DRYING it. This remains to be seen. I am loving this Georgia weather. I actually contemplated turning the heater on this morning to knock the chill out of the air, but I decided to just enjoy it instead. Looks like a Law and Order SVU Marathon is on the docket for today. \o/....back to work tomorrow....

Feathers in a whirlwind....

Made it through the first week. I don't know why it has seemed so long. He has been gone for longer periods of time. I guess it is the anticipation of what is to come. With every passing day, I feel myself getting stronger, and I feel like I am regaining my footing. I only hope he is feeling the same. When I talk to him on the phone I can tell he misses me and dislikes the uncertainty as much as I do, but what can we do? We have children to raise, bills to pay, and this is part of the course of life he has chosen. I chose him as a mate so consequently it is my choice as well. I will continue on my present course. Taking things truly one day at a time. (I hate that saying, but it fits)

This week kind of sucks, but I did it to myself. My schedule is literally work a day off a day until Sunday then it normalizes again. YAY! So until then, see ya on the flip side!

Untitled

Heart racing.
Cleaning.
Obsessing.
Pacing.
Faking.
Smiling.
Failing.

I survived #1.....

Well, hubby left yesterday on stage 1 of his training. He will be gone for 5 weeks then he will be home for 4 days. Then stage 2 starts, and he will be leaving for Ft. Bliss Texas for 5 weeks. After that 5 weeks is up he will be able to fly home for 4 days, and then he will have to fly back where he will be leaving for the Middle East for a year or as his orders say "up to 400 days."

Watching him leave was hard. No doubt it will not get any easier each subsequent time, but it is a necessary evil being an Army wife. He had on his "brave face," but I know he wasn't any happier about leaving than we were about him having to leave. I've got a few days off of work to get my $hit together and to make sure the kids are ok. I'm still not 100% sure it has all really hit me yet. It is a bit surreal.

I'm staying busy. Kitties are my new bed buds. Axl misses his daddy though. He slept in his spot last night, and he will probably continue to do so. After this week, I may try to pick up some baby shifts at work. I can always use the extra money. :) Who can't?

Looking Forward....Not Back!!

Big things on the horizon! The hubs leaves on Sunday. He will be at Ft. Stewart training for 5 weeks, then he will be home for 4 days. He will then leave for Ft. Bliss Texas for 5 more weeks, then he will be flying home for 4 days. He will then fly back to Ft. Bliss and fly to Qatar for a year. So for the next couple of months, our lives will be a whirlwind!

However.....the kids and I are not going to just sit at home and wait for Daddy to get back home. We plan on keeping ourselves busy! Kendra has a trip to Europe that is being planned through her Spanish three class. It will encompass Barcelona, London, and Paris! It is scheduled for March 30th of 2012, so we have a little time to plan, and she actually wants me to go! Yay! \O/ That makes me feel GREAT as a mom! It will be her Senior year, and I know that having that experience with her will be irreplaceable! I am so excited, and I can hardly wait! We have so much to do to get prepared though. I have a passport, but she doesn't. So we have to get that done, and of course we have to get the trip paid for.

Zac is always keeping me busy in one way or another, so I am hoping that the next year will fly by. His Dad is planning on doing something special with him and his older brother Vyren when he gets home since Kendra and I are taking our trip. Vyren also graduates in 2012.

I've never wished more for time to fly than I have now, but I hope it whizzes by so fast I don't know what hit me!

I've not written in a few days...

I've been more than a little under the weather. I've been a lot under the weather. I am better today, and I'm trying to feel a whole lot better, because Kendra has a ball game today and I have got to go back to work tomorrow. I love my job and co-workers, and I feel like double shit when I let them down. I've been back reading in my blog here, and I have had some giggles. The time for my husband to leave is going by very quickly. September 20th is the day. He will have 2 periods of "leave" before he actually goes over seas, but other than that, that is it. I hope everyone has a good day.

Tick, tick, tick.....

Much like an Edgar Allen Poe story my life is ticking away one heartbeat at a time. I can almost hear it. I wonder if most people can actually HEAR the life changes as they are coming up as acutely as I can, or if I that is just another of my idiosyncrasies. It isn't that I set out to obsess about certain things it just happens. Once I realize that I AM obsessing I try to STOP obsessing, but that just makes it more difficult, because then I am MORE aware of the obsession. It is truly a vicious cycle that I am not quite sure how to break. I am afraid that I am going to miss or forget something truly important and let someone down. I make lists. Then I check them. Recheck them. Recheck them. Recheck them, and then I check them again. Still, I worry that I have forgotten something important. I am used to obsessing, freaking out, making lists and checking them twice, three, four, a thousand times, but my behavior isn't healthy. I know this.

I drive people around me crazy. Mainly my family. Zac, do you have homework? I've done it momma. Let's go over it ok? So we go over it. Do you know your spelling words. Yes ma'am. Let's go over them ok? OK momma. So we go over them. Are you sure that is all? Yes ma'am. OK. Are YOU SURE? Yes Ma'am. Did you feed the Geckos? Yes ma'am. Clean their cage? Yes ma'am. Today? Yes ma'am. Did you give them enough to eat? Yes ma'am. You sure? Yes ma'am. Do you have your clothes ready for school? Yes ma'am. ..........2 hours later. Do you have your clothes ready for school? You already asked me that. Well, do you? Yes ma'am. Ok......

Same type of thing with Kendra. With a dozen more, "You already asked me thats."

I dunno. I just want to be a GREAT parent. I want them to excel. I want them to have what I didn't. I want to be the mother I didn't have. I want to be the father I didn't have. I want to be everything I didn't have. I want them to be successful. Not necessarily in a monetary way, but in life in general. I want them to wake up everyday EXCITED to go to their job. I want them to be HAPPY and well rounded. I want them to define themselves and to not be defined by things.

I don't want them to be like me.

Today is one of those days....

I don't know what it is. I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed, and I feel a bit guilty for it. There are many people that are having bigger shitstorms than mine, but it is still my shitstorm. I am trying to hold it together work, children, and household all while my husband is getting ready to leave for a year. T minus 18 days and counting give or take 7 days or so in between.

Not wanting a pity party. Just venting a bit. :)

Sunday...Sundae...

Typical Sunday morning at my house. Although, I did get to sleep in a couple of hours, and that was VERY nice. I have been very busy lately, and I feel like I don't know which end is up. Yesterday I spent literally all day at a softball tournament with Kendra. Hubby and Zac stayed home. All day at the ball-park isn't exactly their cup of tea, but I quite enjoy it. Other than the wearing of the SPF 90 and STILL getting crispy! Oh this translucent skin of mine!

I don't have too much planned for today. Hubby is knee deep in his last class for his bachelors degree in psychology, and he just so happened to get the biggest asshole of a professor. Needless to say, he is stressing a bit, because he wants this degree, before he goes to the Middle East. I say Middle East, because we are really unsure where he is going to end up. I know they are starting out in Qatar, but my gut tells me that isn't where they are going to finish.

I know a trip to Petco is in order. I poured the last of the catfood in their bowl this morning and the Gecko's are out of meal worms, so off to Petco we must go. That is the only plans that I have for the day. Lunch and Supper are already in the works. I have a HUGE pork roast with potatoes, onions, and carrots in the crock pot already so that is a no-brainer, but a family favorite. Kendra has softball practice at 2pm today. I will sit this one out.

Maybe later ICE CREAM....Who knows? Living and Loving my life!

Guardians....

Life. It is the most precious thing we have. I believe that no matter what Deity if any you choose to worship it is our duty to protect those that cannot protect themselves. Adults are to protect the children in their care and sometimes the children that are NOT in their care, and we ALL are put here to protect the lesser beings being the animals of the earth.

Yesterday, I came across a kitten in the Wal-Mart parking lot. He was not in the best shape. Could I just leave him there to an unknown fate with the hope that some other person would be kind enough to take him in and give him a good home? I agonized over it for quite a bit and decided that no I couldn't. So, I took him to my husbands office. This tiny ball of fur. They all "ooh'ed and aah'ed" over him. After all, he is a cutie pie. No one wanted him of course. My husband said, "Are you going to take him to the shelter?" I said, "No I'm not." So, I left his office and drove him straight to the vet. $81 later "Jasper" had a clean bill of health and a new home.

I got him home and got him settled in. He is really tiny, so I took an old rusty baking pan and made him a litter box til he was big enough to use the big one. Fixed him a bowl of food and water of his own and a nice safe place in the kid's area where I could keep him safe from my other marauding kitty cats. They were not pleased at his presence. He got hissed at and slapped immediately. I know this is kitty way of establishing "pecking order," but I don't have to like it.

He slept with Kendra, and my husband was so angry that he slept on the sofa. :( I promised him I wouldn't bring ANYTHING else into the house. Apparently that isn't good enough. He left this morning without saying goodbye. Without a kiss. Without a "kiss-my-ass." It isn't like we have 30 cats. With Jasper we have 3. We have a HUGE house. He didn't even KNOW he was in the house til he asked me what I did with him.

I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't party. I don't see the problem.

Random Musing of the Day...Could be the First of Many Though...

I've been up since 4am, because I went in to work from 5am to 7am. It is currently almost 9am, so I have been up quite a while already. I was debating taking a nap, but I decided to make a pot of coffee instead. Today is my one day "off" and I am trying to make the most of it by doing laundry and such. Anyway, as I bring my cup of coffee into the livingroom I see(and hear) the garbage truck in front of the house, and I am reminded of a childhood dream of mine.

Kids are funny. They often don't see the "dirty" side of things. I remember being about 3 or 4 and thinking that being a garbage man was quite possibly the coolest job (other than working at McDonalds) on earth. I mean, wow, you got to ride hanging on to the back of this HUGE truck! Nevermind you had to handle other people's filth all day long, day in and day out. Not to mention the fact that when you ride on the back of that truck all of that nice garbage aroma blows right into your face. So, with that being said, I'm glad I grew up, and my dreams changed....although sometimes the aroma isn't so pleasant in the ER either....

One if By Land...Two if Bi-Polar....

Ah, so that isn't EXACTLY how the saying goes, but I took professional license as a writer. Writer, ha, I use that term loosely. I'm more of a hack than anything, writing my personal thoughts and my day to day goings on. Thoughts and such that most people really wouldn't normally be interested in, or at least I don't think they would be. Alas, the thoughts are mine, and they are original to me no matter how mundane or weird or disturbing or whatever you may happen to think they may be at that particular time. I pretty much like who I am for the most part.

I'm pretty quirky. Some may call me weird. Some may not call me anything at all, and that is ok as well. If you call me anything at all that means I at least cross your mind at some point or another. In spite of it all we are who we are. People strive daily to change who they are or to pretend to be something they are not to please others. Can you really change what you are made of? If you are born a certain way can you make a conscious decision to change your ways mid life? Why do some people feel the constant need to conform and "belong?"

Just a random thought for today. I've never been a conformist. I've never really felt as if I "belonged," but I've never been bothered by that either. I try to instill in my children that there is no "normal," and that thinking outside the "box" is a much preferred method although not always the most popular. I embrace my eccentricities and neuroses, and I realize that not everyone can. I'm happy with who I am, and where I am in my life. I'm living it and loving it!

And they're OFF....

Ah, the first day of school. The kids popped out of bed this morning and even my formerly unimpressed Zachery was rearing to go! "Is it time yet? Is it time yet?" LOL, bless his heart he just couldn't help it! They both looked too cute for words and with a kiss and a wave they were out the door in a flourish. I hope they have a great day. I will be waiting all day for them to get home, so I can hear all about it!

Living and Loving My Life! I hate that my husband isn't here to see it!

After the Boys (and Girls) of Summer have gone...

....Well, last week was our last full week of Summer Vacation. We didn't get to go anywhere. As most of you know our lives have been in a bit of turmoil with my husband getting ready for deployment. With that being said, I must say, it has been one of the best Summers I can remember. I have had the opportunity to spend loads of quality time with both of my children, and I consider it a blessing. I have really gotten to know them both, and even though at times we have gotten on each other's nerves it has been totally worth it. LOL

I have watched my son blossom and flourish in this new neighborhood with friends and bicycles and skateboards. He has transformed from a boy that was afraid of everything into a boy that is fearless. Today is "Meet the Teacher" day at his school, and they begin school on Wednesday.

Kendra, what can I say. She is a great kid. I will have only one more Summer with her before she is a Senior in high school, and then it is on to college. She is an Awesome student, and I have such high hopes for her in whatever she chooses to do in life. I know she will be a tremendous success!

So, to my kids, Thank You for making me the proudest mom in the world! (and the LUCKIEST)

Well I'll Be a Monkey's...Aunt?

I just noticed that I have made (counting this one) 102 post into this blog. Kewl huh? Well, it is to me. I know that not everyone is interested in my day to day life, and I don't expect them to be, but it helps me to remember what is going on in the continuum that is my life. Sometimes I get so busy and bogged down in the "everyday" that I tend to forget the little things that I find humorous or that rile me up or that I find particularly poignant or touching. I try to write them here as they happen, and I can go back and read about them later.

This morning, my husband and I were enjoying some quiet time, before Zac woke up. My husband loves hunting and fishing shows. He loves to fish, but as far as hunting I have never known him to go, but I think he would enjoy it. He loves the quiet and the outdoors. He never turns down venison that is offered by his friends at work, so maybe upon his return from the Middle East I will surprise him with a hunting rifle and some hunting gear. He is always invited by his friends, but has never taken them up on it, because he has never been outfitted to go. Since he will miss Christmas, I think I can buy him a rifle, cammo, and other hunting essentials and have them wrapped and waiting for him to open when he gets home. He would definitely NOT be expecting that, but I think he would enjoy the surprise.

Anyway, that is my random musing for today. I hope everyone has a peaceful Sunday. I'm living and loving my life. I am blessed beyond measure.

Chopped Nuts....

Well, I'm sitting here watching "Last Chance Highway" on Animal Planet. I absolutely LOVE this show! It is about a woman who saves dogs from "high kill" shelters, vets them, spays or neuters them, fosters them out, puts them on Petfinder.com and gets them forever homes. 3-4 Million cats and dogs are euthanized in shelters each year. This doesn't include the ones that die from disease, getting hit by cars, or killed from poisonings and other acts of cruelty.

SO CHOP THE NUTS AND SPAY YOUR FEMALES! BE A RESPONSIBLE PET OWNER.

Steps off of soapbox.

It's the Little Things...

I had some errands to run this morning. Nothing major mind you, just some mundane tasks that we all have to do from time to time. Kendra went to a sleep over last night, so it was just going to be Zac and me this morning. I hadn't planned on getting up particularly early this morning having stayed up late last night, but alas my fur babies had different plans. Axl decided to turn himself into an 18lb tabby hat at about 7am, and Lily decided that my feet were great play toys at about the same time. SOOOO, up I got, filled their food and water dishes and started my day.

I checked my email and texted my husband a "Good Morning I Love and Miss You" text. I think I woke him up. He is somewhere in Texas. I'm not sure of the time difference, but he texted me back, "Love and Miss you too." I wet my hair and raked some styling glue through it. I went to spray it only to find I was out of hair spray. YAY! Oh well, I have no one to impress anyway. LOL, I slipped on some clothes and woke Zac up to get dressed.

After we were both ready to go, we hopped in the car and headed to the bank to make a deposit for my husband, and then we headed to Cracker Barrel to have breakfast. We chatted about the upcoming school year. Zac is a bit nervous. He is starting a new school, and he will be in 3rd grade. We go to open house on Monday and meet his teacher. I assured him that everything will be ok, and that he will make friends very fast. He still isn't so sure, but I KNOW he will be fine.

We finished up our errands with a trip to Walgreens. Exciting I know, but it was quality time that we won't ever get back, and I cherish every minute. Tomorrow, we are off to "Old Navy" for jeans! We had to put that trip off for when Kendra could accompany us.

My kids are great and I love my life!

Stop this Train...I Wanna Get OFF!!!

I was just having a look at my schedule for the next few weeks, and frankly, it is a logistical nightmare. Kendra starts varsity softball next week with a tournament that starts of all days Friday. Well, I am working, hubby is working, and we have no alternative childcare for Zac. Sooooo, that means that I either have to see if someone will be willing to switch a day with me at work, which I hate doing, because people DO make plans, or Kendra will have to drop Zac off at the ER and he will have to chill out in the employee lounge until I get off of work. He is a great kid, and he can bring his Nintendo. There is a TV in there, but he will still be in there for about 4 hours. Also, I don't want to get into trouble with my supervisors. The kids start school on the 18th of August, and I shorted myself days that week when I made my schedule. I don't know whether I'm coming or going these days. I need to ask Zac if he wants to ride the bus that first day, or if he wants me to take him. He has become so independent and grown up. I'm almost afraid to ask him. :( Kendra's softball schedule is VERY hectic having 3 games a week and a couple of weekend tournaments thrown into the mix. Hopefully, after this trip to Texas next week, hubby will be working locally until September 20th and will be able to help me out until then. After that, I'm going to have to get creative.....AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!! Sorry to keep venting! I'm just trying to keep it together!!

A Tiny Confession...

I'm beginning to seriously freak out about my husband going to the Middle East. That is all.

It's Been a Few Days...

since I have written here. I did stop by last night and delete some inane Asian fortune cookie spam. I mean, what the hell IS the point? If you are going to take the time to comment on someone's post, read it and make an appropriate comment. If you don't like it, that is ok, I can take the criticism. I'm a big girl. I know that not everyone will like me or what I write about, and that is ok. Anyhoo, with that being said, here is pretty much what has been going on.

I had to go to the MD on Wednesday, because I had pink eye. On a better note, I had lost 13lbs since my last visit, my blood sugar was 82, and I got a "high five" from my doctor! I usually get yelled at. LOL I took Kendra for a physical on Thursday. She had to get 5 shots. She was NOT very happy with me. They also drew blood work on Friday. Hopefully good news will come from all of that. She and Zac both have to go back in September. Zac for a "well baby" visit and a booster shot and Kendra for her second Gardasil shot. Yay her. She is THRILLED about that!

I have been working in the ER a bit. LOL, well, my usual shift. I work 3 days a week 12 hour shifts, so that isn't so bad. My husband is still getting ready for deployment, and we are trying to get these kids ready for school. They start on August 18th, and Zachery will be going to a new school. They have shortened the actual school year this year, but they have lengthened the actual school DAY, so he should be a JOY to deal with after school. LOL

Yesterday, Kendra had softball tryouts and she made the team. I never had a doubt that she wouldn't. She is a good player even though her coach is a dumb ass. While she was trying out, I took my car in to have it serviced, oil change and what not. It was time and it is free since it is a new car. Hubby had his done too. While I was getting mine done we went to breakfast, and while hubby was getting his done too we went to Wal-Mart and picked Zac up some shirts for school. We then went to the mall and got Zac 2 new pairs of school shoes. I also got a pair of new Reebok "Simply Toning" Walking shoes. I plan to break them in today.

So, there you have it. Nothing too exciting. The Zac funny of the week is posted on my facebook, but I will post it here for posterity. LOL, Last night, He ran through the living room in boxer shorts singing, "It's Raining Men." odd behavior for an 8yo, but then again, he is my son. Gotta love him! LOL

Just a Random Memory...

...My mother was a very practical but proud woman. Back in the early 1990's when "car phones" first made an appearance I remember her saying, "I hope I NEVER think I'm so important that I have to have a phone everywhere I go." Thinking about that kind of gives me the giggles now. She died in 1993 WAY before the mobile phone craze had gone...well...crazy. Today we can choose from phones that do everything but our laundry from phones that are just that phones. Most of our children are connected so we can stay in constant contact with them. Gone are the days of keeping a quarter so we can access the pay phone if we are running late on curfew. Now we just have to make sure our mobile devices have enough charge and if they don't that we have a charger handy just in case. I'm thankful for the technology. It keeps me in contact with my children and my children in contact with me. I still have to wonder which one my mom would have chosen if she had chosen one at all...I think she would have though ;)

Good Sunday Morning!

So far it is beautiful here in Georgia, but I can already tell that it is hot. The A/C is running and it is on 76, and it is 10am. Not a great sign as to what the rest of the day will be like, but this too shall pass. I stayed up late last night watching "One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest," so I didn't go to bed 'til around 2am. I slept later than normal and woke to a couple of icy kitty stares. What else is new right?

Gotta love the little furry beasts though! They want nothing more from me than to be fed and petted, and I am more than happy to oblige them both. They bring me the greatest joy and are more than happy to lay around with me when I'm not at my best. No judgements from them just snuggles and purring.

So today is a lazy day with the kids. No big plans. LOL, no little plans for that matter, but that could change.

My life is fabulous, and I wouldn't change a thing. I have been blessed beyond measure!

To the Asian People....

......that answer my posts. While I appreciate your interest and you taking time out to comment, I have no idea in hell what you are saying. Actually, I would venture to say that none of my other readers know what you are saying either unless you are using blogspot to plan some odd military coup and are using us unsuspecting bloggers as a conduit. I'm assuming that if you can READ English, that you can also WRITE English. Please start doing so. It is like being in the damn nail salon and having the workers speak in their native tongue while performing their service, and I find that very unnerving and rude. End of rant....

Friday Morning....

It's 8am, and I have 4 days off from work. I am thankful. 4 days to spend with my kids, but I am sad that my husband is not here. He has been gone since last Saturday, and he won't be home again until next Sunday. He has been texting me nightly. Sometimes it is really late, and I wake up to it, but it is still nice to know that he is missing me as much as I am missing him. He is also making sure to text the kids. Poor man, I know he is exhausted, but thank God for modern technology. Had it not been for cell phones who knows when or if we would be hearing from him. He has lots of training coming up getting ready for his deployment. I guess it helps us get used to him being gone, IF you can get used to it. I dunno.

On a lighter note, in lieu of smashing my Blackberry to bits with a hammer I traded it in on a regular phone. I didn't use half of the features and it was driving me CRAZY(er). So, now I have a Samsung Reality and I am happy. I can text and talk and check my facebook without difficulty. It still has a calendar to help me keep up with appointments, so what else can I possibly need or want? PLUS, I don't have to pay the "Smartphone" fees anymore. YAY

I'm not sure what the kids and I are going to get into this weekend. Not too much as our funds are limited, and Kendra has to babysit tomorrow night, but whatever we do it will be together as a family. Thanks to all who read!

And THAT'S When it Hit Me....

...Riding home from Petco yesterday my phone makes the little dinging sound that it makes when I have a message. I check it and sure enough I have a picture message, and it is from my husband. This is the image that I received.


That is when it hit me. Him going back to the Middle East is going to happen and it is happening soon. His official "retraining" has begun. This training session is 2 weeks long, and he will be home on July 31st. He will be leaving again sometime in August for another 3 weeks, September for 5 weeks (obviously going into October), and he will be going to Ft. Bliss Texas on October 25th and from there he goes to Qatar.

While this picture makes me proud of my handsome soldier it also evokes a profound sadness of memories that will be created that he will not be a part of, tears that will be shed that he will not be able to wipe away, warm baby hugs he will not wake up to, and bad 8yo boy jokes he will not be the butt of.

It will be hard for us left behind, but it will be so much harder for him having to go and missing out on so much....

Shhhh, Don't Tell Anyone.....

......yesterday, I had fully intended on resting after working the entire weekend. After writing my blog entry yesterday morning, I went into the bathroom and glanced in the mirror. Most of you know I keep my hair very short, and it had grown just a little too long for my liking, so I decided to call my hair dresser and see if she could fit me in and low and behold she could. We also needed a few groceries, so Kendra said she would go while I was getting my hair done if I made her a list, so I did. She is such a good kid and ALWAYS willing to help. SOOOO, then after that was all said and done, we decided to drive to Tiger Town to go to Petco to buy a different container to put Izzy's meal worms in. The other container allowed them to escape, and they ended up crawling all over the enclosure. (gross)THEN, Kendra and I made another feeding box for Harley. She had outgrown the other one. So then I did 2 loads of laundry, cleaned out the litter box, unloaded the dishwasher, and wiped down all of the kitchen counters. Wonder how I'm going to rest today??????

Monday Monday...

Well, another weekend has come and gone. I spent mine in the ER working. It wasn't a horrible weekend all in all, but the combination of doctors wasn't great. Oh well, it is over now. Today is the beginning of a new week. The kids and I don't have too much planned for today. We have got to go to the grocery store, because we are out of the basics. No milk, bread, or sandwich meat. LOL Staples in our home. I have also called in my prescriptions to be filled. Hahaha, I feel like a granny. I put all my medications in a basket. Pretty damned pathetic huh? I'm working on that one though. I'm hoping the more weight I lose, the more meds I can QUIT taking. I've lost about 15lbs since working in the new ER. I think it is a combination of healthier eating, because I take my breakfast, lunch, AND snacks, and we walk about a million miles a day. I dunno, but something has got to give. I want to see my kids grow up and have kids or not have kids, but be successful in whatever they choose to do.

To my loyal readers who do pray, two of my friends need prayers. The specific need doesn't need to be spoken aloud, just pray for their physical and emotional healing and peace please. Thanking all of you in advance.

Whatever Creepeth the Earth...

....most of my followers know that I am a "Crazy Cat Lady," but I am also a reptile fan. I do NOT like amphibians. They look slimy, because they ARE slimy. So, I want no part of them. Reptiles are cool. We have had a Kenyan Sand Boa for a couple of years now, and she is way cool. We have spent the past two days upgrading her enclosure, and we took her smaller enclosure and decided to expand our reptile family by adding a Leopard Gecko. Petco was having a 50% off sale, so Zac picked out the perfect Gecko. Zac named him Izzy, and he settled in and began eating right away. I think he will have a great home with us, and I am in love with him already! The worst thing about reptiles is their choice of food, but I can get over that unless they want to share with me. LOL

I Tumble for Ya...

Soooo, last night, my husband comes home late. He is exhausted and frustrated and says, "Let's just get out of here and go sit down and eat somewhere." Zac and I had already bathed and were in jammies, but the look on his face prompted me to get up and slip into some clothes and off we went. We decided on IHOP, because it wasn't too crowded and it is relatively inexpensive. So, we eat a decent meal, have some nice calming conversation, and have some laughs at Zac. We get ready to leave, and I go to exit the booth, step on the back of my own flip-flop, and go down like a felled tree landing HARD on my left knee. I popped up like a jack-in-the-box and nearly ran out of the restaurant passing my husband. If he HAD hair I'm sure I would have created enough wind to have blown it back. He said, "What in the world is wrong with you?" I answered, "You didn't see me FALL out of the BOOTH?" He said, "No" and through his laughter asked, "Are you alright?" I pointed to the nice carpet burn on my left knee which made him laugh harder, and I said, "Other than this carpet burn, and my pride, I am fine." Well, I made IHOP truly IHOP.....

Days Gone By...

I must thank Tim York and our silly facebook banter for bringing to mind very real memories for me....

I was fortunate enough to have a very close family when I was a small child. I suppose I was about 3 or 4, but I remember bits and pieces of the vacations we would take AS a family. Mom, Dad, my 2 sisters, me and my maternal grandparents WOULD load up in the station wagon with the fake wooden sides and head to the beach. I'm not sure which beach. It would take forever it seems to get there. I remember we always had a hotel ON the beach though, and we would all share a room. My parents and grandparents would sleep on the beds. My sisters and I would sleep on pool floats on the floor covered in sheets. I remember my swim ring that looked like a big Lifesavers candy, and my granddaddy rolling up the legs of his khaki pants and jumping waves with me. I don't think he owned shorts. It was on one of these trips that I learned to swim, developed my love of the sea, and my hatred of sand. I still love the smell of tanning oil and the taste of the salt air...

Thanks Tim

I DON'T HAVE A MUSTACHE!!!!

.....and so it begins....yesterday, I went for a pedicure at the new nail salon in Wal-Mart. Friends from work had given it RAVE reviews, so I talked hubby into treating me to a "me" morning. I made sure I was there at 10am when they opened. They were VERY friendly and all greeted me with smiles. "Tina" a petite oriental girl introduced herself and asked me what my name was. I told her and she led me to a pedicure station complete with the most bizarre massage chair I have ever seen. It actually gave butt and thigh massages. Kinda nice though. I digress. "Tina" proceeded to give me the BEST pedicure I have ever had complete with a sea salt calf scrub, hot stone leg and foot massage, and parrafin wax foot wrap. After my nails were all cute she asked if I needed my eyebrows waxed, and I said, "Actually, I do, can you do it?" She assured me that she could and led me to another station....

So, there I was blissfully getting my eyebrows groomed when "Tina" says, "How about your mustache?" Taken quite aback I sat up and stated, "I do NOT have a mustache." Tina looked at me sweetly, handed me the mirror, and said, "See, you have mustache." So, I swallowed quite loudly, looked in the mirror, and sure enough, I have a little blonde mustache at the corners of my top lip......Horrified, I told Tina, "Rip that sucker off" and so she did. Then she made up for TELLING me that I had a mustache by saying, "See, NOW you look beautiful." Bless her heart. I only had to pay her a total of $50 for the great pedicure, eyebrow wax, lip wax, and that BIG FAT LIE......

Honestly, I thought the whole thing was hilarious! If you can't laugh at yourself, you have no right to laugh at others, and I do PLENTY of that!!

Making a List......

I am a list maker. I make lists to keep up with lists to keep up with the lists that I make. I have to keep myself organized, or I get really anxious. I know, me? Anxious? Who would have thought it? (HA) Anyway, I like to get started EARLY on Christmas. If I'm not done by November (preferably October) I get anxious. (There is that word again. LOL) So, I've had Zac and Kendra both make their lists. Kendra's is short, easy, and expensive. LOL, she is a teen after all, but I have plenty of time (GULP) to save. She wants an Ipod Touch and some weirdo adapter thingy, so she can use it in her car. Zacs list makes me laugh. It started out as a well organized "list," but now there are things listed all over the paper with things circled and check marked. I'm sure it will get longer and messier as time goes by. I've already bought Zacs "Mongoose Skateboard Twin-Pack," but I have got to buy the helmet. So much to do....so little time....I can check one thing off my list though....

List for this weekend
1. Pedicure
2. Haircut for Zac
3. Get Breast Cancer Ribbon Tattoo Touched up

Maybe hubby will take Zac for the haircut....it is a chore to get that child to hold still.

It's the Little Things...

Tonight I have a "date" with my daughter. We are going to the midnight showing of the movie "Eclipse" with a couple of my friends. Yes, the movies are campy, and they have pretty well all sucked, but it is something for us to do together. The first one was great actually. It was so ridiculous that Kendra and I laughed so hard that we actually decided to get up and leave, but a great time was had by both of us. You are probably wondering why we would choose to do it again. Well, it is simple. It is time that we can spend together. Time that we will never get back, and we hope that maybe the movie won't suck quite so badly. LOL We had tickets for the midnight showing of the second movie, but I ended up with the flu, so she went with friends instead. It just wasn't the same. So, we head out tonight, supper at IHOP, midnight movie, and lots of fun! So, I guess it isn't so little after all...My baby girl is growing up and these are days I won't get back. I cherish every moment that she wants to hang out with her mom. I AM truly blessed to be her mother.

What a cool week I have had.....

....and it is only Monday! I reconnected with my best friend from first grade. She found me through facebook of course. We have yet to catch up properly, but I worked all weekend and I'm sure her life is just as busy as mine is. If that wasn't neat enough, my First Grade teacher friend requested me today on facebook! I remember her vividly and the fact that she remembers me at all after 33 years just floors me and brings tears to my eyes! LIFE! I am NEVER ceased to be amazed by it! I can't wait to see what tomorrow has in store!

Thursday.....

Nothing too special about many Thursdays, and this one is no different. I'm off of work which is nice. I'm up early which is also nice. I'm sipping a huge cup of coffee and watching Lily stalk the Bettas. Now she has moved to the printer that my husband has placed on the coffee table so he can print his school work. I absolutely HATE his "mobile GEEK station" as I call it. It junks up my living room and I hate clutter and disorder.

So, today should be relatively uneventful for me. Kendra is babysitting, I have laundry, and I'm sure once Zac gets up he will be heading outside to play. I plan on getting some rest gearing up for the weekend at work. I actually think my husband is off of work tomorrow. His deployment date has been moved up again. We are now looking at October 25th. Time is marching on......

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas....

....I was just sitting here thinking about the holidays this year. Being an emergency room nurse kind of sucks around holiday time. We usually alternate holidays. Two years ago I ended up working Christmas Eve and Day, because the way they had me scheduled around that was ridiculous, and the time with my family would have been all messed up. So, last year, I worked Thanksgiving Day and Christmas day. So, that means that THIS year, I should have them both off. The thing is, my husband will be somewhere in the Middle East for both of them. So, Kendra, Zac, and I will have a Merry LITTLE Christmas indeed. Kind of pathetic if you think about it, but at least I will have my children with me. OH, and I can't forget my fur babies either. In the grand scheme of things I have no right to feel melancholy about it at all. At least I will get to BE with my children. My poor husband will be thousands of miles from any of us in a land that doesn't celebrate Christmas. Thank Goodness he will be with friends and it will make the next holidays that much sweeter, because hopefully he will be home with us where he belongs....

Sloth.....

.....One of the 7 deadly sins or so "they" say. I am committing this one today without a hint of guilt. I deserve it. One day out of 7 isn't so bad. At least I don't fill my week with a deadly sin a day, although it may be worth a shot. Maybe I'll think about that tomorrow, but today I'm slothful so I'll be putting that off.

Change Will Do You Good....

...Or so they say. On June 1st we moved into our beautiful new Emergency Room. I think I am getting used to it pretty well, although it has been a HUGE learning curve. My knees and hips ache a little more at the end of the day, and my days off are much more appreciated, but maybe that is a good thing too. Too soon after THIS change is the change of our medical director. My very favorite doctor who just happens to be the medical director is moving to Las Vegas. We had his going away party last night, and while we had a blast it was bittersweet. We have a new director coming in, and I think he will be great too. We have worked with him for several years, and he is young, super smart, and awesome.

So, Dr. Scott going to Vegas gives me another friend there and another reason to visit, and having the opportunity to know him has made me a better person and nurse. I am thankful for the experience, and I look forward to learning more about myself and my job everyday!

An Honest Mistake?!?!

So, this morning I woke up, and I was REALLY hungry. I don't normally wake up hungry, but this morning was the exception. Zac came into the kitchen just as I was about to pour the milk in my cereal. He said, "Why are you pouring milk into that cat food?" I looked into my bowl, and sure enough, I had poured myself a nice big bowl of Blue Buffalo cat food. Lord knows what would have happened had he not walked in at that point. I guess I would have taken a nice big bite of cat food! If you can't laugh at yourself do you really have the right to laugh at others? (which by the way, I do a lot) LOL

So I took a nap....

I've done basically what I intended to do today which was basically nothing. I ate breakfast and watched America's Next Top Model reruns til I couldn't take it anymore. At about 3:40pm I decided that I was hungry again, and I asked my daughter if she wanted something to eat. She informed me that it was neither lunch nor supper time, and that if I ate a meal then I would only be hungry later so I should wait. That's what I did. Since when did we change roles? I was hungry and bored, so I picked up both of my cats and went to my room and went to bed. We had a great nap, but Lily woke me up with a paw to the side of the head. Apparently she had to use the litterbox, so we got up. Thank God it was also a respectable time to eat too. I'm thinking hamburgers........

Ummm

Not too much to say today. It is early, and it looks a little gloomy which matches my mood exactly. LOL, as I typed that it reminded me that my mom used to call me Eeyore. Apparently I was a gloomy kid too. Not that I'm gloomy all of the time, but it has been a cry or die week, so I have chosen the cry option. Doesn't exactly THRILL my kids, but I don't think that my dying would thrill them too much either. Who knows? This too shall pass. The swing is down and going fast. Stop this ride I wanna get off....

A Productive Wednesday so Far...

......Actually, not so far, period. I don't plan on doing anything else today. LOL I dropped Lily off at the Vet so she can get spayed today. We really needed to have it done. She is a year old and with every heat cycle her behavior was getting worse and worse. Kendra had cardio training today, so after Zac and I dropped Lily off we went to IHOP for a completely unhealthy mother-son breakfast. When we were finished with breakfast Kendra was done with her workout so we went to pick her up and headed for the animal shelter to take a few blankets.

Ah, the Animal Shelter. LOADS of beautiful cats and dogs. I would bring them all home if I could especially the cats. They were exceptionally engaging today reaching through the bars and grabbing at our clothing. So we played with the kitties for a long time today! I pray every night that my husband will find his "inner animal lover." So far it hasn't worked. Maybe some day....

A Random Musing About Cats in Heat.....

.....Well, I know this is a difficult subject for most, but I intend to talk about it. It is quite possibly the closest thing to Hell without actually going. It is a week of cat yowling, rolling around in the floor, and rubbing their genitals on anything and everything that will hold still or is stationary. NOTHING is sacred. Every piece of furniture in my home including my rock fireplace surround has been molested by my normally sweet little brown cat that at least once a month turns into a creature that I do not recognize. This last cycle was particularly bad, and actually had me considering going in to work and doing overtime just to avoid the yowling and howling that was permeating my home. I can take no more. Tomorrow is the day. She is back to her sweet self, and we are hopefully gonna keep it that way. She has no idea that her life will change tomorrow, but I know it will be for the better. They will have to keep her over night and that will make me sad. She will think her mommy has abandoned her, and I will be working Thursday when she is ready to come home, but Kendra will be there bright and early to pick her up. I am so excited!

I know it seems very silly to be excited about something such as this, but I am a huge proponent of Spaying and Neutering your pets. I don't think any responsible pet owner just lets their pets run mamby pamby and have litter after litter of puppies and kittens. It is too hard to find them homes with responsible owners as well. Anyway. I will not get on my soapbox here except to say that I have two pedigreed cats that I could have bred, but have made the conscious choice not to. Think long and hard before you get a pet, and think long and hard before you allow them to reproduce.... Too many unwanted animals out there already.

So, Kendra and I have gone through our blankets and are washing them getting them ready to take to the Animal shelter. They are always in need of blankets and towels. You can take it off on your taxes too!!!

Work, work, work....Change, change, change....

Heading back to work tomorrow. This will be my last weekend of working in the "old" ER. We officially move to the "new" ER on June 1, and I am excited and a little bit nervous. It is BEAUTIFUL, and in my 16 years of nursing I have NEVER worked in a brand new area. So, I think it is about time. The new ER is quite a bit bigger and a whole lot different than what we are used to, so it is stepping out of our comfort zone a LOT, but change for the better is a good thing, and we work hard, and we deserve a nice new work area. I am very proud of the place that I work and the job that I do. I am blessed to have great co-workers that understand the meaning of a TEAM. Sorry for all of the run-on sentences, but it is late, and I am ready for bed. Have a great weekend!

One step closer to death or dismemberment...LOL

I've always been a little frightened of motorcycles. My husband recently got one, and I thought, "Hey, I may enjoy riding one of these things." I made the HUGE ass mistake of actually VERBALIZING that out loud in front of him, so this morning, he said, "Let's go take the written test to get our permits." He has had one before, but it has lapsed. I have never had one before, but apparently I have lapsed as well, because I went along with him for kicks and giggles. He had been asking me questions from the book for the past few nights to help himself study, so I never thought I would have a dog's chance in hell of passing, and I didn't think he really did either. Not only did I pass, but I only missed 2 questions. You can miss a total of 5 and still pass. Hubby missed 4, so in all actuality I did better than he did, which I have not let him forget ALL DAY LONG. LOL, Anyhoo, we then went to try on bikes. He already has his, but I don't have one. The permit is good for 6 months. I had done some research on the internet on the top 10 starter bikes, and decided that would be a good place to start. We started at the Yamaha shop. I like the V-star 650. It has good balance, and it isn't too heavy. THEN we went to the Harley Davidson Dealership where I met my soulmate. LOL He came in the form of a 2009 Orange and Black Retro Sportster....I think I'm in love....I should have taken a pic....I'll try to get one from their website....He completes me....too bad he is so damned expensive....a girl can dream right????

Anyway, the Harley Dealership actually teaches a comprehensive 3 day class that teaches you how to ride and they let you ride one of their bikes. I think that is the route I am going to go, so I can get my license, so when my soulmate is ready for me, we can hook up properly. LOL

Sunday Morning...

Wow, what a beautiful morning! I love the colors of nature! The bright green of the trees against a backdrop of sky blue highlighted by the bright rays of the sun causing mist to rise as it takes a drink from the earth in a futile attempt to parch it's dry throat. MARVELOUS!!!! The wonders of the world never cease to amaze me. The birds are awake and searching the leaves for their breakfast while the squirrels scamper around with their mouths full of nuts or some other hidden treasures. While the world is yawning and stretching performing it's homage to the sun, I find myself doing the same, and praising the creator for giving me the privilege of another day. Another day to bury my face in my sons hair, to look at my daughter's beautiful smile, and to drop a kiss on my husbands bald head.....Life is good!!!

Just some Random Thoughts About Religion...

My husband and I took a rather lengthy ride on the motorcycle today. We rode to a small town called Pine Mountain, and the ride itself was actually beautiful. It gave me time to think about a lot of things. As I surveyed the beautiful scenery it's creator was foremost in my mind. I was raised in a tiny church called Reedy Creek Baptist Church. It was a very small church and the environment was more family like than anything. It was our social scenes as well. The pastors there, I remember 2, were soft spoken and weren't the hellfire and brimstone Bible beating type that are depicted in so many movies of southern churches. I know there are preachers like that, but I am so thankful that I wasn't exposed to that type of environment as a small child. Now, as I grew older, I went to different churches and did have the misfortune of encountering this type of "preaching." Basically telling me that if I wasn't in church every time the doors open that I was going to suffer an eternity of pain and suffering in a never ending hell.

My concept of the Creator may differ from yours, but it doesn't mean I am wrong. I believe in an "Afterlife," but I also believe in a "Before life." I may not be "religious," but that doesn't mean I am not a spiritual being. How can one look at all of that surrounds us and not believe in a greater power? Just because I don't put a name to mine, or carry a Bible doesn't make me wrong. I feel the presence of the creator all around me at all times. I choose to not go to church. I don't need the approval of other humans. I don't need someone to say, "Hey, Geri is a great person, because she goes to church." How many times to you see people tossing back martinis at the local watering hole on Saturday night only to show up at church on Sunday morning? So what if you talk it if you don't LIVE it.

I am who I am. I wear a rose quartz crystal around my neck, because I like the energy I derive from it. It's perfectly formed cool edges comfort me, and yes, I believe that natural crystals have healing energies as well. I believe in the basic 5 elements earth, air, fire, water, and finally Spirit. I pray. I know I will see my mom and grand parents again. I also know that they have truly never left me. I believe that spirits will try and make contact. Do you listen?

Thunder....

.....what a beautiful sound. Right now, the world outside is a strange green color, and the sounds of nature are becoming forceful demanding that I take a look, smell the smells, appreciate the wonder, beauty, and power. So I do. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, and I feel the power. I am nothing but an insignificant speck in this great big world, but I am so honored to be here....

Overcast....

Today is very overcast...I'm not sure if it is going to rain or not...Sure is making me sleepy...Sure is making me use lots of periods...Sure is..........

Ride Like the Wind...

...I wasn't sure if everyone would be interested in reading about my motorcycle "adventures" or not, and I was undecided as to whether or not I should begin a new blog. For now, I will continue my bike adventures here. Hubby and I went on a ride today for about 1.5 hours. We rode to a nearby lake and dam. We love to go there in the car, but the experience by bike was completely different. Today is a bit overcast and it is looks as if there may be a storm trying to develop. Today the fragrances were a bit different for me, and the sights were a little bit different as well. The smell of rain assaulted my nostrils mixed with honey suckle and freshly turned earth. If only I could bottle that smell. What a comfort it is to know that there IS a higher power out there that truly does appreciate the finer things in life, and that feels us worthy enough to share in them as well. Call "him/her" what you will, "God, Allah, Buddah, Gaia, etc...." it is all the same. Agree with me or not it doesn't matter. What I experience defies naming. You name your baby, dog, cat, fish....how can you place a name on what defines EVERYTHING??? Anyway, I digress, I have taken a few pictures of my journey today. I hope you enjoy them. I really hate that I didn't get a snap shot of the Osprey?(I think) diving into the water for a fish, or the huge turkey hen that watched us as we drove by. I was too busy watching them in amazement. Life is certainly a blessing...

Sometimes my Mind Wanders and Wonders...

I am actually chuckling to myself right now. Having just responded to Amy's post about the 411 "robot lady," and her not taking offense at being hung up on, I was reminded of the numerous times that I have accidently bumped into a store mannequin, and before I knew what I was doing found myself saying, "Excuse me" or "OH, I'm so sorry." Life is a funny thing. I think it is all in how we are raised. I was raised saying "yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir and no sir," and I find that many people get offended when I use these terms. I do use them everyday in my work, and to me it is a sign of respect. It doesn't matter to me if you are younger, older, or the exact same age as I am. I am amazed at the number of youth today that are being brought up with NO manners at all. I find this so frustrating, and if I found out that my children were disrespectful to anyone in authority it would mean a total throttling for them. No parents, it is not cute for your toddler to tell you "NO" and pitch a fit. It only gets worse as they get older. So, next time you bump into a mannequin, don't forget to apologize...LOL, it just MAY be a real person.

I Now KNOW Why Dogs Hang Their Heads....

.....Out the Windows when they ride.... OK, so as everyone who follows my blog knows, my husband got a motorcycle. "Us a motorcycle" as he puts it. Well, he got the bike on Friday and has been riding it since. Practicing as he calls it since it has been over 12 years since he has been on one. I encouraged this practicing, because he wants ME to ride with him and had me pick out a helmet and purchase it. I prayed to the Ebay gods of slow shipping, but they didn't hear my prayers. My helmet came today, and my husband said, "Let's RIDE!!!!" SOOOOO, I put on some jeans, strapped on my new helmet, took a big dose of courage, and mounted up behind my husband....Hang on he says, so I grabbed a double handful of t-shirt and chest hair and OFF we went!!!

Immediately my senses were overloaded with the smells of spring. Flowers blooming, freshly cut grass, and newly mown hay filled my nostrils and put me into olfactory overload. I would have stood up to get a better sniff had I not flown off the back of the bike and died in a tangle of broken limbs, bone marrow, and denim...As we drove into town, I was assaulted by the smells of diesel, exhaust fumes, and tar. While different than the initial smells, I didn't find them noxious. I found all of the scents strangely comforting and distracting.

Distraction is a good thing when you are NOT driving, had I been driving I would have missed the asshole that pulled out in front of us and the two deer that ran out in front of us....All in all it was an eventful first ride! WOOHOO!!!!!

A bit of writer's block...

...I'm not sure why. Maybe things are going a bit too smoothly in my life, and I don't know how to deal with it. LOL Perhaps my meds are working like they are supposed to. Imagine that!!!! LOL, I dunno. I'm up early, just biding my time until it is time to get ready to go to field day at Zac's school. It should prove to be a hot one today, but the kids don't care. I remember Field Day from when I was a kid. Lots of running and ribbons and sack races.....I never won much, I didn't care. I was outside and NOT in class! Field Day also symbolized the impending end of the school year. We have exactly 2 weeks left from today, and another school year will have come and gone. My babies are no longer babies, and I am another year closer to having an empty nest. I always thought that I couldn't wait for that to happen, but the closer it gets the more I dread it. My first little bird will fly the nest in 2 years, and is sporting her class ring like nobody's business. LOL. Hubby has decided to quit worrying so much about what is going to happen to us AFTER we get finished working and decided to have a little fun now, so he has decided to buy us a motorcycle. I feel like it is important for us to enjoy the money we make now. You certainly can't take it with you, and we still have plenty for retirement. So, if we can manage to stay ALIVE on the damned thing, it should be a lot of fun for us! A lot of my friends ride, so maybe we can get out more as a couple. I certainly hope so....

My Latest Ink!

I wrote this blog post to match the ink I got last night. It was my Mother's Day present from my family. They asked what I wanted, so this is what I said. Hubby took me and paid. It is a pink breast cancer ribbon done for my friend Tamara. She is going through a rough time right now and it makes me feel just a bit closer to her. We are 3000 miles apart, so I can't actually pop in and out for coffee, so this was the perfect way for me to show her how I feel about her. :)

Feeling a bit better....

....I seem to be on the upswing....for now....I made it through the work weekend once again. I find myself seriously living one day at a time. How cliche I know, but it works, and I know no other way to do it. I never know which "Geri" is going to wake up. LOL I have a meeting tomorrow at work. It is supposed to last for 4 hours. At least I will get paid for it even though it consumes half of one of my 2 days off. I'm going to get my hair trimmed tomorrow...yay me. I lead an exciting life I tell ya! No clue what to do after that. Definitely a shower to wash all of the loose hair off. I can't STAND that! I'm still working on my husband about a dog, so far, it isn't working. If anyone has any suggestions, I will be open to them. I didn't get much Zac time this weekend, so I am looking forward to this upcoming weekend. Friday is field day for Zac, Saturday Kendra has a softball tournament, and Sunday is Mother's Day. I will no doubt, get absolutely nothing, as usual. Yay me!! Maybe I'll get a dog. Maybe hell will freeze over. Maybe another Bush will get elected president. Maybe, maybe, maybe....

Riding the swings....

...isn't fun to me. No, I'm not talking about a ride at Six Flags, I'm talking about the swingage of my moodage. LOL, coining new terms here. Yes, I blog when I'm up, and I blog when I'm down. Thankfully, the ups far outweigh the downs. I maintain, because I HAVE to. I refuse to let my "Mood Disorder" "Bi-Polar", blah, blah, blah, call it what you want beat me. I blog, because it makes me feel better. Self imposed therapy if you will. If something that I blog helps someone in the process then YAY! If it helps someone feel a bit less alone then YAY! I don't blog for pity, because those of you that know me know that is the LAST damn thing I want. I want to be NORMAL or as close as I can get. I happen to love my quirky, OCD, neurotic self. So, if you see me taking a ride on the swings, don't worry eventually the ride will stop....

Cats Gone Wild!

...I managed to sleep in this morning which was a welcomed change. Sat down to pay bills for the month. It is my "first of the month" routine. I don't usually mind it. It is my time. Quiet time. I can reflect and be happy that I have enough money to actually cover all of the bills which is VERY nice. Unfortunately the cats have other ideas this morning. They have both stuck their heads in my glass of milk, and are tearing through the house like they are being chased by the most horrible monsters that have ever existed. They are running across the computer keyboard, so I'm having to double and triple check the amounts I am sending to my creditors. LOL I'm in better spirits today. I'm being eyed by the cats again....must be time for the second attack....

It is really hard...

...to unfurl from the fetal position. I didn't want to, but I had to. Children are a powerful motivator, but other than that I would still be in my warm comfy bed. It is getting harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning, but life must go on no matter how mundane and useless is may seem. I get up, see the kids off to school, on work days, I go to work, do my 12 hours, come home, take a hot bath, and PRAY for a decent hour to hurry up and get here, so I can go to bed. My existence is just that an existence. Autopilot has taken over. Elvis has left the building. Lemme know if you find him. I want him back.

I was just wondering....

....when my life became a dictatorship instead of a democracy. The last time I heard the words and I quote, "No chance. This is my final answer." I think I was maybe 13 or 14, and DEFINITELY didn't contribute to a household by working my natural born ASS off. So, yeah, I'm just a TAD pissed, and I'm not quite sure WHEN or IF I will get over it. I'm pretty sure I won't. I don't do well with being told what I can and cannot do especially in a home where I contribute MORE than my 50%. I'm angry, humiliated, and debased as a partner. I feel like I'm less than nothing.

Unfit...

...wife, mother, co-worker, friend. You name it. I'm unfit. My moods are mercurial at best. Apparently I cannot articulate my needs, desires, or opinions in a manner that can be understood by anyone. I may as well speak a foreign language. I may as well not speak at all. I think that is best. That way, no one gets hurt.

It is official....

....I have lost my damn mind! Ok, so Kendra was driving us back from Petsmart and I was riding shotgun. I was just sitting there playing with my Blackberry not paying much attention when she suddenly stops and screams, "Get it out of the road momma, get it out of the road!!" SOOOO, without thinking, I FLY out of the car, lost a flip-flop, and there is a LINE of people behind us and in between our car, me, and the LINE of cars is a TURTLE!!! So, me and my one flip-flop wearing self quickly removes the turtle to the side of the road, limps back to the car and off we go....Needless to say, I will pay closer attention next time.....maybe......

*sighs...

....I rarely make more than one post in a day, but as you can see today is the exception. I'm sitting here at home, Zac, me and the cats. Kendra is off to a friend's house. The other half is gone...again...what else is new, right? I text him, "What are you doing?" He texts back "Rough" Well, at least someone is getting some right? LOL, Is that an appropriate answer to my question? Absolutely NOT. Oh well, no different from most of the answers that I get from him at home. All answers translate into, "Your question isn't important enough for me to pay attention to, so I will just throw out an arbitrary answer." *sighs....Does the end justify the means or is it vice versa? I have no clue. Let me just throw an answer out there for you..."Nilla wafers" Makes just about as much sense doesn't it....Damn I need a vacation from myself.

Awake and Drinking Coffee

It is Saturday Morning and the house is quiet. At least it is on the inside. I am up so early, because it is storming like crazy here. Thunder Lightning and the cats throwing themselves against my bedroom door. They aren't thrilled with storms. Me? I love them. So up I get. I start the coffee pot and fire up the old lap top. NICE, there is a "Law and Order" marathon on TNT. I've seen them all before, but it doesn't really matter. It is the solitude. I love it. I'm now sipping coffee. Axl is asleep on the sofa back behind me, and Lily is asleep on the cushion beside me THANK GOD. She is in heat again and when she is awake it is a caterwalling nightmare. Thank goodness it doesn't last too long. A couple of days at the most, so once again we are riding out the storm. I really need to get her spayed, but finding the time and parting with the money is difficult for me to do.

So, here I sit. My husband is out of town again. What else is new? He is gone more than he is home, and when he is home, he isn't really here. I know that probably makes sense only to me, but if it makes sense to anyone else out there, just know you are not alone. I thank the lord everyday for my children and my friends, because even when they aren't here they are. :) So, I do consider myself lucky on that front. At least I have people that love me.

Sorry there is nothing particularly witty or funny in this post. Just my feelings this morning on this rainy Saturday. I love followers, and I love comments. Please feel free to leave them. No repercussions and I love a good debate. Anyone that knows me knows that! LOL, I even respond to the Chinese spammers that I have no idea what they are saying.

So, have a GREAT day. Hopefully something awesome will happen today, and you know I will post it! Lovin' Life as Fucked as it is!!!

Something to consider...

I'm not quite sure, but I think I have too much time on my hands sometimes and think WAY too much about well, just things. I wonder about the lines on my forehead. Are they there because I frown constantly? Are they there because I squint to see? I'm not sure why they are there. If I relax my forehead, my eyes close. Obviously I can't go around with my eyes closed, so am I doomed to have permanent forehead wrinkles? When I am my upbeat and happy self I am considered to be too "in your face." Yet, when I attempt to tone myself down, reeeeeeeeeeel myself in, I am inundated by people asking me, "What's wrong?" "Are you sick?" "Who died?"

Don't cuss so much Geri. Don't talk so loudly Geri. Do you think you can be a bit more diplomatic Geri? Geri, why don't you buy new scrubs? Don't you want to look cute at work?

OK, here is the deal. I am loud and boisterous. I love to have a good time. If cussing is the worst thing I ever do then I think I will be ok. I like my forehead wrinkles and my gray hair. I have great brown eyes and a nice smile. So what if I don't slather my face in makeup. I don't care if I am "cute" at work. I am not there to pick up men or win a pageant. I am always clean and I smell nice. I am fiercely loyal to my friends. I like my steak red and my companions funny.

Me in a nutshell. Take it or leave it.

Life is a series of choices...

Some good, some bad, some indifferent. Do you find what you seek? What does it take to bring true happiness? Do you cross lines? Do you draw lines to cross? Is complete honesty the BEST policy? Just giving you a bit to think about this morning. There are no right or wrong answers here. I would LOVE to see more comments!

Interesting....

....SOOOO, my husband is taking Abnormal Psychology this semester, and I'm a bit nervous. So TODAY he has gone over Anxiety and Mood disorders and now he has moved on to Obsessive Compulsive Disorders...I'm getting sideways glances and solicitations for advice which I don't normally get...scary huh? LOL He is typing an awful lot too. Maybe he will get an "A" this time, because of "On the job experience." Who knows? LOL

Scratch and Sniff??? FFS!!!

In my bizarre little world I find my self doing bizarre little things. I don't particularly know why, but today this just struck me as pretty much one of the funniest things I do. I see an unfamiliar spot. I sniff it. Weird I know, but I can't help it. If I can't smell anything when I sniff it, I scratch it, then I sniff it again. So far, I've gotten peanut butter, grape jelly, a tad of soy sauce and something vaguely familiar yet unrecognizable...I think this is a compulsion I need to break...and soon...I see it ending badly...LOL Just thought I would share.

Things I Miss From My Childhood...

My Granny Singing in the Kitchen
The way my grandpa always smelled faintly of regular gasoline, Aqua Velva, and Vitalis
My Mom's smile.
Walking through the freshly plowed fields
Easter Dresses and Black Patent Leather Shoes
Taking the Row Boat out in the pond
Playing in the rain
Shelling peas under the Chinaberry Tree
Family Reunions
Beach Vacations
Picking wild blackberries
Wearing cut off shorts
Playing "Kick the Can"

Adventures of an Insomniac....

...I know I have spoken on this topic before...a LOT...but it is a BIG part of my life and has been for years. Actually, it has been a part of my life as long as I can remember. Not sleeping is a pretty miserable thing. I mean, how many re-runs of "The Golden Girls" can one watch without going into Sarcasm Overload? I find myself walking and talking like Bea Arthur and longing to wear really long sweaters and big chunky jewelry, and it just doesn't work for a number of reasons. LOL, #1. I am about 2 feet shorter than Bea Arthur. #2. I look HORRIBLE in Cable Knit, and #3. I just CANNOT work that puffy grey hair! Anyhoo, as you may have seen from my previous postings, at the urging of my medical doctor, who apparently fears for my sanity (HAHA, which unbeknownst to him has been LONG GONE) urged me to see a psychiatrist for my insomnia AND my depression. Depression you may ask? YESSSSSSS. I have been on nearly EVERY mood stabilizer known to man and have never seen a psychiatrist. LOL, my family MD had always just written them for me, and when I felt better, or didn't feel any different, or for no particular reason quit taking them....they wrote for a new one....so, off to the psychiatrist I go. I know, I know...big GULP moment and NOT in the 7-11 kind of way, but I was at the point of doing whatever will keep me out of the nut house...well, the KIND of nut house that I don't pay a mortgage on. OK, so, the first visit with her went pretty well. She put me on Ambien to help me sleep and Topamax which started out as a seizure medication, but has a multitude of other uses, "Mood Stabilizer" being one of them, and I did great for about 3 weeks. Then the insomnia started back....I think it is just a part of me....I don't think there is a cure....BUT after many nights of NOT sleeping I got about 6 hours last night, and I am so thankful for it! I'm going to go for 2 nights in a row! Wish me luck!!!

To Dream the Impossible Dream...

....or in my case, to dream the ridiculously long dream that feels like a continuum from the day before like I haven't even slept the 3.5 hours that I did manage to sleep so I "wake up" just as tired as I did the day before. The last 4 nights have been just this. I'm ready for my icepick lobotomy please. I will perform it myself. I know how. I dreamed about that too. AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH

Hi Ho, Hi Ho....

back to work I go...LOL, I've been off for about 12 days now, and I have thoroughly enjoyed it. The kids went back to school today after being off for Spring Break. We didn't go anywhere special, but we got a lot done. My 39th birthday was Wednesday, so we went to Red Lobster. We wanted seafood, and other than Captain D's, that is the closest we can get around here. LOL It was actually pretty good. Kendra ordered pasta and pulled a ginormous piece of plastic out of her mouth. LOL, looked like a piece of plastic off of one of their straw covers. Anyhoo, they brought her another meal(no more pasta though) and didn't charge us for either one. LOL, so, we got a break on the bill. Yay for bill breaks. I should have realized that we may be in trouble when our server said as soon as we were seated, "Are y'all in a hurry or do you have to be anywhere at a certain time?" LMAO, I thought that was weird, but we got our food, and it was decent other than the inedible plastic. LOL

I took the kids shopping and got the Spring and Summer clothing taken care of. Yay! Zac has grown so much since last year! I only need to get Zac a pair of swimming trunks, so we can take advantage of the community pool. We are trying to bank as much money as we possibly can, and with my husband being gone so much it looks like summer vacation is out of the question. So, community pool it is!!! Zac will be fine with that. He has the neighborhood boys, plenty of dirt, and loads of woods to play in. Sounds like paradise to me!

So, I head back to work tomorrow, and I am looking forward to it. My mind starts to wander when it is idle for too long, and that makes me dangerous. LMAO